Hello brains! (Hehe) would appreciate some help
I’m a 17 year old girl who’s been diagnosed with add inattentive 5 months ago. Ive started on medication. I am trying to find out what exactly the implications of this have been on my life.
I have an extreme imbalance in my aptitude for humanities and science subjects. Intuitively I think I am rather smart. I also work very very hard. I am the children of parents who believe very strongly in the value of how hard work leads to results for certain. Conversely, this means that any failure is considered a lack of effort.
However, I failed very often in science classes over the years and ended up dropping all of those subjects, even though I was interested in science based fields like veterinary science. This took a toll on my self esteem. Now though, I am wondering if this was an indirect result of my add symptoms since I found it IMPOSSIBLE to understand anything I was not interested in.
I also really struggle with Math even though I have worked very very hard over many years to improve it. I’ve just failed another math paper and it makes me very disappointed in my self, making me feel stupid, since I did work very hard and this time I had medication to help me.
When i am engaged though, I am generally considered a gifted student. I have been in advanced classes for history and literature and really enjoy the subjects. I also excel at drama. I am intensely passionate about these subjects. I dive into passion projects and have been in at least one theater production a year.
Academically I am always held back by an inability to do well under time conditions -I NEVER finish papers and can never properly organise my thoughts on paper. Hence, while I perform exceedingly well in project work, my timed exams always disappoint.
Other struggles include this intense sense of overwhelm. Ive also got impulsive and self flagellating tendencies. This to a long period of depression and self destructive behaviour as well as severe panic attacks that would come 3 times a day. This was actually how I ended up in the psychiatrists office and got diagnosis. Honestly, this saved my life and turned it all the way around. I am SO GLAD to have seen the light at the end of that dark tunnel.
I want to know:
How does ADD affect my ability to do well within exam conditions (esp considering that I do very well outside of exam conditions)?
Why can’t I do math and science (even though I work very very hard)? For context: I’ve never really been interested in it
–> is it true that it’s harder for those with add to do things they don’t really really like?
–> does this mean I’m not very smart?
What exactly does medicine help to do? I currently take concerta 27mg or 36mg. Does it reduce impulsivity?
how to deal with the OVERWHELM when you have an empty stretch of time (like a weekend)? I always have trouble clearing work because I get too overwhelmed to start… I can even get overwhelmed by messiness on my desk which paralyses me. This can happen even after I break it down into actionable steps in my bujo:(
(for anyone who’s been there) how did my add lead to my anxiety and depression? And how is it that now that I have been diagnosed and properly treated it lifted? (slowly but entirely) I was in a depressive state for 6 months, likely triggered by a change of school. Understanding this feels very important to me… I really don’t want the depressed version of myself to reappear and I know I need to care for my mental health to make sure I stay healthy as I am now
Thanks so much!! Real happy to know that this tribe exists hehe
Love from somewhere in Asia !!