ADHD acting up.. where to start?

Hey brains,

I’m struggling and I don’t know where to begin. As soon as I open the forum webpage I’m reading other peoples posts and I’ll write a reply. And then I’ll leave again.

The way I look at the posts on the forum:
People are struggling and that’s okay. It’s understandable. Words from people with some distance can sometimes be helpful. Sometimes being read and being liked can be helpful. So I’m glad I can help. (rescuer syndrome? people pleaser?)

And then here’s the stuff that’s going round in my head: All that logic, the tolerance and the empathy is there for everyone but me. As long as other people are fine, I’m fine. Nothing’s bothering me. I should have been at a level of coping with this by now, so it’s just ridiculous to think that I need help. I seem to be saying to myself: “Don’t be such a weakling. You got your meds… and things went better. So there you have it. No more struggling.”

When I read this back, I know how unfair I am to myself and I know how flawed this logic is. I mean, I’m fairly intelligent! So why am I still convinced of this? Am I really that stupid?

It’s a fight that I thought I had won, but it’s back. I had learned to laugh about myself, to not take myself too seriously as a way of being less judgemental towards me. I feel like I kinda learned that as a ’trick’ because I’m just laughing about it now, without the coping strategies that help me improve my strategies (so i can then laugh when it still fails sometimes.)

I feel I’m not trying, but I am worn out at the beginning of the evening… and then I need to make supper. (lovely recipe for mood swings and lashing out to anyone around me)
So I guess I am trying. But I’m trying to “not have ADHD”, I guess?

I can’t find time to sit down (ofcourse i can find time) and sort this out either. I’m absent minded enough as it is. So why take more attention away from my son and my wife and the things I should be doing?

It makes me sad and I just don’t know where to start.

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Hello Carrivs, It’s okay to not be okay and letting people know about it. People are struggling and so are you but I do know it can be hard to ask for help.

You know that helping other people is well known to be beneficial to the helper too, it’s nice to be nice and there’s not enough of that in the world, in my opinion. Altruism is great, but if the cost is higher than the benefit, then it’s not helping you and it’s something to look at and make a change.

I don’t come on here too often at the moment, and i have pretty much stopped visiting another forum I use, around 90% of the threads there are people struggling and I can’t absorb that right now. I hope this thread will get you some useful advice and support but maybe consider having a little break from the forum as another option.

I’m not sure ADHD is a fight you can win, I see it more as a balance to try and stay somewhere in the middle of the see-saw, it seems that you have been at one end for a while and suddenly found yourself right down the other end. So somewhere in the middle is where you need to aim for, small steps are the way to get there, not big jumps.

You know we have problems sticking with stuff, especially when the novelty has worn off or your routine gets broken. I think it would be a good idea to spend a little time to re-examine the coping strategies you had in place before, get a list together and concentrate getting back into using those strategies, it’s better than wasting your precious mental energy going round in circles. Hopefully your negative thoughts will start to back off a bit and you will be able to start the journey back up the see-saw again.

Does your wife know what’s going on with you, have you got your guard up and bottling everything up until until the top blows off. Maybe it’s time to sit down and talk about how low you are feeling, maybe she can take a little bit more on, just for now, and help to avoid the stress and confrontation that happens when communication breaks down. - This is all assumption on my part from personal experience, obviously, your situation is not going to be the same as mine.

As you know, life has many ups and downs, but you don’t have to stay this way even though it may feel like it right now. This too, will pass!

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First, I think it would be good to re-watch this video from Jessica: How to Be Okay in a Crisis

Second, it’s so easy to tell ourselves that we should have it all together and that we need to “get over it” or “just deal with it” because we’ve had to for so long. But that denies the reality that recovery is not linear. Recovery is filled with fits, starts, backsteps, relapses, sidesteps, chaos, crisis, devastation, and sheer joy. There’s no predicting when we will struggle, but it’s very likely we will. It’s important to be kind to ourselves when that happens. We can’t always do everything right. It’s always so easy for us to tell that to other people but harder to believe that for ourselves.

Sometimes that comes from a deep place of pain. Maybe we were told to “just deal with it” as a kid and internalized that. Maybe we’re getting those messages in our life right now that we should “have it together.” Or maybe we feel that other people are just more deserving than us.

Whatever the case, it’s important to do some reality testing and get feedback from others about how it’s okay to not be okay. That’s normal. And it’s important. Every struggle is an opportunity to get stronger, and an opportunity to heal.

You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t have to be superhuman. And you don’t have to put everyone else before yourself.

Take care of you. “Put your oxygen mask on first.”

<3

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Thank you for your reply Neil.
I’ve read it a couple of times and I’m processing it!
I get your point about the addictiveness of forums and that’s a pitfall I know from my past. I signed up for this forum to start up my own process, but I’m easily tempted in putting that aside to just reply to others. I need to keep an eye on that!

Reviewing my current strategies is a good idea! I was mostly trying to find new ones, but it makes sense to see what’s left of the strategies I already used and whether I’m still applying them. Good first step!! I needed a first step!

Thanks!!

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I’m going to watch that one again! and again. It was that video that started my thought process on the fact that I didn’t seem to struggle, but I found out that I was.

Bingo! Especially that last one, because that makes it more difficult to handle the first two!

I needed that!
Thank you @quietlylost! <3

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Hello, how are you doing today?

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There were so many things I missed when I watched it for the first time. I’ve watched it repeatedly while I was doing the dishes. I’m going to start writing things down. What the signs are, what the crisis is, (if I can: where it came from) and what I will allow myself to do to feel a bit better!

Hi Neil, thanks for asking. I’m doing a bit better. I haven’t written anything down yet, (i wrote the reply to quietly lost a few days ago) but I have been taking some “mindful-time”, looking at webcams of birds nests to relax, standing on my roof terrace looking around, mindful of all my senses, sights, sounds, smells, just taking it all in. Felt like meditation. Small steps! Not over-planning and taking time for my “go-to” activities, like Jessica described in the “Okay in a crisis” video.

Cheers!

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It’s good to see you have some improvements, I hope this continues for you.

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I really needed this thread. I have been down for a week or two. Ping pong brain and frustration and breaking stuff because I’m distracted before I’ve even gotten it set down on the counter, and dropping stuff then I can’t see it, can’t find the datebook, write little notes and can’t find them, commenting on Facebook and oops! Two hours is gone, the whole 9 yards…my grip was starting to slip before lockdown and now…well let’s just say I was pretty freaked out to see even more plywood on my neighborhood shops yesterday in case of demos and that my nt spouse hadn’t noticed the difference or sensed the significance.
Heading for the video.

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I think this is why ADHD is an ongoing thing, and it’s a part of who we are :slight_smile: you can’t win against it, you can only make friends with it.

I think everyone commenting above has said it beautifully. I will only add that I see you and hear you and wherever you’re at right now, I’m sending you lots of good vibes.

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Oh it definitely is. But every now and then the idea that I should have mastered it by now pops up. And that’s so annoying! (<-- counterproductive… be nice to self)

It’s good to be here, you and all the other yous have been wonderful!
(… collecting vibes … )

Thank you(s). :wink:

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Hey Carry!
It’s been a while.
How are you these days?
I hope you are doing ok?

Liebe Grüße

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Hey Clarissa,

it has been a while.
Things are going well at the moment. I’ve accepted the fact that I was struggling and that acceptance helped a lot. I was getting sucked into replying to everything again, so I increased my distance to any ‘socialmedia’ again. Less online is more happiness, for me at least.

I hope you, and all the other brains and hearts are doing well too! I’ll check back in… don’t know when though! :wink:

Thanks for checking in on me!
tschüss!!

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