New here so Hi!

My question is in regards to the big one…sex. it seems to my go to for stimulation. This has led to questionable choices and bad behavior. I’m just looking to see how common this is and what I can do to help.





No foreplay here (:joy:) . . . You cut through to a great question!

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I think it’s definitely a go to form of stimulation, but for me not the only one. I can relate to how it can lead to trouble, though. I think one of the important things is to process it a little bit more. What is it that you get out of sex that is stimulating? How often are you seeking that stimulation? What other areas of your life or activities offer stimulation, if not to that level of intensity? What areas of your life would you like to be more stimulating?

Managing stimulation takes some planning, in my experience. Sometimes we pursue what is urgent or “shiny” and we don’t take time to build up other opportunities for stimulation. It’s easy to fall back on one thing and not to develop our toolbox. So, I’d say it’s worth thinking more about. That is, if it’s something you’re ready to change. It sounds like you’ve experienced some negatives because of the behavior, so now might be an opportunity to try to shift things just a bit.

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This one seems to be split into two camps: “can’t focus on sex” and “hyperfocus on sex”. I’m on the side of can’t focus, but the other experience seems quite common and might be the more common of the two.


I am happy to hear I’m not the only one… I have forced myself to live in celibacy for 4 years now because I can’t ‘handle’ the sex :stuck_out_tongue: Meaning; I used it too much and got into a lot of trouble/people I shouldn’t have mingled with etc because of it. Sex and alcohol were my go-to things and I am glad to say that during these 4 years I have really ‘sobered up’ on both things!
HOWEVER, my problem with relationships is still here though; I can’t seem to find a balance between sex and a meaningful relationship anymore…so…that is the biggest issue I have to try to deal with now :-/


Well, you are definitely not alone. Keep in mind though we can beat ourselves up over a lot of things including Sex or Self-Play. For ourselves we need to determine and understand what we are into and what we enjoy in a sexual sense, of course keep yourself safe but don’t beat yourself up if you feel you did something bad just because others may not understand the things you enjoy or like. I have been married for almost 15 years and my self play and not talking about it with anyone drove me to find like minded people that were open to what I wanted. Subsequently, I have been working on my marriage and through counselling realizing how my ADHD and fear or embarrassment got in the way and maybe I was honest with myself or my wife. Ultimately, I want to be with my with and I want to try to incorporate the things I like with her vs. someone else. In the end, the best way to deal with this is to give yourself a pass when you fail, but learn from it and seek a good sex therapist to work through the areas you don’t fully understand why you a driven to them.

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Welcome to the forum, a non-judgmental bastion of “brains” (per designated ID here)!

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I used to wonder if I was a sex addict, if that’s even a thing! The psychiatrist who diagnosed my adhd said it is common in adhd. I’m pretty much always up for it, and like you said it has got me into a lot of trouble over the years. I have also tried celibacy :stuck_out_tongue:

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For me it’s been a bit different. Normally I have a high sex drive but when I’m on antidepressants (which I currently am) it kinda… kills my libido lol. I’ve also found that with my sex drive and attention span the way it is I rely on more “intense” experiences, which is pretty much all fantasy on my own. If I can’t “create” (or have it created) the intensity then I just get distracted and end up frustratedly doing something else.

That said, working out really helped when my libido was super high—made me a bit more tired come night time.

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Welcome to the pack . . .

Stick with us and it’ll be a good thing . . . for all!