One of Jessica’s videos made me start thinking about it again. Everyone seems to think I dont have ADHD and my dad probably thinks I’m faking it like he thinks I’ve done with other disorders. What if I am? What if my not being able to sit still and not being able to focus on a topic well or a conversation is just fake? I want to be twated and I think I will but I dont think my teachers will notice because I’ve gotten good at hiding my mental health and that my dad thinks is part of the diagnosis process and the doctor might have said so. I could be just faking it like my dad thinks, but I’m not trying to anyway but maybe I am. Am I?
This is the reason diagnosis is always done by a trained professional. We wouldn’t know!
But if it makes you feel better, sounds like he’s been wrong before (he wouldn’t know either!).
Also, I think most of us have felt like frauds about our adhd at some point. So that doesn’t actually mean what it looks like either.
This was a big one for me also I was diagnosed later in life and my first Dr maintained that I didn’t have ADHD but just slow processing speed. If I had trust in him and how he delivered his believed diagnosis I would have not gotten to where I am now.
After a lot of mental gymnastics and reflection on the diagnostic process and discussion with people I know that have ADHD and deep and honest discussions with my wife friends and family about what they had observed about my life and behaviours in different situations I went through and researched including research on this particular dr I chose to seek another opinion.
But this time I researched doctors and found one that was a proven very experienced ADHD specialist. I then provided him with all the diagnostic information I had from the first doctor and went through the diagnostic process again he interviewed my wife independently and also got my sister to talk about how I was as a child reviewed school reports and even old work references. After this deep and even what I call slightly invasive process he decided that it was quite likely that I have ADHD.
Now when I started with the first Dr I didn’t really believe that I had ADHD the reason that I started the process was that my son was diagnosed and my wife saw so many of the same traits in me so with the strong genetic link and a little push from my wife I did it because for lack of a better answer the numbers added up. I still believed that confirmation bias was what was leading me down this path. And with the second doctor my doubt was even stronger because of what the first doctor had reported.
Now as a parent of a child with ADHD I didn’t want to believe that he had it. Most parents want their kids to be healthy and for lack of a better word perfect. I pushed back on the thought of him having ADHD I resisted to some extent the process and was very hard on his diagnosing doctors more than 1 because I was not going to take the chance that one opinion would suddenly make him have ADHD.
A parent feels guilt and disappointment in themselves when the love of your life and in your eyes perfect child has a “defect” that at that point I was very uneducated and ignorant about it can be crushing and it can be easier to just look for excuses why the diagnosis is not true.
BUT once I spent the time to become educated and understand what his challenges where and understand how the condition manifests itself and was able to recognise the behaviour and challenges that fit with the effects of ADHD I really didn’t have a choice but to rely on the specialists that believed that the ADHD diagnosis was correct.
His life and education and peer relationships have seen good improvement with treatment. Seeing this allowed me to let go of the feed and guilt and stop resisting the fact that ADHD was an accurate diagnosis for him. And in the long run the research shows that his life long outcomes will be better because of it. It will allow him to understand why he is different and not wonder why he struggles with some things and accept them as challenges and not believe that the deficiencies he has are because of something that is his fault.
My advice to anyone that feels that they have any condition is to investigate it with the help of a professional and to question the outcomes weather it’s positive or negative and learn that these things are part of you. Not something that makes you less or more but part of a whole,
Every now and then I still question if I have ADHD.
And then I sit back and run through the facts and the testing and look at the improvements in myself and the ease it has given me in parts of my life and it helps me reaffirm that ADHD is part of my life.
As a father of an ADHD kid I suspect that your parents reactions probably come from a place of fear and the thought of how they think it will reflect on them and carry some sort of guilt. Because that’s how I felt when my son went through the process.
Go through the diagnostic process it’s the only way that you will know for sure. And if it’s not ADHD the odds are that the cause of your problems may get uncovered anyway.
If it helps get your dad on here to talk to other parents of ADHD kids. It might help him navigate through what his fears and doubts are. Having informed experienced information from peers not just doctors and such might clear the waters for him to allow himself to move forward.
I am a little passionate about this because I often think about how my life might have been different. Not better or worse but having the tools and confidence to do more and different things that I stepped back from because of limitations I felt but didn’t understand.
I agree. If you are struggling it’s something. Maybe it’s ADHD, maybe it’s not, but whatever it is you deserve help and support for it. Your dad is too close to the situation to see it clearly. Even medical professionals avoid treating family because it’s hard to be objective in that situation.
I have this fear, too. I’m still in the middle of the diagnostic process, and I think that for me getting the answer (hopefully soon) is the only way I’m going to really resolve this feeling. I’m also been through a lot of testing before for mental health reasons but none of them were checking for ADHD.
I think what you are experiencing is pretty universal. I know I can absolutely relate to having a skeptical parent or two. My mom likes to recall a story about when they were gathering “data” for my diagnosis. This was in the '90s and things may have changed, but back then my parents needed to watch me and count each time I tapped my pencil or my foot or was daydreaming instead of doing my homework. She likes to say that these behaviors would always increase when I noticed she was watching me and therefore I was clearly faking them. But, she never considered that these behaviors were some sort of coping strategy for me to deal with the anxiety of being observed under these conditions. Regardless, she convinced the small town doctor that I didn’t have ADHD, but twenty years later I went to get a diagnosis under my own volition and lo and behold I gots the ADHD and the diagnosis was life-changing. Anxiety around something like this is absolutely natural, but just ask yourself: What do you have to gain from faking it? I mean, besides a kick ass group of brains. Hope everything turns out for the best, A_Arctic_fox
Thanks and I have nothing to gain from faking it.
I’ll try and seek a diagnosis but what if my autism makes me not get diagnosed with ADHD since some of the traits are opposites or if I’ve hid it so well that no one believes I have it? I’ve always gotten good grades because I can fake things really well or I’ll just think until i get an ok answer or something but no matter what i dont usually fail unless i let myself because I will get mad at myself if I fail so I try not to fail (like when I zone out I’ll just put my head on my hand and stare at the front area but I’m not actually focusing on it I’m just looking like I am and I’m always fidgeting)
I think you should be opened and honest about these thoughts you have, when you visit a psychiatrist who can properly diagnose! I do think being honest and opened with both yourself and the person you want help from is gonna be so good in the long run and show an honest result. As others mentioned already: if it turns out not to be ADHD after proper diagnos-test, it will surely still uncover what it truly is that could be the problem!
Yeah I’m usually honest unless it’s about how I am doing or I’m embarrased but I usually am honest in professional settings anyway. Yeah I just want to know why i struggle so much with focus and stuff