Anyone from Pakistan, who also lives in Pakistan.

In Pakistan we have a typical brown culture where people with mental disorders are considered Retarded. It’s normal here, maybe some people will understand but most of the population will just tell you either they haven’t heard of it or you’re crazy because nothing like this exists. Some might say it’s the Satan making you think like this just pray daily and you’ll be fine! I’m definitely sure iblees (Lucifer) has far more interesting things to do than tricking me into thinking I have a executive dysfunction disorder. :joy::rofl:
I don’t want to hurt anyone’s sentiment, trust me I’m myself a firm believer and a person who prays a lot.
So anyways this thread is for anyone who thinks they have ADHD but like me are afraid to tell people and definitely doesn’t have enough resources to get them checked!!
Let’s begin :slight_smile: share your story or ask for advice or just some random things.
I really badly want someone to understand!
Also I maybe getting married in near future I need advice on how to LIFE with another person without making them freak out?? Hahah

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Best of luck Natasha!

I’m not in Pakistan, but hello anyway.

If you are soon to be married, I’d make sure that my partner is aware of your situation, and open minded enough to accept it, and give you support rather than excuses and criticism. That is pivotally important.

To spend the rest of your life with someone who thinks you are looney, or making it all up, or just excusing your own laziness and stupidity… Well, I’m sure iblees would be all in for that.

With someone you love, you should be able to communicate freely, and without fear. If that’s not the case, then maybe it’s not love.

So talk to your partner, and see what they think. Take it step by step. Although there can be benefits to dumping the whole lot of it on them over a 9 hour session of crying, laughter, stories and explanation. Letting it all out can help.

Just give them enough room to grab a toilet break or coffee or whatever. :))

And understand that as important as it is to you, it will not be as important, or obvious, to them. Allow time for the penny to drop also. If they love you, they will be understanding, even if they don’t truly understand.

Also, there is no particular reason that most people need to know about your ADHD, especially in the environment you describe. From my experience, the more people who know, the more of a pigeonhole you tend to get stuffed into, with repercussions.

If you KNOW that you have ADHD, and a formal diagnosis will only complicate your life, then just deal with it yourself. Professional help is better, but you can’t have what you can’t get. So do as much research as you can, and there are lots of resources on the web.

Life will continue, but you may have a chance to improve that life. With or without anyone else’s help.

Inshallah!

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Thank you sooo much!!! I’m going to have an arrange marriage, my first one to one meeting will be with the guy on our engagement. I’m not complaining because my decisions in life was so horrible, I let this one my parents decide for me. That’s why I was asking. I’m absolutely clueless to how I can work in an arrange marriage.

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I wouldn’t know where to start! :slight_smile:

There’s a classic line from The Simpsons, where Apu, the Indian guy is copping grief for his arranged marriage from the other guys.

He says something like “I know that 20% of all arranged marriages end in failure…”

The inference is that the divorce rate in non-arranged marriages in western culture have a much higher rate of divorce.

Best of luck!

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@Smoj says what I would have . . . So, I’ll just say “ditto” and wish you the very best in your journey . . .

:sunglasses:

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Hi Natasha,

I’m also not in Pakistan and not from your culture, but I just want to affirm that you’re not wrong to be yourself and your true brain. Relationships are always hard - whether arranged or love matches. Honesty is good.

Wishing you the best.

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Thank you all. I will just keep on trying to do everything good as I try with my own family!

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It’s hard enough in countries which profess to be medically enlightened and advanced.

I can only imagine how hard it must be in a nation which doesn’t officially really accept the existence of ADHD.

I’ve travelled to a number of countries like that, and it is always disheartening.

At the end of the day, it should be your family giving you the support you need, to improve your quality of life, if nobody else is going to.

Don’t give up, but don’t get yourself into a situation which could potentially harm you more (ie. telling the wrong person).

Congratulations on the upcoming wedding! And good luck avoiding any potential freak-outs! :wink:

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Welcome to the community!

You may wish to search for “Pakistan” to find earlier messages – may be you can post on those threads and may be they will respond.

Given you are going in an arranged marriage, you will need to tread carefully as a) you don’t know if he is open minded enough and b) from what I hear when families get involved things get complicated! Assuming you have a say in the selection, you can try to find out if the prospective candidate is open minded and reject those who are not.

Eventually he will have to know of course. But note that you can just describe yourself to others without putting a label such as ADHD on it. Given that ADHD awareness is low this may be a way to deal with it.

And there are things you can do on your own that can help. Daily meditation and yoga can help improve focus. [Assuming yoga is acceptable in Pakistan!] Perhaps prayer has a similar effect; I wouldn’t know. There is at least one study that shows that yoga has a better effect on focus and attention than equal amount of reguar exercise. There are other coping strategies that will also help (to even people who don’t have ADHD!).

Good luck with ADHD and with finding the right person for you!

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hey im pakistani and white ans i get you!!

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