I was wondering if any of you have experience with avoidance and avoidance-related failures and ways to cope.
I have symptoms of avoidant personality disorder, which is something a bit worse than social anxiety. Its symptoms are overlapping with ADHD, they include extreme rejection sensitivity and fear of being judged by other people to the point of completely avoiding them and having trouble maintaining relationships and lack of social connections. AVPD is one of the mechanisms developed as a result of trauma and genetic predispositions.
My problem is that not only do I avoid social situations, but I always avoid precisely the things that I should be doing. I avoid anything related to my personal success and anything difficult that evokes painful feelings. In the situations where I should take on the responsibility I just get stuck, I am extremely indecisive and I can procrastinate for weeks or even months without progressing. What is worst about it is that I can completely lose the sense of responsibility and accountability, I feel much less clarity in life and I fall into depression. I cannot think clearly and do anything at all. It is a dehumanizing experience and I am really concerned that it could ruin my life and the lives of other people. This sharply contrasts with my open-mindedness, collective values and a strong sense of responsibility for what is happening in the world that I would have under optimal circumstances.
I am not as bad as I was during some times in my life, but I also solely depend on myself and have no external structure. I am in the second year at university and I wanted to find a summer job or volunteer work that I am interested in (Support work), but instead, I have wasted more than a month of time now. Not that I wouldn’t do anything, but I have spent most time procrastinating and don’t feel any appropriate sense of urgency - although I really should, I am living out of my parents’ money and there is inflation and a food crisis. . .
If anyone has any experience to share or any tips, that would be much appreciated. I think I also just needed to confess and I’m hoping it will help me to move on.