Been meaning to write here for weeks! I need support; I'm scared...

So, some months ago I started in a ‘government program’ for people with diagnoses, who has trouble finding and keeping jobs. I just turned 35 and I have been in SO MANY of these programs and similar programs for the past, I don’t know…10 years at least?

Anyway, This time is the first time I’m in a program like this after I got diagnosed this January! So, in a way, this feels completely different than all the other times. I feel so much more motivated, I’ve put in more responsibility and completed more tasks/homeworks etc than I’ve ever done before.

Now however I am in the stage of this program where I’m ‘ready’ to look for internships (and hopefully have it lead to a job).
And I am terrified.
I’m really scared, guys! I’m contacting companies and doing my part of this work, but I’m scared because I have SO MUCH (as I feel like) failure behind me. And yes, I keep telling myself that: Now I know why I have ‘failed’ all those years, Now I am much more concerned about taking care of myself and how to live with ADD… but I’m terrified to talk to companies about my ADD. And yes, I KNOW that is one of the purposes of this program: That I have a coach that helps me through exactly that part, but I’m still scared that I won’t be able to function at a job, even with this new support and knowledge I have!

I’ve always struggled with being ‘perfect on the first try’ and I know it never works that way, but it keeps me super-scared and I want to not continue to move forward now :pensive: I know this is a threshold I need to cross, but I am so scared of failing again and end up feeling like ‘wow, this didn’t work as I thought it would, eventhough I know more about myself’.

Has anyone been in a position like this?
What happened? I guess you took that step over the threshold anyway? I’m scared of being rejected by companies eventhough they will get to know about my ADD, just because they will basically be my first ‘try-out-ground’ with all this new information I have about myself.

Today I slept until 5 in the afternoon, because I’ve had so much (for me) going on these past days: Having my family over to celebrate my birthday, re-arranged my apartment, being stressed out over a new apartment (that I had to say no to and thus got depressed over)… and today when I woke up at 5 in the afternoon and had missed out on a meeting I was gonna have, I felt like “I’m not ready for a job/internship, I can’t regulate when I need time off so I won’t have days in the middle of the week where I just sleep all day” etc…
I don’t have any routine in my life, and going on an internship feels like exactly what I NEED and WANT to do, but I’m so scared I will ‘mess up’ too many times (i.e oversleep, be late, sleep a whole day)
And I feel like, if I say these things to a company, why would they even want me there?

I will talk to my coach on my meeting with him tomorrow about all of this and see what he says, but at the same time, I want support and thoughts from other Brains about this. Hence why I’ve written this big post…

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I haven’t been in the same situation, but I do like some of the advice that I’ve heard given with regards to employers. When it comes to your ADD/ADHD and explaining it, it can be really helpful to explain to them how you work best and what sorts of assistance you need. “I work really well when I’m able to be in a quiet space without distraction, and my productivity is so much better if that can happen.” Or, “I need reminders for deadlines. I appreciate when someone can help prompt me when something is due.” Help them understand how to get the best work out of you. Employers want you to do a good job. Helping them learn how to do that is key.

I’m sure you’re getting other support and advice too, but if you have a person in HR who is familiar with disability accommodations its also worthwhile to reach out to them. It can add extra support and protection if needed.

Do you have to disclose your diagnosis to the employer as part of this program?

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Thank you! I will write that down.
Yes, I do have to disclose my diagnose for employers when I’m in this program. Which I think is really good, but at the same time it all also depends on the company and how well-informed they already are about diagnoses like ADHD…and well… I won’t know that until I start talking to them about it. It can either be a hit or miss…

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Job searching is a job as you know!

Is an internship vs a full time job important?

I would suggest applying for and interviewing and contacting an employer you have no intention of working at but in the same general job area. Each day do this first then make the second contact a place that might actually have a job of the kind you need.

Write out in black and white the steps of a contact, one page per employer. Example…

Locate phone number or name / number email of someone who works there.

Also contact someone who works there, but insn’t a hiring manager, just to “informational” interview them about the company culture etc.

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Thanks for the tips!
I will do that: contact for information only, first. :slight_smile: