Hi Brain and Heart friends!
I’m a little hurt and angry at my mom right now. I have a big birthday coming up and she asked if I wanted a party. I told her I’d love one, but I don’t want to have anything to do with planning or hosting one. I’d like to be at a party I can just relax and enjoy, without a bunch of expectations or responsibilities being placed on me. So the first thing she does is ask for a list of who I want to invite. Ok. Um, this kind of falls under the “planning” umbrella, but fine, I will list my friends who I’d like to be there.
I also tell her, I’d like it to be a game party. I’d like tables set up and a variety of games that people can grab and play if they want. Nothing organized, just the option being there. The next day she comes to me and says “Here’s the thing. If you’re the guest of honor at the party, then you have to mingle and talk to people and you can’t do that if you’re playing games.”
So I told her that if she’s going to put conditions on me on how I enjoy my own party, then why is she throwing it for me? I told her what I’d like to do, to enjoy my party, so if she doesn’t want to do that, then don’t throw it. She said fine, she didn’t want to throw it under those conditions.
Now I’m upset. I’m feeling guilty because she’s upset that she can’t throw the party she wants. But I’m also upset that I have to justify how I want to celebrate my birthday. Why can’t people come and talk to me? Why do I have to conform to this social convention that the object of the party has this social responsibility to mingle? And for that matter, why does she assume I would be playing games the whole time? That’s not exactly likely. I HATE mingling and small talk. I find it boring and difficult. It is literally the LAST thing I want to do at my own birthday party.
Am I being unreasonable? Or do I practice being kind to myself and stand my ground? I would like a party to celebrate, but I’d resigned myself to not having one because I didn’t want the stress of planning one and cleaning my house and hosting.
So my choices appear to be, no party, throw my own party the way I want (with all accompanying stresses), or accept my mom’s party, which I feel will not be much fun.
So, I’m just frustrated and sad and hurt and angry, and I could use some advice or solidarity or something. I don’t know.