Cant seem to do everyday normal tasks

Not sure if this is an ADHD thing, dont see myself as lazy but not sure, driving me insane!

Can never seem to keep up the house work or cleaning, so much so it builds up over the months and my flat looks like a crack den!!

I never manage to shower each day, which makes me feel like a disgusting dirty useless tramp of a person.

I never manage to stick to anything, like using my money budget system, diary, plans, etc etc

I really would love to be able to do all of these things but its like i hit a huge wall!

Making me feel so worthless, useless, disgusting, waste of oxygen, lazy.

Its also not a excuse to do nothing and live like this, i work hard all week but also completley drained of energy and motivation.

So stuck in a lonely rut cannot see a way out at all.

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This sounds very adhd to me!

Welcome to the tribe :sweat_smile:

If you don’t yet have a diagnosis, it may be worth looking into it (only an actual professional can tell you for sure), but if you’re mega-motivated to change some of yihr behaviours then you can achieve a fair amount by following a lot of advice aimed at Brains.

Jessica’s videos are a great place to look for tips and to feel less useless. So is this forum!

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Had diagnosis last year approx 7 months ago, never even went to see the psycologist for that but after 2nd visit she said she thought i had it and tested me. Combibed type apparently…

But i am so meeehh struggling with everything

Struggle most with emotions, its a nightmare!!

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Welcome @steve_j
I’ll let you in on a little secret, I’m procrastinating right now.
I was supposed to continue a project I’m working on 6 hours ago.
Which was moved from this morning, and before that moved from every other day this week to the next one.
Will I do it tomorrow? :crossed_fingers:

Yup, everything you said quintessentially fits in ADHD.
Including blaming yourself for being lazy.

Opening up about these things is a fantastic step into getting to know yourself and your pitfalls.

I presume you came here through the How to ADHD Youtube channel.
Which is great, because that probably has the exact information you need to start gaining an insight into how you work, I learned a lot from it myself.

And if you can forgive any of us for being messy, late, not cleaning, not showering, not doing the laundry, and not finishing important work, then I’m sure you can forgive yourself too. :wink:

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Dont know if its denial or self doubt but i often start thinking am i just a useless lazy cxxx do i actually have adhd…

I am such a damn mess!

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I know all about being a mess, I can talk for hours about how I systematically ruined every part of my life and and kept redefined rock bottom.
Because of ADHD.

But there is help that works.
Are you still seeing your psychologist?

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Was up until i think it was November and i am far from happy with her

Also i forgot most of what we did over 6 months, memory is awful!

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F*ck yeah, my psychologist sends me her notes that she enters into my file after every session, because I keep forgetting what we talked about as soon as I leave her office.

Sometimes I put my phone in the fridge, or the yogurt in the shower next to the shampoo.
A bit ago I found out I was in the middle of a chat conversation with a friend were we where setting a date for when I would come by, I just left and forgot about the conversation for two weeks.

I’m quoting myself here, but my house looks like someone shot random stuff in it with a cannon and then put a roof on it.

[ edit ] It took me five years of living by myself to find out that if I’m going to be a chaotic mess anyway, I should at least make sure I throw foodstuffs out, because that got me into situations that where definitely below my bar.

So you psychologist situation, why aren’t you happy with her?
Someone who just picks out ADHD from a conversation sounds like she might be okay.
And if you really can’t deal with her, are there no alternatives?

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The fact she was due on maternity leave which totally cool, but 2 sessions before she kept reccomending i see a psychiatrist for meds and she would write the referal, then she said on email she would not write it until i go to my last session (she then invoices my private health company £120 per 50 min session)
I could not get out of work and she works 2 days per week.
So i got worse and worse, i sent a blunt but polite email saying i will give until end of jan then proceed to go above her head etc…then her reply was oh i never said that, and you do not need it…

Which i do, my insurer told me they need it, she knew and knows this.

In our cbt work and emdr stuff, she opened up loads of things and potential other issues etc then just drops me bang just like that.

I am still fxcking raging about it, but refraining from confronting her as i will posdibly lose my cool and she is a female so i wouldnt put that on a female i know how bad i can be when angry.

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Oh wow.
I try to stay away from judgement, because I only know a part of the story, bla, bla, bla.
But leaving someone hanging in the middle of EMDR is just not cool, that’s just… no.
That goes directly against how EMDR works.

I’m also losing my cool here a bit as well, but that might be because I’ve been in a situation that’s pretty damn similar, it wasn’t EMDR but;

  1. Psychologist had to go on maternity leave.
  2. We dug out stuff from my past that just plain broke me, one or two sessions before she had to go.
  3. No replacement available, not even for emergencies.

Although, the blame for the lack of replacement can be put directly on the recession and the budget cuts that where made because of it, and they did say they where working on a replacement in my case.
But to cope with myself during that time, I did some of the most stupid things of my life and I pretty much blanked on how much time had passed before I got a call.
I lost a friend because of how I was and what I did during that time.

I’m not fishing for personal sympathy, I’m in a really good place right now, but I can paint a pretty decent picture of how it is to have destruction come rain down on your soul, and then sit there hearing crickets having to figure out how to deal with the rest by yourself.

Not even talking about the whole money thing, that sounds aggravating as hell.

So are you scared to go back now?

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I just cleaned up my methlab-lookalike. it’s been building for over a year now. It took mass amounts of caffeine and several weekends of doing small tasks to get ready for the big one.

Woah. People actually shower every day? How do they have the motivation / energy to do that? After a ten hour day out in the field, I’m not taking a shower. HOW DO THESE PEOPLE SHOWER EVERY DAY DEAR GOD SOMEONE TELL ME HOW WHAT THE CRAP.

I wish I could bring a lawsuit against myself for all the bullying and verbal and emotional abuse due to my lack of ability to live like a normal human being.

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I have got better at showering every day since being on medication :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

In fact, since the diagnosis/therapy/coaching/meds combination got up and running, all manner of strange glimpses of normal life have revealed themselves to me.

I now actually sometimes look forward to getting out of bed, or having a shower, or cycling to work or home again. It is weird. It doesn’t happen all the time and I still find it noticeable and amazing when it does.

Maybe one day it will be so normal that I forget to notice, who knows?:sweat_smile:

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Aside from medication I find the most helpful thing I can do to get myself unstuck and to feel better emotionally is to get on my exercise bike that I have sitting here; but to do that I have to fight procrastination and force my self to get on it. My wife can tell those days which I bike from those days which I do not. I tend to deny the benefit of exercise and do not do it regularly, that is, I do not stick with a scheduled activity or routine. Now how surprising is that for someone with ADHD? :wink:

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I was running each week, but like everything it never continued…
Just started doing a small workout at home and work.
Target of 100 push ups a day and as many scissor crunches as poss
Feel slightly better a week into it

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Your response is helpful. Just knowing that someone else is erratic too . . . No excuse though. Just have to tough it out. Thanks

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Yeah i am the king of finishing or carrying anything on :joy::rofl:

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Oh, man. I know biking to work and back helps me so much. And I know driving is often stressful enough that it affects my whole day.

And yet I’ve been driving most of the time lately. Because biking requires preparation, and it feels so nice in the moment to be lazy and let myself off the hook. I’m going to ride tomorrow. And the rest of the week!

I hope.

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Cycling to work helps me too! In fact I recently promised myself that I should always make sure any new job I ever take is within cycling distance.

Also because if I don’t cycle to work I don’t get any exercise at all really.

But now I am waiting for my foot to heal so I can cycle again. And my next challenge is to get a lot of exercise cycling and get to work on time but not cycle crazy dangerous fast🤔

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Day 7 of daily push ups - i have actually managed to keep this going longer than 2 or 3 days which has surprised me!

Even more of a surprise is i actually enjoy it…so much so i have purchased a big gym mat and free weights for at home!!

Today was the most i managed from waking up and doing 30 before leaving the house, i am up to 125 so far with another set to do before bed, less stressy, and slightly better all round mood too

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Showers? What’s that?
It’s embarrassing, but I only usually shower 1 to 2 times per week. I never admit that to my friends because they would just call me gross and never get it. it’s like I want to shower but that takes so much effort to start it and to get out and like there’s noooo time.

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