Choice of therapist - New therapist

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#1

Today I had a first appointment with a new therapist.

The thing is in Germany not every therapist has an admission to practice according to the guidelines of the statutory health insurance. The admissions are limited to a certain number to keep the costs low. There are therapist who work privately, but they have been turning me down according to their work ethics - I can’t charge you, if you have a diagnosis and therefore the right to have therapy cost free.-
So there are long waiting lists and just a little amount of therapists who have knowledge of ADHD (adult).

Anyhow, I asked the secretary beforehand if he has knowledge and if he has time. And when I came there and we had our first session, I found him to be nice and sympathetic, but he told me that he could imagine working with me, but he found me “pretty complex in my topics” and would be a little insecure because he doesn’t have much knowledge of ADHD. He is a behavioral therapists. He wants me to make a online diagnostic screening he send me and says we should have a second session to see if we can work with each other.
This has been happening all the time the past couple of years…
Now my question: would you start a therapy with a therapist who says he doesn’t know much about ADHD? Or would you keep on searching… It is a never-ending story. I called 20 therapists this month and none takes me, which plays into my rejection sensitivity.

Any ideas how to decide?

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#2

Doesn’t hurt to try if you have no other options. Just be open minded and keep looking if he/she is not giving you what you need. Having some knowledge of ADHD is always a plus.

I feel for you and wish there were more options out there for you.

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#3

Perhaps . . .

There are therapists who may know all about ADHD . . . and nothing about therapy . . . or worse . . . nothing about PEOPLE!

I know . . . Over the years I’ve been in therapy with about 8 or 9 PEOPLE . . . with the presumed skills (and credentials) of a therapist. I left 3, having been helped some . . . but with any gains offset by inappropriate / hurtful remarks; rigid adherence to “rules”; or an inability to acknowledge, and accept responsibility, for an otherwise careless and otherwise understandable mistake!

So . . .

:sunglasses:

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#4

Yes, that is what I was thinking. But on the other side I am scared that he says he don’t understand, why I am not behaving differently and just change…
I had this before. (My best friend told me last week that I should “just try to concentrate” If I really wanted… she works in the therapy field as well). Nevertheless my condition is unstable enough to give it a shot. But actually after the first session yesterday my tinnitus is awful and yesterday evening I was just like being under a glass bell, couldn’t even hear when my family was talking to me. … Can’t eat today…
I will give it another night of rest.

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#5

Wishing you well . . .

Keep in touch with us :brain::brain::brain::brain: if you like . . .

We are here for each other . . .

:sunglasses:

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#6

@annamaria - a behavioral therapist might be a good help anyway. Mindfulness and CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) were some of the help I got from my last counselor, to help me deal with anxiety. He also didn’t have any special training with ADHD, but he was an attentive listener, he gave good feedback, and the help I got with the anxiety also helped me be less distractible (helped regulate my ADHD).

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#7

Thanks for your input. I actually have done some mindfulness, a 6 week Kabat ZInn course (every day) which I tried to incorporate into my life. Right now I find it very challenging. As I find meditation … But I will give it a new try. My problem is in getting quiet and in a state of awareness without getting overwhelmed. I am sorry that my English is so sloppy and so little precise at the moment… What I try to say is, as soon as I am not distracting myself all guards are down. All inner and outer stimuli battle for recognition and I am simply overwhelmed. Actually I am close to being scared to go into mindfulness.
As I am writing this, my attention is drawn to the speculation that it might be part of my problem. NO REST.
…
I decided to give the therapist a second session.

In preperation for the next meeting I had to do some screening tests for diagnosis today.
I just hate it when they put compound questions in the survey, or when the (time)reference is not clear. I feel often the first part of the question fits, but the drawn conclusion doesn’t. But if I say something isn’t a problem it would look as if it wouldn’t have one.
e.g. “Did you avoid public/crowded spaces and parties, because you there are too many people, and you are afraid of them.” Tick a.Always- b. Often… c. d. e. Yes I avoided places, yes because of the people… but not because I am afraid of the people (which would lead toward social anxiety…) but because of the soundcloud they produce, and the smells they have…
and all questions like that. Totally drives me nuts. :slight_smile:

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#8

I understand you well enough. You’re overwhelmed and English is not your native language. (It is my native language, and still when I get overwhelmed it can be hard to communicate clearly.)

Yes, you’re right. Compound questions ARE confusing.

I wonder if the questions are confusing on purpose (or maybe a bad translation).

(When I studied computer logic, it was easy to. They base every logic check as just True or False, all or nothing. With computers, if the logic is poorly written, they give a lot more errors.)

#9

@j_d_aengus

You are such a good resource for websites (and such)! :+1:

:sunglasses:

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#10

We all have our talents. One of mine seems to be a knack for writing good Google searches.

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#11

I’m not really sure about the context in which this advice was given. And I’m sure it was meant well. But in general this is one of the most invalidating things you can say to someone with ADHD.

As for therapists. There are those that say they know everything about ADHD but really don’t. And there are those that admit they don’t and are willing to learn. I think having a ‘click’ with a therapist is actually the most important aspect of a succesful treatment.

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#12

I totally agree! It’s important to work with a therapist who you have a rapport with, who really listens, who is human enough to admit when they don’t know something, and committed enough to try to learn more so that they can really help you.

#13

Agreed!!

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#14

Yes, I agree. I just had the feeling, he felt slightly intimidated that I new already new a ‘lot’ about myself and different types of therapy and he “had to admit” (his words) that he isn’t an expert about ADHD and Aspergers. He said turning red, that he has to think about it, to see if he can “be enough” as a therapist because of my complex life story plus ADHD. He feels unsure if more knowledge was needed about this topics for the therapy to be successful. Otherwise he would like to work with me.
This I liked a lot, because he was so truthful. I told him I welcomed his honesty and I would actually know already that I would like to concentrate on strategies of emotional alternatives and coping styles and that I didn’t want to “analyze my whole life”.
We will see.

Thank you for your input.

Yes, I am sure. But this is also a friend which always blames me for thinking too fast, and too complex so that she can’t follow. I should just slow down my thinking. This makes it actually very difficult for me. (…)
We had a lot of talks about this, but it is something she won’t be willing to see that I can not change it.

It actually reminds me of my parents who, were upset that I was more successful academically and blamed me in discussions for being “the smart one”. My mother was a habitual liar and when I discovered her telling a convience lie, she said that she is stupid anyway and can’t help. Probably one of the reasons why I am so extremely keen on honesty. :slight_smile:

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#15

sometimes people just aren’t really compatible as friends.

on the topic of the therapist, i’ve had and benefited from therapy with non-ADHD experts. i think if you get along with the therapist and feel some trust, it’s worth trying. it might be different if all you wanted were ways to start making your bed or whatever. but when there’s mood stuff, relationship stuff, etc. going on, and your support system is somewhat fragmented, i think it’s valuable to get support sooner.

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