Crushes are hard


#1

I’m trying to be chill and just enjoy getting to know someone, having conversations, developing a friendship, spending time with them. But I do not have much chill and my emotions start running high and I get really attached to the person and hyperfocused on them and I just want to spend time alone with them and find out if they want to kiss me like I want to kiss them and HUGE SIGH. I mean, it’s fun to be smitten with someone, but there’s also a lot of craziness when you have difficulty regulating your emotions and attention.

Even harder when you work with them and you don’t want to make your work environment weird or misinterpret a co-worker just being friendly.

Anyway, I’m thankful I have a safe place to vent about this where other people might have the same problem.


#2

I feel ya bro. Wish I could give you some advice, but I’ve been you, and it didn’t work well for me (it’s funny now). So I’ll just say that you are definitely not alone. ADHD and emotional dysregulation suhh-uhhk especially when you’re in a situation where you can’t really do anything to break your hyperfocus.

I obviously don’t know what kind of work you do, but perhaps moving to a different area or shift is something to consider? By NO means am I suggesting taking a pay cut or anything, but if you’re able to, maybe making arrangements so at least you aren’t working together might help. At the very least, it may help at least lessen your hyperfocus a little bit.

I do get what you’re saying though, actually kind of have this happening right now, although not really I guess since I’m dating her.


#3

Changing things about my job situation aren’t really an option right now, and I don’t want to change anything. I’m not even sure working together is much of an issue if anything were to happen (since neither of us supervises the other and although we work together a lot, we’re technically in different departments). But being around a crush for hours at a time and feeling like you need to be careful of how your emotions and impulsivity and hyperfocus with people get…

Thank you for the empathy. I know intellectually that I’m not the only one who gets like this, but it’s good to be reminded of it. And yay for dating your crush!


#4

Yeah I definitely know how hard it is to (for lack of a better term) walk on eggshells around someone you like.

Thanks, me and mine are going great so far (all three weeks haha)


#5

I can’t really say anything helpful. But I saw the topic and it’s just me right now.
Not a work thing, but long distance and in that “we don’t really know what it is”- phase. I really hate it. I can’t wait to know how it turns out, I miss him and I really just want to write all the time.
And I know I would drive up there a lot, even if it’s only for a really short time.

And then it’s always something between “Oh wow, I can’t be too much and too intense. It might scare him.” and “Why does he prefer to go there instead of spending time with me? Why isn’t he responding immediately?”. Although I obviously know that it’s just anxiety hitting and everything is fine.

The good thing though? In the end we usually tend to worry way too much and other people like us just fine the way we are. I’m sure everything turns out great for you!


#6

YES! EXACTLY! There have been times lately when I’ve had to literally talk myself down (walking around my apartment, talking aloud to myself) from having anxiety over how someone else perceives me and feels about me.

And I agree, we’re usually worrying over nothing important. Plus, if people don’t appreciate us for who we are, it’s better to learn that as soon as possible and not waste too much energy on them.

In this case, I got my nerve up last week and confessed my feelings to her. She said she feels more comfortable being friends but appreciated how difficult it can be to put your feelings out like that. I told her I was very happy to be friends with her and didn’t want things at work or outside of it to be weird. The next day at work, things weren’t weird at all, we talked and joked around as much as we have before, and yesterday we hung out at a restaurant and played board games, just the two of us. We had a lot of fun, and just knowing where we stand with each other made it easier for me to relax and enjoy the friendship. Which isn’t to say the crush has gone away, but that’s my deal, not hers, and as long as I know how she feels, I can deal.


#7

Great job joshuamneff that’s great. Personally, I think that can be EXTREMELY hard (referring to letting her know how you feel) and not just for people with ADHD (though, I think that does make it harder). I’m glad that it went well and that you’re still able to be friends.


#8

Thank you! :smiley: