Depression, internet and diet problems

#1

Sooooooo lemme just start off immediately.

I’m not (yet) diagnosed with ADHD. I hope there Will come a test. I am highly sensitive though. Not just a bit. Really badly highly sensitive. And I think I might have caught up a light form of depression. I once had it when I was around 10 to 12. Then I reciterend from it by myself. Afterwards almost a year ago now I got into this mental breakdown. A terrible mental breakdown. Afterwards I got back to work too fast. Now I fell back. But this time I think it’s more of a depression then a mental breakdown. I feel miserable.

I do happen to have this obsession with mental things like ADHD, autism, depression etc. So it’s Hard for me not to talk about it. There’s this other forum website that I’m on (it’s Dutch). And I created a topic for people who have to deal with mental health issues and stuff like that. Now I get bashed for selfdiagnosing all the time. But that’s not the case. I never Said I actually have ADHD Or depression. I think I have it. And I’m even pretty sure that I have ADHD. Many things gave me proof of that. But I’m not diagnosed with it, so I can’t say for sure if I have it. So I won’t say that either. Someone also crapped on me for claiming that I have these paranormal gifts. Like being a medium and stuff like that. I do have paranormal gifts. But I usually don’t speak about them openly. They brought that up from years ago and that pissed me off. Ever since I’ve been on that website my lack of social skills have been in the way. It ruined my whole reputation. Time after time after time they dare to bash me all over. That causes me to get into defense mode. That makes it worse. Not to mention I’m really impulsive. So yeah, when you feel attacked and strongly hurt you’re obviously even more impulsive. I’ve been thinking about leading that website, since it’s Toxic for me. So I might do that soon.

The last thing I bump upon is being vegan (JEEZ STUPID ASS PHONE STOP AUTOCORRECTING CORRECT STUFF. Sorry…). I am not vegan. But I do wanna become vegan. I am vegetarian though. However, I still live at home. And I, for the first time, told my parents that I’m considering becoming vegan. But they, obviously, HIGHLY disagree. It already was a big struggle to become vegetarian. Now I’m saying I might wanna become vegan and they just randomly get mad at me for a stupid diet. So I’m hurt by that too.

With all of that said. I just wanna say that I’m feeling miserable at the moment. I need people to help me become happy again. I’m done with all the crap in my life. I really am. I know it’ll all be worth it in the end. But at the moment it’s just all too much. So yeah I really used this to get rid of my feelings more then anything. I’m done. Completely done. Help meeehhh

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#2

Hello there! I’d like to say that I resonated with a lot of what you say here. I too am highly sensitive, and that can make certain things reeeally hard to talk about on a public forum, so thank you for sharing your stuff! A big thing that it sounds like you’re dealing with is other people’s thoughts about you and your mental/emotional stuff. One thing I find quite helpful to remember in times like that is that nobody else is, was, or ever could be you. You are the only one in your head, so if you believe you show strong signs of having this condition or that mental illness, or that you’ve experienced supernatural things throughout your life, then it really isn’t anyone else’s place to tell you that you aren’t dealing with those things. (This, of course, is me assuming that the majority of these people saying these things are not professionals with the licence, degree, and experience necessary to tell you something like that.) At the end of the day, only you truly know your own struggles.

I don’t know anything about this other site you mentioned, but it could benefit you greatly to share your stuff in a place that is conducive to giving you positive feedback and helpful conversation; not a place that tells you you’re making things up or fabricating. I’ve only been on this forum for a couple of days, but it already feels much more open to conversing and positively working through those sorts of things than what you’ve described about the other forum. I hope you can get some helpful comments here and meet people who won’t deny you your own mental state, but will instead want to guide and assist you to a better and happier mental space! :smile:

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#3

Hi Bubbles!

I just wanna say welcome to the community. So sorry you dealt with that!
You might want to look into an actual ADHD diagnosis though. Now I’m not trying to be toxic here, it’s just that many symptoms of ADHD are common in other disorders on the neuro-diversity scale.
Knowing exactly how/what is different about your brain might make it easier to understand it and cope with it. Even though I was diagnosed pretty early it was only recently that I really started to research and understand it and it made a huge difference.

Anyway I’m wondering… what is that site you’re talking about? I didn’t even know about any ADHD dutch forums

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#4

It’s not an ADHD forum. It’s a horse forum website named bokt. But I opened a topic about these things. It wasn’t a good idea. I decided to quit that website. I’m gonna look at it Before bed one last time. Not reacting. Just looking. And then it’s over. So imma go have to hold in my impulses to react. Wish me luck :stuck_out_tongue:

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#5

Good luck!

#6

Haha thank you. Till now I’m doing pretty good. Hope I’ll keep up :slight_smile:

#7

Naw, I disagree. I think it’s fine to “use” the internet that way, personally.

The act of posting on forums (ADHD forums, OR horse forums!) can be, in some sense, the act of writing a journal. I know that I am sometimes guilty of working out my own personal demons on a public bulletin board, in a manner that might make several other members of that bulletin board get annoyed at my waste of bandwidth. But if you are sensible enough to simply preface your posts with something like an apology, that you know you’re using this setting for airing grievances and working through demons, instead of contributing directly to the thread(s) that have other topics as their main focus, you’re fine! Especially when people realize you’re legitimately struggling, they’ll either (a) read the post(s) about your issues, and recognize something they might be able to comment on, or help you with; or they’ll (b) get bored with the post, probably not read it, and just move on. The “TLDR” resonse (“too long, didn’t read”) is fine to impose on someone else. They haven’t been forced to read your posts, they can always just move on. (Like people who complain about the unreasonable this-that-or-the-other that appeared in a TV program they watched. Don’t those people’s TVs have power-off switches? Yeesh!)

Of course, if you derail a conversation, post your “excess bandwidth” on a bulletin board sponsored by an organization that can’t actually afford to cover their pages with your verbiage (less and less a problem as the availability of computer storage grows and grows), or otherwise really impose yourself on the hosting capacities of others, then, knock it off! Put up the “Geez, I’m sorry, had to journal-post there, working things out, thanks for listening or for ignoring me, either way” caveat and move on. You actually cost them one one-billionth of a penny’s worth of effort and time!

But I don’t think you’re doing that (not yet). Journaling is important. Maybe you don’t succeed in getting these issues written down in a private notebook because of various other barriers. In fact, I think there are typing-people, and handwriting-people, and even typing-sentiments and handwriting-sentiments; consequently, some ideas are best expressed on a web forum, while others may be best expressed elsewhere. Many therapy programs suggest (or REQUIRE) ongoing journaling activity. We here at How-to-ADHD will be supportive of that! And frankly, the posts I’ve seen of yours aren’t really troublesome or burdensome in any manner. I personally post a LOT more verbiage that risks being considered “waste of bandwidth” than you do.

But if, to the contrary, this need to post things is somehow an obsession or a hyper-focus? Well, then we are learning what sorts of things cause you to hyper-focus, aren’t we? And the fact of you doing it, of writing too much (by means of a phone, no less! WOW, if I could type that much without a real keyboard you’d NEVER get me to shut up) is not in itself the issue. The issue isn’t the mental conditions, or being a vegan, or horses, or high sensitivity. The real issue, instead, is the issue of hyper-focus, or of obsession, itself. Not, which specific topics tend to capture you; but rather, the fact that you have propensity to be readily captured at all, whether by one topic or by any another. In which case, the journaling MAY be an over-indulgence, a use of hyper-focused time and energy which would better be short-circuited. If that’s the case, well, you have a lifetime of learning to manage hyper-focus or obsessions or obsessive-compulsive behaviors, to anticipate, and you’re not going to be fixing it merely by worrying about one thread on the internet. Getting a diagnosis eventually, will be a step in the right direction, of course; and meanwhile, I for one have no complaints! Journal away! :slight_smile:

#8

Wow thanks. That was a lot to take in. I appreciate your message a lot. I also write in journals indeed. I love writing and typing stories (doesn’t matter if they’re my own or my imagination) and I love to bring them out in this world. I love to help people that way. To give them a way to escape or to give them a moment to relate. To feel and know that they’re not the only ones. I love to inspire people that way. I’m really going through a lot right now. And I am someone who needs to get it out. Or else I’ll drive myself insane. So I have many different ways to out myself: writing, drawing, music, filming, dancing, talking and any other creative thing to do. And I will never stop using these things. I used them from day 1.

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