Diagnosed at 43 with ADHD

Hello Brains, thanks for letting me join the club. I’m M. I’m 43, married with kids, graduate degree holder and now diagnosed with ADHD. Worked for the same job for 20 years but after being downsized found it hard to keep each new job I landed. After finally finding a job I felt like was finally a good fit, that allows me (due to the pandemic) to work random and overnight hours to be dad/teacher during the days, but a big deadline resulted in near panic as I realized I couldn’t hit the deadline on time. Sweating immensely, pail, sleep deprived, unable to sit still my spouse was genuinely concerned I was about to have a heart attack or a stroke. So I sought help. The result was my ADHD diagnosis with associated anxiety.
I’ve always relied on a certain stress level to get things done, but with a new job, I cannot rely on my experience to gauge that stress level to get things going. So instead, anxiety crept in. I’m going to be discovered to be a fraud! Maybe I can’t do this job either! Yes, imposter syndrome - it’s aweful, it’s a liar, and it fuels anxiety that is driven by the motivation issues of ADHD.

Now I’m learning and beginning to understand. Watching/listening to these videos, I finally have people who get me! I finally feel like I understand why everything seems so hard some times, why I can never remember where I left my keys, why I just don’t think like anyone else and why others don’t seem the same connections in a conversation that I do.

I also feel guilty. I watch my kids and every time they do something that’s not average, I wonder if they too have ADHD and if they do, I’m to blame.

I’m also hopeful. I have a real problem with real help available. I have hope a medication will help me be better tomorrow than I am today. I have hope I can use new tools, like a bullet journal, to keep my head organized. I’m hopeful I can read an entire book and remember more than what happened in the first 20 pages or get personal projects that I started 3 years ago finally done.

Thanks for being here, it’s nice to find a community that understands my brain!

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Welcome!

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Welcome . . .

And boy do I relate to much of what you say.

btw: my 43 y.o. son was Dx’d at age 4 with major, hyperactive type ADHD. Took me until my mid 50’s to get Dx’d. That was 20 yrs. ago. :apple::apple::apple: often fall from the same :deciduous_tree::deciduous_tree::deciduous_tree::exclamation:

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Hello and welcome to the tribe!

Don’t!
You haven’t asked to get an ADHD-Brain aswell.
No one is to blame for that but the moods of mother nature.

I can’t blame my mother for getting her thyroid desease either…or my ADHD from both my parents :wink:
I can only “blame” them for how they treated me with my ADHD.

…Well I do not really blame them, cause nobody kew until now, but you do know.
If they do have it you can make the difference!

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Very common w/ ADHD. Not that you are a “fraud” . . . but that you feel that way. I often felt that I was not really that smart, especially when it came to college and grad-school . . . Just that I was a good BS artist and I was a better than average writer for the many papers that I wrote.

I loved research . . . the great “scavenger hunt” of ideas, notions, and trivia . . . I was a natural in finding “this” then jump to “that” because it immediately conjured up an idea about “something else” . . . And somehow I‘d connect the whole mess . . . and “Wala” . . . another :impressive” research paper! Impressive not to me . . . After all I was a “fraud” . . . Good at fooling people! (The connections that I made so quickly, that others would not have thought of, is a strength of my ADHD.)

Seems that self-doubt and low self esteem come with the territory. The fact that many / most “brains” have so-called “performance issues” . . . (I prefer performance “differences”) . . . good at something today not so good at the same thing tomorrow . . .
or great at one thing and not great with something else . . . All contribute to being uncertain about our batting average overall.

:sunglasses:

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On the guilt thing about your kids. It’s entirely possible mine was passed along to me by my dad, and I absolutely do not hate him for it. There’s a lot of things about my brain that I legitimately like!

He’s also the biggest reason I finally talked to someone (I mean like, this week. I’m 36.) and his support and encouragement to do so is one of the biggest helps anyone has ever given me. We actually suddenly have a much better relationship bc I understand so much better why he was how he was when I was a kid.

I don’t know how helpful that is for you, just wanted to share as an adult child of someone else diagnosed that him being able to understand and support me figuring out my own brain has been huge and I’m so thankful for it.

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