Hello Brains, thanks for letting me join the club. I’m M. I’m 43, married with kids, graduate degree holder and now diagnosed with ADHD. Worked for the same job for 20 years but after being downsized found it hard to keep each new job I landed. After finally finding a job I felt like was finally a good fit, that allows me (due to the pandemic) to work random and overnight hours to be dad/teacher during the days, but a big deadline resulted in near panic as I realized I couldn’t hit the deadline on time. Sweating immensely, pail, sleep deprived, unable to sit still my spouse was genuinely concerned I was about to have a heart attack or a stroke. So I sought help. The result was my ADHD diagnosis with associated anxiety.
I’ve always relied on a certain stress level to get things done, but with a new job, I cannot rely on my experience to gauge that stress level to get things going. So instead, anxiety crept in. I’m going to be discovered to be a fraud! Maybe I can’t do this job either! Yes, imposter syndrome - it’s aweful, it’s a liar, and it fuels anxiety that is driven by the motivation issues of ADHD.
Now I’m learning and beginning to understand. Watching/listening to these videos, I finally have people who get me! I finally feel like I understand why everything seems so hard some times, why I can never remember where I left my keys, why I just don’t think like anyone else and why others don’t seem the same connections in a conversation that I do.
I also feel guilty. I watch my kids and every time they do something that’s not average, I wonder if they too have ADHD and if they do, I’m to blame.
I’m also hopeful. I have a real problem with real help available. I have hope a medication will help me be better tomorrow than I am today. I have hope I can use new tools, like a bullet journal, to keep my head organized. I’m hopeful I can read an entire book and remember more than what happened in the first 20 pages or get personal projects that I started 3 years ago finally done.
Thanks for being here, it’s nice to find a community that understands my brain!