I’ve been with my partner for about 10 years and I was diagnosed with ADHD about a year ago. In retrospect the diagnosis made SO MANY things make sense about my life, growing up, classes, etc. Even now, I wait until the absolute last second to complete work which isn’t the best but that pressure is such a motivator. Hopefully I can explain this as best I can, but inevitably it will be a ramble!
Over the past few years we’ve had some challenges, due in part to my ADHD (which I didn’t know about). For example I was hyper attentive during our dating phase, and when that wained it caused her a lot of hurt which in turn caused me hurt. We’ve also gotten into fights because she’s reorganized everything in the house or bedroom spontaneously which really upset me. I didn’t really know at the time how to explain WHY that bothered me to her which didn’t make anything easier. I’ve also had a lot of difficulty being an adult… Which feels dumb to say because I’ve had a fairly successful life so far, but the ideas of taking next steps or making big changes is paralyzing for me.
I did try to talk with her a little bit about my ADHD after receiving a diagnosis, but I don’t think I did a great job of it and I’m fairly sure she didn’t understand it all. That was definitely a source of frustration for both of us, she didn’t understand why I couldn’t remember things that were important to her or why I would lose track of stuff. Both of us being home 24/7 added a lot of pressure as my routines and outlets (like the gym) were suddenly gone. I’ve struggled with finding new routines to stick with.
Recently we separated when she didn’t have any energy left to handle and decided to leave… This was kind of a spur to action for me and I’ve done more research to learn about ADHD and understanding myself than the entire previous year.
The video series here has explained so much of this in relatable ways that make me feel like I’m not just incapable or lazy or that I don’t care or that I’m a failure. I’ve learned about making a bullet journal (which I started today) and about reprogramming my brain with a dopa-menu to maybe shift it away from some not so great things that Ive relied on.
I’m not even sure what I’m looking for by posting here… A sense of community maybe? I’ve struggled to make friends (it’s really anxiety inducing to just MEET people in the real world, I’ll never understand how I was able to make the friends I have now)
I am hoping I will get the opportunity to talk with my partner before everything is done for good and share some of what I’ve learned… But either way I think it’s important for me to start taking control and responsibility of my ADHD symptoms and manage them however I can.
(Side note: even though this is important to me, I got distracted probably a dozen times while typing it… It’s nice to know people here understand that)