Does anyone else have terrible indecisiveness?


#1

Hello,

Does anyone else have days where you just spin inside and don’t know what to do next? Literally can.not.decide what to do next. It freezes me. So I start something and start something else or sometimes I just sit worrying about how I’m not doing anything and what’s wrong with me. Please tell me someone can relate to this. I am in my 40s and have come this far in life not knowing what to do about it or how to snap out of it.

Thanks.
E


#2

I saw this title and my brain went, “MUST CLICK”. I am horrible with decision making, haha. My friend and I always make jokes about our indecisiveness.


#3

Sounds very familiar. In all kinds of situations. The only thing that really helps is a dead line, when something has to be delivered, no matter what. Being a teacher, that is pretty much all there is to my job. But when there is no dead line, I can spin things around and around forever.
Good example: writing a post or message, but instead of hitting the send button, erase it again. Or hitting the send button, but then edit, or delete again… Sounds familiar?


#4

All. The. Time.

A friend of mine used to make it her mission to make me choose stuff. When we went out for drinks, she’d make me chose the bar and the table and what-not. I never knew if she did it because she thought I needed to learn these things or because she enjoyed watching me squirm.

I have a lot of to-dos that could theoretically be done any time. I already know each won’t take me longer than an hour or even half but making the choice to do them will make that hour last for whole afternoons. And that’s just the small choices. It gets worse when it’s heavy life choices. I think the problem is that I somewhat know what I want to do but I don’t want anything enough to really commit and maybe block other options.

It’s worst when the options are more or less equal. I spent months sleeping on the guest mattress earlier this year because I couldn’t make the choice between a cheaper futon that would be delivered within a week but looked bland and a marginally more expensive pretty one that would have taken three weeks to deliver. When they extended the latter to six weeks over the holiday, I finally bought the bland one. Needless to say, I could have waited circles around those three weeks in the time it took me to make that choice. Also, the reason I slept on the guest mattress instead of just keeping on using the old futon? I’d thrown that out. Because I’d meant to buy a new one for years and have learned the best way to get me to buy something new is to force it by throwing out the old. Still took me half a year.


#5

I know what you mean making decisions are hard I have to think about the pros and cons before deciding what to eat where to sit should or should I not talk to this person should I go to the bathroom can I get up from my seat. Sometimes I prefer when people just decide for me but it normally makes me angry cause its like their raking away my independence


#6

Oh. My. God. Yes.
I am the worst for decisions.
I’m so ridiculously indecisive it drives my boyfriend insane. :grimacing:

I am indecisive about food, I am indecisive when I go shopping for almost anything (food I’m pretty solid on because I have my favorite brands so that helps), but book shopping? Shirt shopping? Shoe shopping? Shopping at a gift shop? OH LORD. It’s bad. Or the decision of “should I text this person to hang out?” and it never gets done because I NEVER decide if I wanna or not. There are some exceptions… but not a lot.

DECISIONS ARE HARD.


#7

I so much can relate to this. It sucks because it affects me even in everyday situations like picking a meal from a menu or even when it comes to shopping, etc. And after I finally decide, I tend to worry a lot whether I made the right decision or not :smile:

Even when I have lots on my plate, I just get stuck and don’t know where to start or which task I should get done first, which also a problem with prioritization that I struggle all the times with.


#8

I am AWFUL with any kind of decisions. My worst is going out to eat and my husband, who has zero patience, starts rushing me to just pick something or starts suggesting something for me to get. Which just really makes it take longer. :roll_eyes: Doing any kind of shopping besides grocery shopping is also a night mare. There’s a reason I haven’t purchased new clothes in a veeeery long time. I completely understand!! Decisions are a real struggle!!!


#9

I have sometimes I just stall out because I lose myselftryingtoweighout what to tackle next at work.


#10

Ugh… All the time!

Over the most ridiculous things too. For example if I go to a store for a drink, it will take me going back and forth for about 20 minutes. Now I just flip a coin. I know I look odd standing in the middle of the isle flipping a coin but it saves me 15 minutes.


#11

I tend to go all in when making decisions. As with almost everything in life, there is NO middle ground. Usually, I follow my gut instinct;as, this has proven many times to be God whispering in my ear.


#12

Yep. Even after research and thinking I made a decision I still have trouble decided.

I love jewelry, but I have a hard time choosing which pieces I want to wear. So I made a list of colors numbered 1 through 10. Then I use a 10-sided die from my husband’s gaming dice set. If I want options I’ll roll it a second time then choose between the two results. I saves time and cut down on the anxiety.

If there’s something I know I want to wear then I’ll just grab that. The hard part is sticking with my decision regardless of how I choose.


#13

Thinking back on it, indecisiveness might be one of my earliest noticeable symptoms. I distinctly remember as a small child making my mom wait at a McDonald’s for several minutes because I couldn’t decide which variety of cheeseburger sounded most appetizing. This was a long running pattern, but I remember this incident because she finally lost patience and told me to just pick one at random if I couldn’t decide.

… which became a life long coping strategy I use to this day.

Sometimes my girlfriend complains that when she asks me, “What should we get for dinner?” when we plan a night out, I tend to somehow turn the question back around on her. I swear I don’t mean to, but I know why I do it. If I have to decide, it will go one of two ways: either we’ll spend about on hour waiting for me to pick something, or I’ll pick the very first thing that pops into mind, which will likely be some place we’ve been to many times, isn’t very exciting, whatever.

Since I’ve pretty much put myself at the mercy of others’ decisions all my life, I have a very highly developed sense of ambivalence xD

It’s also kind of a knock on self esteem sometimes, though, not gonna lie…


#14

Aww. It can be frustrating, but it doesn’t reflect badly on you as a person.

Consider this: You are giving a lot of thought to a decision before making it. Sure it’s frustrating for some things, like dinner.

My husband has the same issue with choosing dinner. (No ADHD. Just gets tired of thinking about food.) So it’s much easier to ask what he doesn’t want when getting his input. Oddly enough there’s always at least one immediate answer for that.


#15

In a restaurant, I quickly check out the menu and narrow down my choice to 2-3 items, but I always decide under time pressure when the waiter is standing there ready to take our orders. I didn’t realize until now that it is an ADHD coping strategy!

Another thing I tend to do is to make a default choice; which doesn’t commit me to it but if I can’t come up with a better choice quickly, I fall back on the default. Somehow this works better!


#16

My indecisiveness is focused around movies. I will often spend an hour just browsing titles, trying to decide what to watch. If someone asks me to watch a specific movie that I haven’t seen before (especially if it’s likely to contain people who are embarrassed or sad), my indecision instantly spirals into anxiety and terror. It’s been a constant source of shame to be terrified of Rom Coms, but there it is.


#17

Yes! Looking back. that may have been the first clue in my life, not that anybody was able to pick it up and tell what it was a clue of at the time. I took the longest time committing to a choice in a restaurant. And right in the middle of it, a waiter would show up and ask me if I’d chosen a drink yet, which of course I hadn’t even started considering.

It only got better (for a while) because I became a vegetarian at age 19, drastically reducing my options to one of two-ish side dishes or a bewildered waiter offering that they could assemble something. Good times! (Except that those custom meals weren’t always that good, or actually vegetarian.)

That was before they passed a law in Germany forcing restaurants to have at least one full vegetarian dish in the menu. Nowadays, of course, with vegetarianism being more mainstream, most places have a rich variety, forcing me to choose again.

And also yes on the default thing. That actually helped me quite often, though not necessarily in a restaurant.


#18

That’s interesting. I have an abiding anxiety over watching mafia films or films that might include humiliation (like Borat or Dumb and Dumber.)


#19

It’s the same for me. Anything that might make me cringe. Weirdly, Hugh Grant and Colin Firth don’t freak me out. I think it’s because they are completely unflappable even in the most embarrassing situation.


#20

Amazing to see all these other brains whi are as indecisive as me! Yet again, I am reminded of how much I love this forum :grinning:

And I love the tip about choosing a plan B, to roll with if nothing better comes up within a certain time frame. I hope I remember this long enough to put it into practice :wink: