Don't know if this is the right place. (how to meet people irl)

I’ve never had a lot of friends. In my adult life it has always been a handful of friends who all know eachother and then people drop off or get different lifestyles etc. The friends I know who don’t know any of my other friends usually drop off the face of the earth eventually. And I always only hang out with ONE person constantly, becoming like an extra limb on them eventually, but that relationship also ends abruptly (the recently three ones I had a relationship like that with during these recent years did: 1. leave the country. 2. stabbed me in my back so bad I had to cut her out of my life asap and forever. 3. Ghosted me and stopped contacting me for a reason unknown to me)

I get into periods where I feel super-lonely and want to meet more people (in real life! having online friends are easy imo, but not to have irl ones :stuck_out_tongue: ) and I’m in a period like that now… Or, I think I’ve been in one for a year or so, but I really have NO IDEA how to meet new people. I have very limited hobbies and I don’t have any interests. I meet people through other people on parties, basically. If those people have thrown a party. When I used to go out irl, it was always to get drunk in a bar. I don’t know how else to meet people and I haven’t been out on bars like that in years since I stopped using alcohol as a way to escape my problems.
I find it SO HARD to find hobbies to engage in! I have a really shitty income (sickleave), so I can’t afford stuff to do and if I could, I wouldn’t even know what that would be that could include other people I don’t already know. I saw a quote yesterday that fits me perfectly:
“I only like to meet people I already know” :smile: Of course, that is not helping me anymore!

Any tips for a socially awkward person like me?
(ps. my best friends are a group of friends who all lives in different countries, so we can’t just meet up and hang out casually! I will meet some of them when I go on vacation at the end of august though, so that will be awesome! I’ve been friends with them for 12 years or more, but of course can’t meet them much due to not being able to travel much!)

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Well for meeting people I’d suggest going to places that are about things your interested in. (I may not be able to give good advice since I’m not good with people but what I just said has helped people before)

I find making friends as an adult hard, too, and I hear the same thing from many people. It seems like a really common challenge. I think this would be easier with Tinder for friendships (At least one site like this does exist, but I don’t know if the user base is big enough yet for it to work well).

I think you may need to develop some interests in order to meet people. You probably already have some and your international friend group could be a really good source for ideas about other things you might enjoy, or ways to find local people that share your current hobbies.

For cheap or free activities take a look at public institutions like libraries or universities. Volunteering is another option if you like things like animals or the arts or the environment.

If you can find a local extrovert you get along with they’ll be involved in lots of get-togethers and can introduce you to lots of new people.

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Oh gosh, making and maintaining real life relationships is nearly impossible. I’m a Heart and while I’m introverted, I am social enough, but I often wonder if something is wrong with me because, besides my sweet Brain husband and my kiddos, I don’t have consistent friendships. The truth is, however, we live in a time when real world relationships are so difficult. So, first, I wanted to say it is definitely not just you!! If you are like me, it might feel like it.

Like everyone else has suggested, just getting out there is one of the best ways to meet people. I’ve found outdoor concerts have some of the most easy going people, if you can make it to one and they don’t freak you out.

The two closest relationships of my life (friendship-wise) both started with me literally going up to someone… VERY awkwardly… and saying “I think you are pretty great and think we’d get along, can we do coffee next Tuesday at 10?” I made a direct plan, so they couldn’t say “yeah, sometime!” and never follow up. It worked out, even though I felt like dying when I did it.

Good luck finding your friends! Don’t give up, there are people for all of us :slight_smile:

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How the heck do you people manage to have a husband/wife/gf/bf :smile: Everything’s so confusing for me. People. Ugh… :laughing:

The key is in what @Tenshi said jokingly: “I only like to meet people I already know”

Join activities where you are volunteering to help others. Or join a hiking group. Or play some sport. Basically any activity where you spend hours with some of the same people again and again and you get to know them. So then the joke becomes reality!

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I kind of cheated. I met my Brain in high school and never found anyone better :). People are confusing, even when you marry them. Maybe more so when you marry them, lol. Then you add little people who are even more confusing and self destructive, lol.
It’s tough out there. Even though I can’t say I’m an expert at making friends AT ALL, I figure if I’m kind and responsible for my end of the friending (following up, etc.) then the right people will put up with my weirdness. LOL.

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This is an excellent plan. Hard to do, but the hard part is brief. It’s really useful to let people know you are wanting to make more friends and/or that you think they are interesting/likeable. Someone has to make the first move or both people stay stuck in their own heads wondering if the other person likes them or wants to hang out.

Fair question. I met my spouse through university. We were classmates and lab partners for 5 months first. A lot of people I know met their partner through university because it creates a situation where you see the same people again and again and get to know them. For my friends who met someone after university it’s often been through online dating. Instead of the “meeting repeatedly” approach it’s the “saying who you are and what you want” approach.

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