Emotional dysregulation? Not missing people.

Hello guys,

I am not really sure where this belongs, so I thought I post it here. It’s really more of a question if other people experience what I have experienced my whole life.

Does anyone here with ADHD just not miss their people and friends? Like when I am on a trip for like say a month, I don’t miss my family and friends. I am happy when I get back and see them again, but there is absolutely no feeling of homesickness or missing. Another example is not seeing family because they live a bit far away. (like at most a 2 hour drive) I haven’t seen my brother for months, but I don’t miss him. And it’s not like we have a bad relationship or something. We like each other a lot and get along very well.

Same with romantic relationships, I did not miss my partner when we had to be apart for a few weeks. I confessed it to them and they took it quite hard, like I did not love them enough. But I did.

The only people that I do miss are dead family and friends, because I know I can never see them again.

So anyone else have this too or am I the weird one here?

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I think I am somehow similar. I do not need many people in my life. I like being alone, or left alone, but not beeing lonely, not having anybody in my life. I like having my partner around, but do not long for her that much, provided I know she is there somewhere for me. Same with family, exept for my children

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I have friends but I do not really miss any of them.
I do not think this is emotional dysregulation. That would be like getting overwhelmed, or maybe disconnected. Maybe we do not need having other people in our physical vicinity very much, or not very dependent. That does not mean that we do not love or care for people who are significant to us.
I cannot stand other people defining how I or anybody else should feel or express my/ their feelings. Feelings are reactions to situations, and people perceive/ experience situations differently.

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Thanks for the reply! It’s nice to see that I am not the only one with feeling like this. Always felt that something was wrong with me because I didn’t miss people, or loved them in the ‘‘correct’’ way.

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We struggle enough, as it is , so I try to not fall victim to “normal peoples’” sometimes narrow conception of how humans work. It does not always work, but at least it is how I want to be

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I get this too, i can go months without seeing my family and not even realise, I never related it to adhd but maybe it is, I really relate to missing people who have passed though and weirdly now and then I really miss childhood friends and people who I haven’t see for years.

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I feel that way sometimes. I think for me it has to do with the “now and not now” version of time and relationships that come with ADHD. If my friends are present I can be intensely engaged and focused, but if they’re not it’s easy to fall by the wayside. I can go months without talking to someone who I would consider a best friend. It’s just easy to forget and get distracted. This has caused problems in the past and I’ve lost friendships. I have to make a conscious effort to be proactive and maintain those relationships now. Sometimes I even set reminders in my phone telling me to text someone if I haven’t heard from them. It definitely is a challenge. I feel like I miss out on a lot, but I appreciate my friends when they are there.

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This is exactly my husband, but he doesn’t have ADHD! He’s stoic about connections, and super independent. He explained it to me once, but I forget exactly. Something like, he knows he’ll see me, or friend, or family, again, so missing or longing is immaterial. I had to learn not to take it wrong (that I love him so much more than he loves me, or that he’s dehhhhhfinitely a sociopath).

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I’m very happy that you posted this. I also had the feeling I was just very weird.

My girlfriend asked me plenty of times (even when she did her exchange in the USA while I was still in Europe) if I missed her. I would lie and told her I did. Except, I usually would just “forget” about her. Don’t get me wrong, I loved and still love her very much. But when she is not there, I just don’t miss her. However, I never told her about it because I was afraid it would hurt her.

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I travelled through Europe in my twenties for 3 months, on my own, and I’d forget to ring family for weeks on end. Given they were in Australia you’d expect that I’d think you know, they might be worried? Nope, just happy in the moment. I’ve spent 2 birthdays totally on my own in various squares, Trafalgar, and Piazza del Popolo, and not even an inkling of ill feeling that I was on my own.

Lived in Melbourne, 7+ hrs drive from Adelaide for 4 yrs and well … seasons would pass without contact with old friends or family.

Agree that it’s not Emotional Disregulation as such, more just happy in the moment. Over the decades, the other observation is that with oldest and truest friends ‘see you when I’ll see you’ seems to be the norm. So 2 weeks is almost as long as 2 years in some instances, again with no ill will or malice intended or even mentioned upon reuniting; though if the old adage of being attracted to like minded people, I suspect that there’s more than a chance that these same friends are brains just a little like me.

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Yup it’s like this for me too. I think I subconsciously understand that they’ll come back, so I don’t worry about it.
On the other hand, I missed people a LOT when I was younger. In my head, I wouldn’t see them soon enough which was the same as not seeing them again shrug

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This sounds like me, and I have the same theory about why it happens.

I also struggle in the situations where the person is gone. There’s some part of processing the loss that doesn’t seem to completely sink in. I have a hard time really grieving and end up feeling mostly numb.

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I guess I never realized it but I’m much the same. I can go months without talking to the people who mean the most to me just bc “I forgot.” And sometimes, I outright just don’t want to. I feel bad about it, but there are many times where I think about contacting someone who probably misses me, and I just… don’t feel like it? My own dad had to ask if I was mad at him after not talking for a few months. He only lives about an hour away, but for some reason it’s really hard for me to maintain our relationship. It’s not like I don’t care, I just prefer in person communication and when that isn’t happening, communication as a whole stops. I feel bad about it but no part of me wants to actually go out of my way to contact people who don’t contact me first, so I don’t. I’ve probably hurt lots of people’s feelings this way and I feel bad about that. Its comforting to know I’m not the only one tho.

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