So, I’ve been away for almost 6 months and in that time I’ve been on Adderall, Concerta, and now Vyvanse.
I had a moment when I was on Concerta where I had seriously dosed myself up on Caffeine with both coffee and energy drinks to the point where I started to get concerned I was going to hurt myself. But then, seemingly out of nowhere, things all seemed to snap into place and my perpetual brain fog cleared and it seemed as if my mind was snapping from thought to thought with little to no slowing down. It was amazing.
So, I tried to get the dose increased so that I wouldn’t have to dose myself up to that point again. Because I figured that experience was what I needed to aim for.
But now I’ve run into some issues. Every time my doctor increases the dosage of my medications to try to reach this zone of clarity, my anxiety spikes and I end up with terrible side effects such as uncontrollable stimming and panic attacks.
We switched from Concerta to Vyvanse to see if we could get past this hurdle and also because so many users here reported Vyvanse worked best for them. But just last week I hit that wall again. I was on 30mg of Vyvanse and I started acting more and more irritated. I was self-soothing through stimming almost all the time and was having increased issues with not feeling anxious in normal situations. The worst part was that the mental blocks were still there and weren’t getting easier.
So now I’m torn.
I honestly don’t know if I’m expecting too much from medication and if the strange episode of clarity I experienced is actually the goal I should be shooting for or if it was just a freak incident of me overdosing.
I just don’t know. I also have no idea just how severe my ADHD actually is. Maybe the reason I’m having so much trouble is I’m actually super high on the ADHD spectrum? Maybe I’m not just borderline ASD and that is causing additional issues?
I’m currently sitting in front of my computer after spending an hour on video games. My spouse has a sister coming into town tomorrow and the house is a wreck. I don’t have time to be goofing off. But I’ve been so bad today. I’m still on 20mg of Vyvanse. Are my habits just that terrible? Where does the medication end and my own willpower begin? I have no idea what is my fault and what is the ADHD anymore.
I’m tired of hopping around on different medications with nothing but vague hopes that they will work. I don’t even know if my expectation of what they should do for me is realistic.