Finding structure in chaos. Welcoming fellow brains!

Hey yall!

Unofficial adhder here! Been watching HowtoAdhd with Jessica for about a year now! I’m 28 and havent been diagnosed but theres something about this forum that sets my brain at ease. It’s like our commonalities help level me out so I dont feel I’m alone, but that we are all working through things in our own way.

I am excited to hear everyone’s journey!! I recently reached out to a retired psychologist at my university and she recommended I get tested formally but also check for depression which I dont understand entirely, but better to be certain I am sure!

I’m in my junior year of college getting my Bachelor’s in Education for Elementary. Always loved school but always been very different from everyone. I am so excited to become a teacher to help other students realize their potential and receive the supports they deserve and help their voices be heard!

Jessica is quite an inspiration for me as are all of you!

I’m slowly trying to get things organized and improve my time management and cant quite stop bouncing my leg up and down but I am learning to be more active during those moments. I’m still talkative and yet quiet!

Just looking forward to your conversations and coming together amidst all the stigma against mental health its empowering how everyone is creating a community!!

Best wishes on your journey,

Harmony

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Welcome!

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Thank you so much! Learning so much already!

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Welcome, Harmony!

I felt the same way when I came here. It was as helpful as my initial discovery that I had ADHD, to know that I was no longer alone.

In fact, I’m just another dot in the crowd here, it’s great! :laughing:

And reading so many people’s stories… The commonalities are definitely there. It can be surprising how fully ADHD can affect our lives, personalities, even bodies.

But still we are so different, individuals with our own ways of doing things.

Depression is very commonly comorbid with ADHD, like a moth to a flame.

The funny thing is, that when I have been the most depressed, I can actually be smiling, cheerful and happy. I don’t even know I’m depressed sometimes. Until I get to a point where everything is grey, and I can’t even be bothered getting out of bed.

Luckily, I haven’t had any heavy episodes since I finally found out what my major malfunction is. That cheered me up immensely. :))

Maybe she has seen something in you that you are so used to now, that you consider it normal? Just throwing ideas out there…

You’re in the right place. Nice to meet you!

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Have a search for “restless leg syndrome” (RLS). It’s another potential comorbidity with ADHD.

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Welcome @Harmony.

It’s good to know that you find this community helpful. It doesn’t matter whether you are “officially” diagnosed or not (although I would like to suggest you to get yourself evaluated).
But if you find peace here, you don’t need a certificate to have conversation with us. We try to stand with each other through thick and thin.

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Hello Harmony!

I am curious about why your psychologist told you to check for depression. Well, yes, it often comes with ADHD, i suppose(probably i been there as well), but you seem to be really cheerful today, and you seem to know what are you aspiring to - so no hints of it for now.
Is everything alright?
It’s okay, we’re all human, we have emotions, and ADHD does a bit of extra messing them up.

Also - there is no stigma. Maybe somewhere outside there is, but in our minds there is not. Feel free to relax :slight_smile:

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Welcome . . . Sounds like you’ve “come home” . . . in a manner of speaking. I know the feeling . . . even though I’m 45 yrs. older than you . . . (But, I’m sure none-the-wiser than you!).

Good to have you here . . .

I visit every day . . . multiple times a day, and get so much from being part of a great bunch of people . . . Of any age :rofl:!

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Thank you, yes, definitely sounds like a match with RLS!

Is this something you experience also?

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Aloha and Mahalo @Smoj, (Hello and thank you)

It’s funny when you mention dot, as of course all our profile pics are indeed “dots.” Have you seen flipbooks on youtube about dot art? Pretty cool, there is like this 900 page book I believe all with dots in a flipbook.

I think I very much agree with you, that I am always smiling, cheerful and happy so unless I do have bouts of not being able to get out of bed (and even when I do experience them) I often neglect to think of them as depression. I have started journaling again and writing small reflections to give me a glimpse of and track my moods for when I seek another opinion.

It really makes me smile knowing you can relate in many ways and that there truly is that light I can look forward to during the darkest times. I appreciate what you mentioned acknowledging and I believe it was a response to my primary physician stating she wanted to have me tested for it when I experienced major fatigue and anxiety a year ago. I attributed it to stress with school but I will look into it more :slight_smile: thank you!

It’s been so great reading what you share and the connections you make, I appreciate it greatly!

Best,

Harmony

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Aloha (Hello) @Pomegranate,

What a sigh of relief, as I know finding a community in person, especially in small places can often be cumbersome, so knowing that this place is encouraging put an uplifting platform for voices to be heard means so much! I appreciate your suggestion and will proceed with my evaluation process, every and any bit of progress is progress right?!

Thank you for the peace of mind and solidarity!!

Best,

Harmony

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Aloha @Space_Ivan,

Thank you for your inquiry, and the sense of calm you have given me! I recall that my psychologist told me to check for depression because I told her I had spoken with my primary care physician and she had asked me if I was depressed because I was forgetting more than usual and was more withdrawn than normal, but that was a year ago. I still have bouts, but it means so much to me you asking how I am doing, reassuring me that emotions and feelings are human and normal and that I am in a safe space!

Today has been a good day, productive so far but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I am afraid I’ll lose the momentum come tomorrow. I work with elementary age children, which I love, but I notice working in retail environments or around heavy amounts of people and children can be stimulating and exciting while still completely draining, so definitely finding my balance.

Thank you, so very much for encouraging me to be unapologetically me. Looking forward to learn more about you.

Best,

Harmony

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Aloha @Brooklyn,

Certainly a “come home” moment! Spot on with that! I am excited to hear about your stories and wisdom with I am sure incredible memories from over the years and I appreciate the sentiment and openness you and others have expressed towards me, warms my heart so much!

I look forward to spending evenings on here, catching up, tearing up as I can relate, as I am sure many do!

Wishing you all the best,

Harmony

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Hi @Harmony!

It has always been a pleasure to find a new member. And, yes just the progress matters not the pace.

My ADHD was diagnosed almost a year back when I had been on treatment for Depression and Anxiety for 2 years. Few weeks earlier my Psychiatrist evaluated me for Autism Spectrum and guess what, I am on Spectrum too.

It was quite confusing and frustrating to have both ADHD and ASD. That was time, I joined this forum and found that there are other people who have both.

I guess no one completely understand these conditions. That’s why we need this Forum to share our struggles, failures, and success stories so that we can learn more and not feel alone.

Wish you the best.

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Hey @Pomegranate,

Your story really resonates! Were there certain aspects that brought your psychiatrist to also evaluate you for ASD? I have a very dear friend and he is also on the spectrum and has this entirely different view of the world that I appreciate so much! When I used to dorm on campus at the university, we often passed botanicals and he truly appreciated them, as though it gave his life color and I am not sure if that is entirely related to ASD as I often am reading about both ADHD and ASD when I can, but he and I really formed such a strong bond, so while I cannot begin to imagine the frustrations you endure, it means so much to me that we can share our struggles, failures, and successes with one another and the friendships we can all form!

Sometimes I think my struggles are just things I can overcome and I know better, but call it my overly optimistic outlook I suppose! My whole world opened up when I started exploring ADHD and helps me to not apologize so much and just accept and work on any depletions in dopamine I might experience and recognize patterns.

Can’t wait to hear from you, keep in touch!

Aloha,
Harmony

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Yes. As a kid, I would bounce my legs, but it wasn’t from any physical sensation, it just felt right to do it.

Now, I sometimes get to where I can’t get to sleep, because my leg muscles sort of twitch. I feel tension in the muscles, and it’s like I am forced to move them. It’s like an uncomfortable sensation if I don’t twitch them.

It’s normally worse if I’m heavily dehydrated, and totally exhausted. Or in a plane at altitude (I do a lot of flying for work).

Sometimes stretching the muscles and tendons can help. Or knocking back a bunch of water and electrolytes to kill the dehydration.

I scored a “weighted blanket” which many people find helpful for this. I can’t say it has helped much (maybe it has) but it feels comfortable to have the weight on me when I sleep in Winter. In Summer, I don’t use a blanket.

I tried magnesium supplements, as recommended, but can’t accurately say if they helped.

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Hey @Harmony

Yes!
I guess, I can see and hear things which most people often miss. If someone takes me to a botanical garden, I may point out things like why leaves and flowers are arranged in particular pattern. Why a plant is having stubby trunk but lots of branches? I may show them how tendrils curl around a branch by keeping my finger in touch with a straight nascent tendril for 20 - 30 minutes. I could visualise these sort of patterns in other things as well.

Once my Sister was appreciating the beautiful Christmas decorations and pointed toward a high hanging constellation of stars made of Thermocol (Polystyrene). I asked her that what did she think of all the large stars having their central portion cut out? Why there was not a single large “solid” star? She found the question weird and said that she didn’t see a logic behind it. I replied that, I thought the central part of large stars were cut to allow the airflow through them so that they remain stable as they were hanging quite high :sweat_smile:. Guess her reaction - :woman_facepalming:t2:.

Apart from this, I am socially awkward. I always faced trouble in finding friends. I have not been in a romantic relationship till now. It is quite challenging for me to initiate a conversation with a stranger. I get anxious in large gatherings and loud noisy atmosphere. I am highly sensitive about ethical issues and I feel a heightened sense of responsibility toward my work and people closer to me – this often triggers stress and guilt.

But I have learnt that much about Social interaction and facial expressions that my Autistic traits are not quite obvious.

Also, I hadn’t responded to ADHD drugs as per the expectations of my Psychiatrist for a year. She said that it seemed ADHD is just a piece of the puzzle and there is one or more pieces missing.

I hope I haven’t bored you or others with droning on and on about my idiosyncrasies.

Thanks for asking.

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@Smoj

Y’know I actually don’t recall much from my childhood, haven’t figured out why but I can say I’ve always bounced my legs without meaning to for as long as I can remember. I haven’t noticed if it was more or less from dehydration so I will take that into account. I don’t notice it first, usually someone else will point it out to me. I also had assumed it was my way of keeping time, but I attribute to having a family of drummers in my ancestry, yet no drum skills on my end, and I honestly probably am quite poor at keeping time, haha so I suppose that idea is null and void! When I do notice it most abundant, I try to do things to stop it like tuck it under my other leg or intertwine my legs…alas, to no avail!! Your recollections of the sensations you experience are bringing to my attention more to notice in my daily activities that I otherwise never thought to question until now. I find pens and things I can twirl or click most valuable to me, but comfortable blankets and clothes also play an enormous factor. I recently, because of Jessica, invested in the fidget cube, love it, gamercube gal for life!

You mentioned flying often for work, and from other threads we frequent, sounds like you do it often and you’ve traveled often, whereabouts have you been region wise and what compels you to do so?! Recently found a love for travelling even if just within my state, and it’s a goal of mine to venture out more! Recommendations please, future teacher aspiring to bring more culture into the classroom, here!! lol

I haven’t tried a weighted blanket but have heard of it, and I just may try it sometime. I see it at the local Walmart when I frequent and I often question of course how much it aligns with the real thing, but I suppose the concept is mirrored and it sounds worth trying! I have lots of blankets and soft pillows already so comfort definitely helps!!

I haven’t tried magnesium but I’ve seen videos reviews and read articles about them also. I’ve tried CBD drops thc free but I haven’t noticed a difference, although my sister says she does with my focus, so you’ve given me much to consider and focus my attention on!

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Ha ha… Down the ADHD rabbit hole we go! :wink:

I’ve never considered myself to be much of a fidgeter. When I used to get nervous, maybe. But I don’t recall it being much of a thing.

I do remember wanting to touch everything when I was in my single digit ages. I was very tactile, I gained so much from touching and feeling things. Less so now, but it’s still there.

My Dad used to really irritate me by constantly telling me “Look but don’t touch!” whenever I was depp in exploration mode. Apparently I almost dropped a priceless vase when I was two years old in Nepal, and it put the willies into him whenever I touched anything.

My work takes me thousand of kilometers into the bush. So I fly out for a week or two, then fly back home for a week or two.

But I grew up flying. Dad learned to fly during WW2, and kept it up for most of his life. At one point, he had an air charter company, but he’s never been a great businessman, and it never amounted to much. It’s still going now, I believe, but he got out ages ago.

Mum got her pilot’s license too, when she was pregnant with me. She was bored… She has ADHD too. It was pretty rare for women in the west to be pilots then, so she ended up in the newspaper.

As soon as I came out of hospital, when I was born in the state capital, I was in a light aircraft going home. Mum used to take me up for aerobatics, when I was in a crib, strapped into the right hand seat.

When I was about two,Dad flew me, my Mum, and her Mum and Dad to Kathmandu in Nepal, via Timor, Bali, Java, India etc. That was in a light aircraft, and the only room left for me was in the back on top of a liferaft.

When I was almost six, we moved to Hong Kong, and lived there for a few years until Grandpa got sick, and we came home to Australia again.

Since then, I’ve been all over the place, even Hawaii! (Technically, at least. I was stuck in Honolulu airport for five hours one time, in the middle of the night).

Then later, my ex-wife was a Russian girl I met in Thailand. She’d been living there for around 15 years. So I visited a lot, and also took her to other places. Vietnam, Cambodia, Indonesia etc.

She kept failing the Australian visa application, so I had to go to her. It put a great strain on the relationship, and the rest is history.

I get away overseas as often as I can. Sometimes every two or three months. But COVID has ruined that idea for now…

Come on… You’re just a real hippy aren’t you! :laughing:

I’ve never tried CBD except in its natural herbal form. What I’ve read sounds interesting though.

But I did have some success with micro doses of THC, also from the same herb… I can’t really experiment too freely because of work. But in “recreational” doses it really was the only thing I found tat could stop me overthinking all the time. Both a good thing, and a bad thing. It makes you lazy and apathetic, not great when you have trouble wih that anyway.

Micro dosing just a small amount did seem to give me the benefits, without the downsides, but I didn’t try often enough to get a good feel for it.

Cheers! Nice of you to say! That’s why we’re all here, to learn, or to help.

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@Pomegranate,

I am attempting uncharted territory with responding via cell text capabilities versus a computer as I’ve started too long at the screens so I apologize in advance as I may not make any sense here as I filter through my thoughts haha! (Texting not my forte)

For some reason I’m drawn to the game pokemon as we start discussing tendrils of plants! I get excited about all aspects of learning! I very much enjoy plants but I can only speak to the local plants in my area and I’ve much more to learn!

As for the instance with your sister and the Christmas star, I quite like the way you described how its hollow core allows it to hang, I thought of and mistook your description for planets for a moment and so I reread this several times, not at all because I couldn’t follow your thoughts because I felt like I could relate, but rather it brought me to make other connections and I think I got caught up!!! (Planets have a mass in the center rather than hollow core and so I fell down the rabbit hole lol)

Social cues definitely dont come easy I imagine and may take getting accustomed to dont they? My friend with ASD has explained hugging others is often difficult and I had to remember when I went to hug him as I’m the hugging type, but he’s gotten used to it and now is open to offer hugging me at first greeting now! But he has said it takes a lot and I respect that!!

Well initially starting is hard for me too, but I am so excited because you responded to me and I bet you’re meeting lots of individuals on this forum! Check those off your goals cause you’re getting it done!!! Truly I feel I’m at home and I enjoy reading every story! Relationships are very awkward so dont even sweat it! I like to think of it as stages, some people are on the same stage as you and you havent met them yet, others arent, almost maybe, but not entirely and so it leads to rocky starts and endings (insert tectonic plate reference here). I’ve experienced that in relationships both intimate and with friends so just dont let it stop you. For myself because I also get extremely protective of family I try to just focus on them, school, and teaching. But everyone here has great insights, it’s very compelling!!

Thank you so much for sharing! Sounds like you’re accomplishing much and making dents in hurdles, dont stop!!!

Best,

Harmony

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