Hello there Brains and hearts!
I found the channel last week and about this forum here a couple days ago and since I’m struggling to join and make this post, because I got reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally anxious and nervous, so I was working up on my willpower to just join and post here when I read that post about the forums being decommissioned and that just got me that “Oh just my luck, really?” and the planning went south, but after a good night of sleep, I wake up and get all of my strength to sigh in and make the dawn post before I give up again and engage in procrastination mode again… and here I am, so YAY me, I did!!! (Actually, I’m in the middle of doing it, but let’s hope I will go trough it until I finish without further interruptions).
1. Intro (a.k.a. the short version of me):
My name is Leandro, I’m 38, from Brazil, have ADHD predominantly inattentive (and thanks the gods for the spell checker!!!), I was diagnosed about 6 year ago, used the meds for a couple of months but dropped them (because it’s complicated and reasons) and been learning how to adapt and function in a mostly non adhd friendly world since. I had to figure most of the things by myself (and actually got really good at figuring things on my own), but that “alien stigma” of being so different that you don’t feel you like belonging anywhere sticks like bubblegum in the shoe when you are the only person with adhd around.
So that I got really excited and happy when I found Jessica’s channel and specially about this forum (I’m introvert and social media is kind of complicated for me (still trying to work my way on Instagram and join discord), so for me getting excited about socializing and exposing myself publicly really means a lot), so I’m glad to being here besides all the “drama” involved for me to being able to push me on doing it.
Also to make matter MOAR complicated (because who doesn’t like an extra challenge?), my “job” (more on this latter on) is taking care of my elderly grandparents with my mother, so it’s been a big challenge for me to manage to take care of myself all the while taking care of other people without freaking out (a lot… ).
2. Goals and Accomplishments (aka bragging about myself time!):
a) I got 2 bachelor degrees, my first one in Computer Science, I didn’t really like it, so it took me 2 extra years than the usual 4 and I almost went totally nuts by the last year, but I got really got proud of it because of the ultra extra effort I put on to finish it. My second one is on Sculpture, that one was really hard because of the sheer amount of work I had to do, but I really liked and enjoyed it and I’m working on making my workshop/atelier/workplace for the last couple of years (being intermittently working on organizing and improving it as I can and its turning out really nice already).
b) I made my own electric guitar!!! I really love music and electric guitars since my early teens, music helped me cope with a lot of adhd stuff so I’m very fond of how It helps set my mood when I can’t do it all by myself (also blocks external annoying noises/persons) it took me almost 10 years from I want to make an electric guitar to finishing the thing with lots of tears and rage quitting and almost giving up but finishing it kind of marked my first victory over overcoming my own hardships with my perfectionism, managinf long term projects and sticking to something until you finish it, even if you fail at it or it doesn’t come out as you imagined it would, also planning things… I also finished the speaker cab for it this weekend and am planning on how to make the actual amplifier for it next…
c) Learning to play guitar, I started taking lessons online last year, but it wasn’t working very well, so I decided I should take regular guitar lessons instead, tried a music school but it didn’t went well, so I’m getting personal lessons from a teacher, it got a lot better, still some of the thing he try to make me study is not very adhd friendly so I get frustrated with it sometimes, also I’m struggling on creating the habit of practicing everyday (that might have something to do with hyper focusing on making a certain guitar cabinet last month), but somehow I’m improving, still not good enough to play and sing at the same time (even not at the same time to be honest…) also I may or may not take singing lessons in the future as well, but I want to get good at playing the guitar first before starting another thing (learned that the hard that I should try to learn two different new things at the same time as it usually my brain meshes up both together in weird ways that are hard to split after…).
d) Making friends, I don’t really have any close friends anymore, so I’m hoping to make a couple of friends that can understand that sometimes I just forget to talk to them (because I’m hyperfocused in something else), but that doesn’t mean I don’t like them (this is not a true story at all and I may or may not be lying about it right now) or when I remember that it’s like 2 months since we last talk that I don’t feel ashamed about it or have a hard time even talking to them because I feel like I’m interrupting or being somehow inconvenient because they should have something better to do than spending time with me (now this is getting somewhere that might make me cry… lol).
2.5 (Because obviously I remembered another thing that I totally wanted to put here after I have written everything else):
I didn’t knew that fidgeting was a thing (or had a name) until I saw it in the channel, I do have a couple that I know I do consistently (pen and fork spinning, feet and finger taping, also drawing on school was my way to go to manage to listen to my teachers), now that I’m aware of it I will sure put it to some good uses, thanks for that!
There was something else that I saw in the channel that I didn’t knew that I wanted to address a thanks here but I totally forget what it was!
3. (or 4?) Outro:
Hope it didn’t get toooo long (I have a hard time reading long texts, I wonder why, so I usually try, in vain, to be as short and concise and objective as possible, so sorry if it’s hard to read, also sorry if bad grammar, I hate to proof read my own texts so it goes usually as I dump it from my brain and gods, that is (mostly) messy sometimes…
Also if someone wants to try some Portuguese talking (or aren’t good enough with English) feel free to send an “Olá”, (I don’t speak Spanish but it’s similar enough I can manage to understand it so if you know it, you can try throw some español at me as well!
I guess thats enough for now and thanks for having made this place so I can meet fellow brains and hearts!!!