Well I found a way to get along with my wife. I’m at Disney world today (we go often). After arguing all night and this morning regarding my adhd when I got here I decided to stay silent. It works. I’m giving 100 percent of my attention (that I can manage) to not say anything and keep calm to myself. It’s a struggle but every time I open my mouth I say something that annoys her and makes her mad. So I’m stuck in a life of silence to not argue. I wish I had the strength to fight this but I can I back down and crumble. I can’t argue like her she’s much more sophisticated and organized in her thoughts. She says I have a wonderful life to to explain why I feel depressed and sad but when in the moment my mind races but just come up with I’m a shitty husband. I have no fight left in me. I’m so done with life being like this struggling to survive my mind and life… It’s too much


Hey @Fscott,

I feel you. Whilst I am not currently in a relationship, the prior encounters have always been difficult, especially when it comes to communication. //None of them (including me) knew, I had ADHD. No medication or therapy, or community for that matter.

You seem like you do care for her to understand/hear you. I found the women in my life to be much better at empathy, than I thought.

Maybe try expressing to her your emotional battles in a way you’re comfortable with. Leave the ADHD topic away, until she asks where certain emotions are coming from.

Just a way I found women like to listen ;). But I bet you’ll come up with an even better idea, if you put your mind to it :brain:



I’m so sorry to hear this. I too have shut down in the past when I’m constantly told that my feelings aren’t valid. But your feelings ARE valid. I’m sorry she denies them, but I support you and what you feel. It doesn’t matter how “good” your life is. That doesn’t matter when depression has its hold on you. It sounds like she is shaming you for not appreciating all the good you have in your life, and that’s so hurtful. Especially when you know there are struggles that she’s refusing to acknowledge.

Have you thought any more about going to see a doctor without informing her? Is that something you can manage?


Thank you and it’s something that I’ve adapted to its easier.

As for seeking help well I shot myself in the foot as always. I lost yet another job and lost my benefits so now I can’t go to the doctor I can’t get back on medication I’m stuck in the same vicious circle I’m always in. I’d like to know how it feels to not be a failure. It is that I am a failure. 20 + jobs in 10 years failed at all of them. I’m just not destined to get help as bad as I want it without money with out a job and benifits. Reasons to not give up are becoming scarce. Thank you for taking time to read my disaster.


OK, I know it’s annoying when people try to “fix” problems that you just want to vent about, but I wanted to share some resources I’ve used over the years.

Are you in the US? I ask, because open enrollment for the healthcare exchange is going on right now. Often you can also apply and/or see if you qualify for Medicaid through the website healthcare.gov. You have to do it before December 15 though. I obtained medicaid for my son that way. Especially if your job coverage was covering your whole family, you are more likely to qualify. It varies from state to state of course, but maybe it’s worth a try? If you can get coverage that way, they WILL cover treatment options for your depression and ADHD.

Also, back before the ACA when I couldn’t get insurance because my ADHD was a preexisting condition, I would sometimes attend peer groups. You might check the CHADD website or just search the internet for free peer groups that you could attend to talk about your struggles with ADHD.

Alternatively, although not the best option, if you are feeling suicidal, go to an ER and tell them so. They will admit you for observation/evaluation. And the nurses and doctors can help you figure out how to pay for further treatment.

I’m so very sorry you are in this situation. It feels hopeless, but please don’t lose hope. Keep coming back and talking to us. We’re here for you.


Thank you, yes I am in the US… Florida. It’s a tad harder for me because she don’t believe in adhd getting to the doctor is the hardest part without her knowing. She makes good money has insurance for her and the children just not me. Probably knowing I would go get treatment that I need. My situation is completely ****ed up and I know it. But I’m afraid to do anything about it. Rather have my head a mess and not be alone than to escape this personal hell and get help. If I attempt to get help now I’ll lose it all. I don’t have it in me to walk away its easier to crumble I guess. Thank you for everything I appreciate being able to talk and get some of this off my chest. One day when I can hold a job and have my own insurance I’ll get help…