My name is Emily and I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid. No idea when, only that that it was a thing I always knew about myself even when I had no idea what those letters meant. When adults or other kids told me I was too loud or too hyper or to stop bouncing, I always just told them that I had ADHD, though I could never remember what that meant. I was a very stereotypical ADHD kid. There would be no doubt about my diagnosis. Elementary school and jr high were a bit of a struggle for me. I couldn’t focus in class, I couldn’t sit still, my attitude was too much for some of my classmates, i dont think I was very spatially or socially aware until maybe 8th grade (I kid you not I ran into walls and doors a lot). Luckily, my mother is a special ed teacher and she worked with me and my sister (who had asperger’s and ADD) on coping mechanisms and tricks to make school “easier”. Highschool was so much better. I still couldn’t focus through lectures, and history class was an absolute loss, but I managed to become an A student. I graduated college with a 4.0 and a false idea that I had somehow beat or grown out of ADHD.
Boy was I wrong.
I went back to school for another degree, started living on my own, and started working in my field of study. And it was like my ADHD came back with a vengeance. Not that it ever really left. I realize now that I became adept at managing my issues and symptoms in the environment I was currently in. I became very good at making up for my shortcomings or just hiding them. However when my environment changed I had a hard time coming up with new habits and ways to function.
Now I’m out of school and I’ve moved away from home and it’s just been an absolute struggle to function. I can’t keep things in my head, when my supervisor gives me verbal instructions I have to write them down or I wont remember them, I start doubting if I heard them correctly. Or she has to repeat them several times because I just cant seem to understand what she is saying. My procrastination is back in such an odd way that I have trouble understanding it. I know I need to send that email, like two days ago, but I just cant. And sometimes I’ll just shut down because I know I need to do the thing before the other things but instead I just do nothing.
So, recently I’ve started really looking into ADHD. Despite it being something I’ve had my whole life I never really looked into it. I just adapted the best I could. Now i just feel like I’m not functioning right, like everyone else has recieved a set of directions and I didn’t.
What I’m finding terrifying is how much of my daily life and habits are connected Adhd. It’s nice to learn about things like Emotional Dysregulation and working memory, but also frustrating.
I have never tried adhd meds though I have thought about it a bit these last few years. I just always think that I am functioning “well enough” and I’m afraid of what meds might do. Whether it will mess with my current normal or help it.
I found How To ADHD while doing my casual research and found her channel very encouraging. I’m looking forward to connecting with you all through this community.