I’m Elisa, 23. I’m currently not-so-succesfully studying physics at my local university.
I’m only currently diagnosed with depression, a sleep disorder and I also have fibromyalgia (I’m so lucky that I have both physical and mental issues).
I’m here because my therapist thinks I have ADHD and/or learning disabilities that went undiagnosed because (most likely, I don’t know for sure) I could cope with it until my health got worse. Or it’s because university, now from a 20 page test now I need to prepare a 200 pages textbook in three to four months and I can’t really plan.
I have severe executive dysfunction. I procrastinate for weeks, when I start doing some work I always think “I should do this, that…” and get distracted. And do the other stuff, because apparently putting away laundry is better than studying.
When I try to solve some problems, despite my understanding of the material I have to redo the exercise three times because there is often a detail that I miss the first time and I get everything wrong. Or I always feel like I’m missing something.
I have the habit to walk around the house with no purpose just because I can’t sit down, even if I’m in pain and I waited for my couch all day long. It’s so weird and people tell me that I give them anxiety when I do that. I just feel the urge to do that even if i’m at other’s people home or in a library (which is an issue).
I daydream all the time, and I never actually talked about this to anyone, it makes me feel like I’m crazy because well… I spend HOURS each day daydreaming. I like writing and often this daydream is related to what I’m currently writing. Which is… terrible. I have serious trouble because I can’t stop and do something else.
I’m on the verge of dropping out university as I did with high school (i got my diploma anyway, but it’s a scar that will never heal), because my grades sucks. Physics is one of the subject I really cared about in my life other than math. But I feel stupid because I can’t get good grades (or acceptable grades), even if I get what I’m doing, but I can’t focus enough to master the ability. I could really do wonder if, somewhat, somehow could use my “daydream ability” to solve math or physics problems. I just can’t, because I always struggled in school and I’m too anxious and I can’t focus enough to do well.
When I was 7 I was sent to see someone, but they stopped testing after the IQ test (I have an higher than average IQ, not a genious though). And doing all these tests… my anxiety is skyrocketing.
Even if I stop going to university there is no way I can handle a job like this. I’ll end up getting fired in days, because even if I start with all the good intentions in the world I rarely get something done.
I never accomplished anything in my life. The only thing I didn’t messed up is the relationship with my boyfriend, but it took me a lot of effort. (And him too).
I hope to find some coping strategies here(and amazing people too!). I also hope that getting a diagnosis(and an appropriate therapy) will improve my grades and my life, because hell, I can’t keep going like this.