Hello! Or should I say the other "H" word?

Intros
#1

Hello!

Just thinking about writing this makes me go bananas… I tried many times to write the guidelines of my life (here and everywhere) and just can’t as usual. My mind just goes everywhere without control. Let’s give this another try and stop before going too far and not posting this like all the other times I tried to share some of myself.

Officially ADHD with Impulsivity for the last 3 years (and I’m 51) but knew since I was around 10.

I have some souvenir of my parents denying me medication at the doctor’s office when I was around 10 because they didn’t believe in it. If I could only go back in time…

Will continue later…Overwhelming.

LeFrere!

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#2

Welcome to the HowToADHD forums @Lefrere !

That was definitely a good introduction.

I’m JD, and I have the Inattentive presentation (very little impulsivity, in fact I’m quite the opposite most of the time, and I have no hyperactive traits at all). I was diagnosed 1 year ago, at 45.

#3

Thanks JD.

I might have Impulsivity on the good days but since I dont have so many good days(and mostly faking them when I do) I tend to be on my ass trying to figure out what to do with what’s gonna pop-up in my mind next and cant get out of it for awhile.

That’s all I do with my “Free time”. If I have something to do (and mostly forced to do) I’ll do without problems. If I have a few seconds to myself…Damn! I’m back to square one. Iv been like this for the past 10 years (if not more and its getting worst and worst).

I know there’s a day I will see through it and I will figuring it out on the “Fly” like I used to but for now…Its another story that involves a lot people, a lot of events in my life and mostly, yes mostly feelings that I dont know how to deal with them anymore. I guess the suppressing/ignoring thing doesn’t work anymore. Sh…t!

L

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#4

I found that my ADHD traits/symptoms get more pronounced when I’ve got a lot of anxiety.

(At the time I was diagnosed with ADHD, I was dealing with severe anxiety. I estimate that my ADHD was 3-5 times worse than normal.)

Now, I know how to keep my anxiety in check (mostly) via mindfulness, journaling (when I remember to), and talking out my feelings. Also, the ADHD medication I take is atomoxetine, a selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI) which has some effect as an SSRI antidepressant (thus, atomoxetine is often listed as an SSNRI - selective serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor). It helps, but it doesn’t completely keep depression and anxiety in check.

  • The brand name of atomoxetine is Strattera. It is a non-stimulant ADHD medication.

I like to think I’ve learned my lesson, that suppressing my feelings only leads to more anxiety. It definitely contributed to emotional withdrawal in my marriage, and it now looks like my wife and I will probably wind up divorced. (There’s a lot of factors, including the effects on the family of my long-time undiagnosed ADHD. My anxiety and emotional withdrawal in recent years just sorta pushed things further the wrong way.)