Hello 🙋‍♂️

So I’ve been lurking these forums for a while now, on and off, and I’ve seemed to have missed posting up here. :sweat_smile:

Quick side note: I’ve put my name up as Bron, it’s a shortened version of my online alias and is loosely connected to my actual name.
I figured it was easier than ‘A friendly face’ :grin:
I used to be very open regarding my identity online, but I’ve since had family and choose to be a little more private for their sake. It’s not because I don’t trust anyone, you all seem great!!

Quick summary:
I am husband and a father to 3 children. (7, 4, 1) I live in Australia, Queensland.

I am currently on going a journey to diagnoses, determined to finally see it through this year.(now first psychiatry appointment next week!)

I have always ‘suspected’ I might have it, only since attempting to manage family and receiving ongoing psychological therapy have I really sparked an interest in actually considering a diagnoses, as life as you could imagine, is currently a massive struggle.

My eldest, who is actually my step son, has also been recently diagnosed with ADHD, and going through the list and drawing comparisons in behavior with my own was also a massive red flag for me to check myself. :sweat_smile:

My mum and I also suspect she has undiagnosed ADHD, her career choice and trauma have likely maked her symptoms.

My wife: We’ve recently been looking into her struggles and symptoms and have recently learnt she presents very Autistic and are undergoing official assessment, actually starting today. Trauma has also further masked her symptoms. (Generally females on the spectrum are already professional maskers)

I’m nearly 30 and looking back, I have no doubt my nuerology has severely impacted my entire life and I really wish I had of considered looking into this years ago. That’s the past now and it only motivates me more now to do something about it. :facepunch:

Back story/My ADHD journey:
Grab your popcorn and a drink, this is going to take a while. :popcorn::nerd_face::cup_with_straw:

Early years:
My earliest memories in relation to ADHD were back in grade 3, my teacher would be frequently mid-sentence, teaching the class, when he would suddenly cut to saying, “And Bron, sitting down”, in a calm manner, as I’d be always up walking around, when I was supposed to be sitting. In the same year, some of my teachers less calm moments, I remember having a complete lack of an ability to get my ‘tidy tray’ (desk draw), tidy. To the point where he got so fed up and launched my tray with all its contents to the other side of the classroom floor.
Also through many of my eariler primary school years, i remember being targeted by school bullies, because I would always ‘over react’ and often get in far more trouble than they would for provoking me.
On the home front, I was an only child for 6 years until I nagged my parents for two more siblings, because I was so bored, when I wasn’t busy with my world of Lego or computer games.
Given the people I’ve met and stories I’ve heard over the years, I’d consider myself rather fortune that this was all I had to worry about.
My teachers and other parents had mentioned to my parents in those eariler years to get me tested for ADHD, but my mum was terrified of the label and stigma it would bring and refused to look into it further. :man_facepalming:
I don’t blame her for the choice she made, because i know that everything she has done for me growing up, has been with good intentions. Doesn’t make it less frustrating though.

Fast forward a little, I thought I was a fairly normal kid, though I only ever had 1 or two close friends at any given time and out of the 3 really close friends i made in my 13 years at the same school were:
-The one between the ages of 9 and 12, moved down to Canberra that year, we still occasionally keep in touch.
-The one I made when I was 10, I’m pretty sure he also has undiagnosed ADHD and was one of two groomsmen at my wedding, we’re still close.
-The other I made when I was about 13, was my best man at my wedding and to this day is probably the most chill, understanding, go with the flow down for anything kind of guy I know.
He’s really well organised and is horrible at initiating contact or catch ups, so it works well. :sweat_smile:
-The only other close friend I properly made was through the church, when I was 14, though him and his wife moved to Melbourne with his wife a few years ago, though we are still really close.

I’ve gone into detail here, about my friends for two reasons:

  1. You’d have to know the type of people they are because for a large part, they have grounded me through life, been there when I needed them and ‘mostly’ kept me out of trouble.
  2. Up until I had family, 6 years ago, I used to think I was friends with literally everyone, always meeting new people, catching up with everyone, all the time, even when I should of been doing other things. :sweat_smile: I was hyper social.
    I’ve since learnt though, having such a large circle, causes those that actually consider themselves close to you, to hurt or start to distance themselves. I learnt at a pretty rapid rate at that point, just how few people i thought I was friends with, actually considered me to be apart of their ‘close circle’. It nearly broke me.
    And without those 3 sturdy friends, my life would like very different today, i can gaurentee you that.

Learning further this year, just how hard it can be to maintain a friendship with ADHD, really explained a lot, but also made me so much more thankful for those that I do have.

Side note:
My point is, if you think you have a life friend like that in your life, that gets you and is able to be around you at your worst and keep coming back.
Hold on to them! Do what you can to show your appreciation. ~

Back to my back story :sweat_smile:

Through high-school, I channeled a lot of my excess energy into sport, soccer every lunch from 12 to 15y/o, then i hit 6ft tall and played 4 hrs of basketball everyday from 15 to 17y/o.

Grade 8 I hyper focused on Japanese, as my family had a long term (18 months stay) Japanese exchange student staying with us and it was a subject I had at school.
I would study kanji through some other classes I found boring, spent way too much time folding origami for all my classmates, was better than my Japanese teacher at that. :rofl:
Achieved a grade 10 standard of speaking and listening and grade 12 level of reading and writing and was sent to a grade 11/12 ‘two day course’ at another school to further my learning, just that year.
Grade 9 I got bored with Japanese, took an interest in girls and ended up spending most of my Japanese classes, teaching the other students.
Which looking back, wasn’t uncommon in classes that I actually knew what was going on, it would frequently happen in my Math classes through senior years, I loved to teach!

Post school:
Graduating school, I took a gap year, worked, then returned to study, because I loved learning, at that point, I had decided I was going to be a game developer! Didn’t quite get the exiting grades I needed to make it into the university level bachelor’s degree, so I bridged my way in with a diploma, started in IT ( Website development).
Deadset, the first three weeks of my Diploma, 3 days a week, 8 hrs a day, sitting at the one computer nearly the while time.
I nearly lost my mind and I new that at that point, I could never do an office job 9-5 or study a degree where I was so stationary. :neutral_face:
I had already paid for half the diploma though and still wanted to study something, so I finished that year, bridged to university, as planned,
But instead of continuing into game development, I stared a Bachelor of Education majoring in Mathematics and Health and Physical Education.

I competed 2 years full time, half way though, moved out of home half way through, blew through $3000 of savings in 3 months, on groceries. Yes, meal planning was not my strong point, no most of that was not take out :neutral_face: I had least had a ball experimenting with cooking, usually took me 4 hours to prepare most meals…

At the end of my first 2 years at university, I had failed about 3 out of my 16 units over those 2 years, but due to my wisdom teeth and lack of stable enjoyment, I decided it best to defer my following year of university and try and earn some more money, to pay off my new debt and pay for a new laptop.
1 year off university turned into 2, as I was finally able to enjoy a full time disposable income and I had gone further into debt, needing a new car.

Finally stared my 3rd year of university, crushed it, finally had housemates that were less distracting, lived in the city, near everything I needed to travel to, so had way more time to organise myself, meal plan, frequent the gym, etc. Had a really solid routine that year and a job that I could literally write my own hours, from 3 to 50 hrs a week, as I saw fit, week to week. This all helped heaps and honestly was the most productive I’ve ever been in my life, to date. I even managed to save $3000 in the first 6 months of being at university full time that year!!

End of that 3rd year, things got a little more shakey, as my relationship with my now wife took a turn for the worse. While she was about 3 months pregnant with our first child, my past poor conduct and conversations came back to bite me and I quickly turned my focus from university to attempting to recover my relationship, as I was attempting to be more adult, as an expecting father and didn’t want to throw it all away.

Another side note: It’s worth noting, that up until this point, I was pretty convinced I was just lazy and liked being around people, fully dismissing the idea that i was ADHD, though it was still at times a running joke. My 2nd job at McDonald’s, I was referred to as ‘pinger boy’, not actually knowing what that was slang for at the time. :man_facepalming:

Married life, with kids:
Now the real hard years of my life began.
So, one of my most reoccurring life habits, is biting off more than I can chew, so-to-speak, or over-committing and these years are my life’s most prime example as such.

2015: 3rd year of university, got engaged, first child underway.
2016: moved in with a partner for the first time, with her son, 2 weeks before our daughter was born, 1 week before the start of my 4th year of university.
Failed all 4 units when wife got sick at end of Semester.
Got married Sept that year.
2017: after moving house 6 times the 3 years prior to this, we moved a further 2 times at the start and end of this year.
2018: 3rd child due start of year, lost her (passed away) 4 days before the due date, 3 days after my birthday.
Spiraled hard, diverted attention to trying to change from truck driving to an office job, tried to buy a house and started a Bachelor of Accounting, all during the second half of that year.
2019: Was a dark year for me, I closed myself off from a lot of people, buried my head into my work and started up a debilitating addiction to on online mobile phone game, where I found a sense of community and control.
2020: wrote off my car due to said addiction, nearly ended in divorce and finally started to put my foot down and turn my life back around.
Looked into ADHD, become convinced it had been setting me back and an underlying issue my whole life.

So here I am, now in the same month as my wife, we are both undergoing psychological and psychiatric assessments to official confirm our conditions.

I don’t for a moment think I have it all together or all the answers, despite coming across at times a little pretentious, I always mean well and don’t consider myself to be better or ‘above’ anyone.

I’m thankful to have this community here and look forward to continuing engagement with you all here.

And no I don’t mind if you have skimmed through this, I’ve tried to categorise what I’ve written to make it more of a ‘digestible’ read. :sweat_smile:
Thank you for whatever amount you’re able to read and a WELL DONE if you actually read the whole thing through!! :grin:


Welcome . . . :australia:

actually I didn’t read the whole thing through and found your story very interesting. I’m 73 with ADHD. my 43-year-old son has ADHD and so does his 11-year-old daughter. I was diagnosed 20 years ago and since then have thought of myself a little more kindly :relieved:.

Glad to have you here and I look forward to seeing how life is treating you . . .


I also skimmed and could relate to parts and challenges. Welcome to the community!


I read half of it, but because I already spent too much time here already, but I will come back at night and finish it all!!! :sweat_smile:

Also good luck with the assessment for your wife and your diagnosis, rooting for you both here, getting the right diagnosis really improves treatment quality a lot!!! Do the things and don’t forget to put all the appointments in the planner and stick all the reminders!!!

Oh yeah and welcome aboard as well!!! :smile:



actually I did read the whole thing through . . .


Okayyy now I really read it all (took me a while specially because I keep getting things pouring out of my eyes that makes harder than usual for me to read… :rofl:).

I"m start to wonder if lego and video game ins’t really a tell tale of adhd I was so like that, also I got into Computer Science because I wanted to learn how to program so I could make computer games but ended up working with application support for a bank.

I had to google that, so you are not alone here too :sweat_smile:

A bit off topic now: when I was a kid, I used to think that Australia was like in mad max 2 (because I did heard somewhere saying that it was recorded in there), so I though Australia was a super cool place to specially after getting more into music and finding out that ac/dc and midnight oil were from there (also anyone knows/likes airbourne?), then came internet and crushed all my illusions and fantasies about a post apocalyptic country in the world :sweat_smile: I still thinks it’s cool (but it was waaay cooler on my imagination anyways, sorry).

Thanks for sharing your story and you really write it in a way that I can read easily, I can’t point exactly what it is but I find it’s easier for me to read you… :smile:


Thank you all for your warm responses! :grin:


I have them up on the kitchen calender and in my main planning dairy, this month and next month have been crazy for different appointments.
Between my wife and I we’ve both had dental, psychology and physiotherapy, I’m about to have psychiatry along with a big birthday party, needles and ongoing soccer training, coaching and refereeing. :see_no_evil::speak_no_evil:
I’ve very nearly forgotten a few things, I’m constantly double checking the next day and current day, it’s been very stressful!


Coding for a bank seems like a much more productive and useful idea. Honestly, studying programming created a huge paradigm shift in problem solving and the way I would construct my thoughts.
It’s the similar organised structure of information and data that has attracted me to the accounting industry, particularly managerial accounting.

My point here is, what I believe these all have in common and why perhaps they attract the ADHD brain is that they present a world where there is enough structure, organisation of data and categorization of the varying aspects in each field, coupled with the potential for a mass amount of autonomy to explore your endless creative ideas, without having to organize the information all in your head.
If that makes sense. :slightly_smiling_face:

That’s awesome! :rofl: to be fair a large amount of the land in Australia is in fact desert! The more rural areas of the country have random pockets of civilization, followed by hours of road through desert.
A majority of the country’s population is along all the coastlines.
Also, everything here can kill you, most of those animals and arachnides come out at night. At least half of them though are more found in the rural areas of the country though. :slightly_smiling_face:

If I don’t structure and space out large amounts of text like this it becomes physically painful for me to write and proof read. :sweat_smile:


If I don’t have it with me (on my phone) I usually forget to check it or update it consistently to be useful for more than a couple of days (If I don’t manage to somehow loose it), but I think when there are more than one people appointments to keep track together (and maybe help remember each others appointments) that can be a good solution, anyway if it’s working for you both no need to mess with that I guess. From my experience I still forget a lot of things but usually are minor things that are not really urgent, I do get a lot more forgetful when I’m really anxious or stressed out or if there are other people pushing me (I do not really like doing things under pressure at all, kinds of make my brain to blue screen and I usually get stuck and really annoyed or reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally stressed double/triple checking things because I’m trying to keep re tracking and rechecking things to be sure I’m not forgetting or messing anything, basically that was one of the big reasons I quit my last job and am trying to somehow be self employed doing things that I really like doing).

Yeah too many appointments and things to keep track of can be really overwelming, when my grandpa was really sick and we had lot’s of appointments, exams and lot’s of medicines was really hard to manage everything myself (I found it was easier when I was the one keeping tracking of everything so I could at least track and mark the appointments in ways I could manage easier than let then do their things and just communicate me of their appointments and I had to crack my head trying to fit all their appointments on my planning).

Yeah, double/triple checking is kind of necessary but I get that being all obsessed with forgetting thing is really stressful, you should not blame the double checking for it though because for me it’s a good habit to have (I try to check my things/appointments every time I leave/get to a different place so I can at least have a clue to were I lost something :sweat_smile:, sometimes I still forget to do it but I always try to remember to ask myself: Do am I taking everything I need with me? Do I forgot anything? and I also try to keep an eye on the time and be mindful of it so I don’t get totally lost in time and be late). You have to figure a way that you can do those things without stressing so much about it, actually I think that stressing about it really worsens it for us, so we get more forgetful and mess things more often as well.

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It would be if I had the opportunity to code at it, they put me on support because I had prior experience with that (long story that has to do with me being good at English in a prior job), I really like programing and software development a lot, but my job was really fixing errors and finding solutions for crappy made programs that the bank used all while a lot of people pressuring you to do it as fast as possible because usually things broke near initial office hour and the system should be working fine before it. For me it was really stressful and totally not fulfilling, even if I somehow was kind of good at it and I really hate being stuck in office even if I don’t have nothing to do (which happened a lot in support, you get lots of downtime than 2-3 systems broke at the same time, which in itself is another really bad thing for someone with adhd to cope with), but by that time I still had the slightest idea that all that frustration was rooted on my adhd so I blamed on myself not being good enough for working with people, so I quit and tried to pursue back at my academic career and got myself enrolled in a masters degree abroad in Portugal that didn’t went very well.

Okay kind of got carried away a bit here, but I agree with your point that those are common things that an adhd brain might seek naturally, in my case I guess it was more on being able to direct all that creative energy I had, I really get bad if I don’t have anything to put it to use, so I always gravitate to stuff that involves using creativity in some way or another.

It’s more or less of the same here in Brazil, just change desert to mostly forests/jungle/hills and you get the picture! I have no idea how living in/near a desert must be like with killer animals roaming about your garden (now I’m picturing some crazy blood thirsty kangaroo :rofl:) Here in the city were I live we have our share of nasty creatures , like the infamous brown spider and the yellow bellied alligators, also capivaras and quero-queros (it’s a bird with is very territorial that can try to peck you if you get too close), but besides the spiders and quero-queros we don’t get to see many of them really in the city.

I can relate to that but I just can’t focus on proof reading myself without having to make a huuuuuge effort, so I usually just spill my mind and send it as is (not very professional at all and I read like a half educated person that bail out of school sometimes but it’s less stress on me this way) I don’t like really not being able to do it, but I guess I had to make compromises so my brain don’t burn out… :sweat_smile:


I certainly don’t write in a linear fashion. :sweat_smile:
it’s 100% why I love written forms of communication, (particularly forums or emails), because it is how I’m able to capture what is in my head, then organise it in a fashion that makes sense to me.

It certainly is time consuming and tasks a bit of energy, but being able to come back to it, re-read it, edit it, shuffle things around, etc, feels good, as it is in my own time and less stressful.
It also helps if I don’t rush my posts/messages.

If I don’t have time to write like this, I’ll either type a little, then come back to it later or I’ll just wait until I have the time to write like that, before starting. If that makes sense. :sweat_smile:


I do prefer writing/reading than talking/listening because I have an easier time keeping up with the dialogue and can re read stuff if I get lost of dose off or forget what the talk was about, but I do have trouble proof reading myself, because I feel somehow exhausted from the effort to try to straight my thinking in a way that makes sense logically that if I have to pay attention in how I’m writing at the same time it’s just too overwhelming, if I have to do it I have to write it down first, take a break, than come again to proof read and shuffle/fix/rearrange the text after wards, than set it aside again and proof read a 3rd time to be sure I didn’t messed anything (which is kind of impractical here and text messages/email).

Besides, I do write here with the flow of my thinking and feelings (and maybe that’s usually why it gets out somewhat still messy and a bit confusing, plus English can hinder my logic somewhat when I just can’t seen to find a word or a way to write what I want to say, not that my writing get that much better in Portuguese at all :rofl:).


100% the struggles of being bilingual would be at play here and contribute largely to the extra effort you’d need to reconstruct your responses! :sweat_smile:

Also I would likely find it more exhausting if I didn’t form the habits I did within tertiary education over the years, it becomes a habit after a while. :slightly_smiling_face:


I did get to the point I can think in English (which is supposed to be that you got really good at it) but more often than not I still get stuck being unable to convey something I want to express in it, go figure it!

That’s a good habit to develop and keep it, I think I lost mine after I stopped working on the bank, I was kind of a grammar Nazi back in the day, wouldn’t miss even a comma, maybe I got lazy about it, but don’t do that, I’m a bad example, please don’t follow! Keep up the good writing because that’s super cool! :grin:


I certainly never got to the point of speaking Japanese where you have achieved with English, but briefly, when I was in Japan, I did get to a point where it was easier for me to communicate with the locals in Japanese than it was in English.
And from my limited experience with learning second languages, given that, it would be WAY more difficult to attempt to simultaneously translate/think in said language and manage your correct formatting and grammar.

I’ve now been out of school for 12 years and spent 6-7 years of that time, in and out of tertiary education.
The longest I’ve gone without engaging in such further learning is still less than 2 years in a row… :sweat_smile:
I feel the lack of time I’ve spent away from it has certainly helped my retention of habits there.

On the other hand, I haven’t had to actively use Japanese in the past 12 years and I’ve nearly forgotten all of it. :speak_no_evil::see_no_evil::running_man:‍♂:sweat_smile:


Sugoi!!! Houtou hountouni desuka?! (I did a semester of Japanese and still want to learn at least how to speak properly, but reading and writing put me way off that, I have a really hard time learning the kanas and kanjis, never get myself into memorizing than at all as for me they are not really logical or really meaningful of their actual meaning), but wish I someday manage to at least go to japan (and Australia would be cool too) to at least see it with my own eyes… I really don’t think that japanese is that difficult to learn by listening speaking, if you have and idea of the grammar and some vocabulary you kind of can get by and learn by talking but they really make up for it with the reading/writing, it’s so complicated… :roll_eyes:

It can be a bit frustrating when you know the language but just seem to be able to express what you are thinking, but that can be as frustrating in your native language as well, it just happen more frequently with me with English, what do make things harder is when I have to mix both languages alternating between than can have weird results and I might bug out mixing things together… :sweat_smile:

Maybe if I enroll in some random class and keep bouncing in and out of it, I will get better? :thinking: :rofl:


It would certainly help, I feel. :grin:

I was obsessed with Kanji!
And I was far better at reading and writing, than i ever was speaking and listening. Which is the case in my native language too and I suspect, for the same reasons.
The only time I was decent at speaking and listening, was when I was actually in Japan and emeresed in the culture, constantly engaging with locals.

Once you understand the structure of Japanese writing, I feel it follows a very structured and logical module for communication.

They have two alphabets:

  • Hiragana~ their native alphabet
  • Katakana~ used for all non-native nouns.(people, places and things)

I should clarify at this point, that you can actually communicate in the Japanese language entirely using just those 2 alphabets. Kanji is used as a means of shorthand and/or to make it less taxing to read, if you know the kanji.

Then they have their Chinese derived ‘picture words’, aka ‘Kanji’.
In some cases, the a Japanese kanji will look and translate the same in Chinese.

I find the hardest part with Kanji is the Japanese reading of them and I don’t mean the translation of them.

E.g. that kanji for fish, Sakana, which is how it is read in Japanese and would be the kunyomi reading of the word. I can easily see the kanji and think in my head, that means fish (in English), but unless i knew how to say fish in Japanese ~ Sakana ~ I would struggle to ‘read’ the kanji.
Further more, the Onyomi readings really complicate things!! Which is the multiple different readings a kanji can have when combined with other kanji.

At my prime i ‘knew’ and could perform the correct stroke order for nearly 500 different kanji, but would only know the English translation of all them, the kunyomi reading of most of them and the Onyomi of maybe half of them.

Side note about the Kanji ~ they are all made up of ‘radical’ components that have their own meaning. And often, once you’ve learnt the translation/meaning of different radicals, you can translate new kanji you haven’t seen before!

Also, most native Japanese people only use and/or recognise a collection of 2 to 5 thousand Kanji.


I will have to leave this one for tomorrow because that will take a while to reply specially because it’s been a while since I could talk about Japanese with someone knowledgeable about the language!

Cheers and thanks for your time I was really having fun here and hope you too! :grin:


I agree, but my problem is really memorizing the the kanas/ kanjis and their associated sound, they are not mnemonically in any way for me or have some sort of logical consistency that helps my brain associate the sounds with the symbols.

That’s another issue to me, I do get why they use the two but I find one hard enough to get and they tend to mix both in sentences so that tends to get really confusing for me, I can get it if I have a table of equivalencies of the hiragana/katakana/romanji to cheat from both getting to memorize them all is really frustrating for me.

I think I/ have the same trouble with musical notes, here in Brazil with use the Do, Re, Mi, Fa, Sol, La, Si notation and I never really got to get it in my brain in a way that really works for me, when I found out about the prior A, B, C, D, E, F, G notation , that just made so much sense for me because it’s super logical and super easy for my brain to understand, my trouble is that most teachers I got were trying to make me memorize our traditional notation instead of letting me use the letter notation, so I just got stuck, the one I’m now still tries to make me get it but at least acknowledges that I struggle with it so we are getting along a lot better than I was with my last one, I improved a lot on my playing after taking classes with him (he also uses a numbering system to help memorizing the notes for songs that reaaaaaaaaaally works very well for me).

Yeah i know that, and hope that somehow that allows me to at least get to at least some degree of basic reading skills (even if I don’t get to actual meaning, my biggest trouble is really getting used to reading the symbols to get the sounds of the words, the actual meaning to the word and making sense of the sentence for me is easier to get by), I also think it’s getting more common to have the kanji with their hiragana form over it so it makes it easier to understand if you don’t know the kanji (I do remember a couple kanji from my Japanese class but the more complex ones and those that mix them together gets really confusing for me to identify correctly, because they tend to be very subtle in their differences as they get more complex (at least for me).

Wish I was able to recognize the kanji like that, also besides the Onyomi/Kunyomi thing, most (all?) kanji usually have more than one meaning (three?) so even if you recognize it you still need to put it on context to get which of the meanings it actually means in that context.

That’s awesome, in my prime I was able to recognized 3 or 4 hiraganas/katakanas with some struggle… :sweat_smile:

Yeah I found that super cool and when you dive deeper into calligraphy even the way you make the stroke can have a different meaning, I think that very fascinating how their attention to detail goes everywhere in their culture, it’s one of the things that fascinates me in theirs culture and also probably the thing that put me totally off in learning how to read/write their language it’s so overwhelming with details that I just don’t think I am able to get it anyway.

Oh and I got my name wrote in kanji by a monk when I was taking classes. I was trying to find a pic of it to show you aaaand I just found it (I don’t remember the meaning but had something to do with my talents, or so he said, he could pretty much written anything and I wouldn’t understand and would be happy the same way, I still want to put it on the wall but I keep forgetting to make a frame for it :sweat_smile:):