Help i feel like a failure in my relationship constanstly hearing i just need to try harder and should have a strong will to do things

Hi everyone, this is my first post her to see if i can get any help.

I started off my current relationship well and we were happy and now it is falling to sand because i am having a super hard time with change and regulating my emotions enough to please the person im with. He keeps saying that he can’t handle this and i just don’t want to let go of this relationship in fear of losing all i have.

with this relationship, i have a way around, someone to do something with and have become some sort of parent which is my dream to have my own children. but right now i have so much stress and part of it is him putting so much on me, his family hates me now because my emotions and i don’t know what to do. he says he loves be but than goes into “work mode” and yells and can’t deal with me at all.

I need help to figure out what i should do because i feel like i don’t want to lose this relationship but i also don’t know how good it is for me. And if i do let this go i am afraid i won’t find anyone who will actually love me and in a world where i see all my old high school classmates, my sister and everyone around me getting married and wanting to start their own families, im scared that will never happen for me.

Please if you have any advice i would really appreciate it because i have been stuck in this stupid situation making me situationally depressed for over 2 months now

Thanks

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Have you tried watching the how to adhd videos with him, to give him a better understanding of what it’s like for you and how he can help you?

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its funny he started watching it first and i only recently started watching them. I feel he would watch them with me but only to a point then he gets in the mood of “im tired of watching about your problems”. at least thats the way i see it…

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Well that’s good he started watching them first, maybe just find specific videos related to whatever it is your struggling with each week, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind watching one video a week, rather than overloading him with to much information.
I always think that adhd must be so hard to understand if you don’t have it, because it effects every aspect of your life so there’s a lot to learn.

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i agree with you, its so hard to understand if you don’t have. its even hard when someone doesnt understand it. i wish it was easier

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That’s the good thing about this place, everybody here understands :slightly_smiling_face:

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to any ADHDer, “just try harder” means “I disapprove of you, feel vaguely morally superior to you, but have no good advice, so I’m just going to be negative in a passive-aggressive way that makes it sound like I have your best interests in mind when in fact I don’t, I just like repeating the Protestant Work Ethic out loud to spread the guilt around” and also “if you try to follow this advice you will probably not get any benefit from it, but you will probably feel quite miserable during the attempt, and also afterwards due to your likely failure to have gotten any benefit” … you can quote me …

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I have thought (and said this on occasion) frequently! We are all so different . . . “unique” actually . . . and yet share so much in common. I once attended a workshop where an exercise had 2 people facing away from each other, 1 had a man’s neck-tie draped around his / her neck and the other person verbally instructed the other what to do to properly create a completed tied tie (:thinking:). The results were quite illuminating . . . and :joy:!

So hard to explain!!

But, for those of us who have tried to have a non-ADHDer understand . . . and ACCEPT us for who we are . . . warts and all (like any person) . . .

Well you know . . .

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Then again I’m not sure I understand neurotypical people :joy:

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Are there any ways I can make myself feel better when he gets in one of these moods? Like I know I don’t understand things with me asking one question and need people to repeat themselves often, something he doesn’t like to do either but I feel I cant help. I try and try but I don’t think normal even though there are days add was gone from me i know it has some benefits too but still I just wish I could be a more better person and understand people more. Am I alone in that?

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Absolutely not . . .

We are all imperfect. Doesn’t mean that you are not better today than yesterday . . . better this time than last time . . . And . . . “If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.” (Yogi Berra - NY Yankees)

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