Hi! I was diagnosed with ADD (ADHD without Hyperactivity) in February 20th 2020

Hi!
First of all, my English is a crap loll
Struggling with ADHD, college, life, pandemic, for almost a year makes me back to this forum again and see how terrible my English was :scream:

I learned the difference between psychologist and psychiatrist and then I realize… “Of course I wouldn’t get any ADHD diagnosis or ADHD test from psychologist” :rofl: I just told I have anxiety even if I have many positive traits with me…

I’m taking my Master School of Architecture now and in the beginning of the semester (January-February), I keep telling my friend that I feel numb in my brain, I can’t bring my focus or grab all my mind together to start thinking about college and about the tasks. So I finally go to psychiatrist and yeah… the doctor said i was having ADD and that makes me confused a bit. Actually it’s an old term for ADHD without Hyperactivity. So… wow… okay loll

It was the first time I took the wrong dosage of prohiper (supposed to take half tablet but I swallow it right away without split it first) And then anxiety kicked in, then panick attack kicked in, but it was the first time my eyes opened wide and the brain fogs that numbing my head just… gone… I came with confident, sharing my ideas about my group project because I remember and “see” all the maps within my head.

My junior who was in Barchelor degree was the first lil bro who suspect me for having ADHD and he was ADHD, and he ask me to join his ADHD community for youngsters and young adult. But it wasn’t so easy to be there because I felt insecure right away. I couldn’t even cope with my ADHD life like they did, I couldn’t even see any good in me once I saw that as ADHD traits. I spent almost 3 months feeling insecure and my self-esteem just dropping, knowing that my initiative attitude in group project was came from my impulsivity all the time; knowing my out of the box ideas was actually my inattentive side; knowing my high spirit and cheerful attitude as the moment when I was being hyperactive…
I lost my self-esteem… knowing that it all came from disorders… I spent my days controlling and restraining myself a lot, wishing that I could control myself so I could turn my ADHD score to zero…

But I lost myself…

I fell into depression right after having a heartbreaking conflict with my best friend. After I release all my anger, sadness, disappointment, I finally said: “so what?” I’m ADHD this is how I roll. This is how I express my ideas, feelings, identity, so what? I managed to move on and healed myself but yeah… recovery wasn’t easy…

I fell again deeper to depression. I couldn’t remember who I was, what I was thinking, what I discover about myself, then I felt numb like a big block covering my eyes and heart to really feel myself. From September till now, I struggle to re-discover myself and really embracing and accepting myself for being an ADHD. I know I was traumatized after my conflict. I covered my memories and it becomes a big block between me right now and who I was before…

I’m losing myself but slowly I my eyes open…
And now I see that I come back to the same pattern. And I can see this just bad. But I feel relieved that it proves me that ADHD was part of me I used to live with since little… I’m losing my energy and motivation in my Master School… I couldn’t even touch my task even if it’s H-1 and I know for sure it’s just too late for big task that supposed to be done in 14 days… I failed, I can’t drag my feet back, I can’t find my focus to get “in the zone” where I can hyperfocus…

This looks like a rant…
But… I guess that’s all I could tell about my ADHD life for this year :joy:

I want to write again…

I want to share again…

I want to speak again so it’s real enough for me to “see” my own thoughts and feelings…

I wanna say thank you for this community to exist in my dark moment…
I’m grateful to be here

Stay safe, stay sane

I copy my friend’s message during these 3 months of self refinding journey loll
But seriously… Stay safe, stay sane!

Our asset is our mental health :heart:

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Welcome back to the forum! I am only just formally diagnosed but have been hanging here for a few months. That quote hit me straight in the heart because it exactly describes my 2020 journey of ADHD discovery mixed with depression and anxiety.
I’m heading out now to my psychologist to talk emotional dysregulation and time blindness. I hope to see around the forum!
Rod

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Hello, Rod! Nice to meet you!
Wow…
It’s hard to struggle with depression and anxiety. I feel you…
I’m glad you finally see your psychologist talk about your emotional dysregulation and time blindness. Sometimes it feels so numb to even notice our own emotion and how we stay presence to the present (problem with my time blind)
Yes, I think it’s really great to have psychologists and psychiatrists as our support system. So we can deal with our problem with meds, and also deal with our minds with… proper mindset :smiley:
And psychologists can offer us that mindset guidance…

I hope to see you around too in the forum!

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HI @MCL27 Welcome here in the forum. It is a good place.

I joined beginning o this year, ( or December of last year). Anyhow, been there know what it feels like - that damn old black hole. Like @Pithy and you, I really found 2020 so challenging.
The lack of structure and the crazy working conditions due to the situation actually gave me the rest…

But now, since i agreed taking adhd meditation and since I am journaling regularly it is actually getting better.

Yes to mental Health!
Annamaria

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For me too! I have my journaling within my bullet journal(which is my life-saving external working memory) and so it makes me far more likely to journal because I use the bullet journal day&night.

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@Pithy if you are interested to share your journaling experience. Here is a thread about it 365 A Daily Journal Reflection somewhere in the middle of the tread (I don#t know how I bookmark that) I describe in length how it helps me.

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