I just wanted to say Hi .
My name is Susan, 41 years old and live in Scotland. I just booked my ADHD assessment today, so have a few weeks to wait until the appointment. There was a culmination of events this year that led me look into ADHD. The more I found out I identified with, thinking “that’s me”.
Since a child I’ve always been regarded as a daydreamer, easily distracted and have very little concentration span. I couldn’t study for exams, hence just scraped past. I dropped out of university, because of this too. I have an impulsive streak, which has lead me into starting many things over the years only to lose interest in them quickly. Also spending impulsively…I won’t go into that… I constantly live in clutter at home. I’ll make a to-do list, then get easily distracted by something trivial or end up watching tv. Fast forward to hours later and I’m rushing about only getting a fraction of the things done I wanted to. Driving is another, I tend to loose my temper a lot whilst in the car and get aggravated at the most trivial things.
I’ve always struggled with executive functions(new term to me)…planning, organising and prioritising. I procrastinate about everything and struggle to make decisions. Whilst I’ve held down admin jobs for the last 20 years I’ve always muddled through with making lists, taking notes etc. I’ve always hidden it well. So I’m calm on the surface, but paddling furiously away beneath. I suffer from low self-esteem, anxiety and social anxiety. Over the years I’ve been off with stress, seen a couple of psychologists and therapist. I’ve come away from them with comments such as “you have a fear of commitment” and “are you sure you’re not just really shy”?
Fast forward to the last few years and my current employer. I was in an admin role which involved serving customers, organising deliveries and drivers were on time, planning worksheets, taking orders etc…it happened again after a time I had a complete meltdown. Back to the doctor I was diagnosed with IBS, prescribed sertraline and referred to a psychologist.
In the time I applied for another role as a trainee lab tech with the company. I got this and started back in January 2018. It should have been a perfect job for me, I loved it. However my fail safes of taking notes and lists were taken away. I did ask my supervisor, but she only said no-one else needs these. It wasn’t long before I was taking too long on tasks, making silly errors, I write things down as my short term memory is rubbish. Long story short, I was moved back to an admin role similar to my previous one. Only it is a busier office, I’m looking after more orders, deliveries and drivers. Thankfully my current supervisor is more understanding. But I’m constantly worried that I’m on a last chance and have only a few months to prove myself…
I’m really sorry for rambling on if anyone has persevered this far! With our NHS (which is always under a lot of pressure) I was on the waiting list for 10 months before I got an appointment. I’ve been referred again to be assessed to see if I fit into the autism spectrum. In that time I stumbled across “How to ADHD” on YouTube and found the videos very helpful and informative. Thus I’ve booked a private ADHD assessment.