I’m not really sure what to say here. My name is Sam and I’m a 24 year old women and a New Zealander(also known as a kiwi.) I’ve been watching How To ADHD for years but just realised this forum existed haha.
I believe I have inattentive ADHD but I’m yet to be properly diagnosed. It was first suggested by a psychologist in 2018 but they ended up writing it off, believing that anxiety was the cause of my concentration issues. (I’ve since learnt that this is common for women with inattentive ADHD. I can’t remember where I heard it but someone said ADHD in women often shows up as ‘chronic overwhelm’.)
There is a bit more to my neurodiversity and mental health journey. May go into it later, idk.
So I’m studying a Bachelor’s Degree in Journalism and it’s gone downhill very very quickly. To sum up… I’ve had to deal with a very ableist tutor for the majority of the year. It got to the point where I was marked down for an assignment cause she gave me a disability accommodation, that caused me to reach my breaking point and my anxiety was so bad I couldn’t do the last assignment. So next year I have to come back and repeat like half a semester and graduate 6 months to a year later.
Now, protections are in place. So I don’t have to deal with that tutor as much/she doesn’t have as much authority over me. But, there are several problems…
- I am so burnt out that I don’t know if I’m going to be able to complete this part of the course either. Its taking me forever to get any work done and it’s getting worse. It’s like I’m trying to crawl out of a hole but the hole somehow keeps getting deeper and deeper.
- Though this tutor has clearly had some telling off. She’s been leaving me alone but clearly doesn’t think that there is anything wrong with the behaviour. Because there have been several times where she’s been relentlessly critising other students in front of me. This is not only incredibly hard to watch because I can be incredibly sensitive to others feelings. But it also puts me off my work because I worry about the other student/feel bad about not interferring/worry I can’t repeat the course next year(Sadly she is solely in charge of the part I have to repeat.)
- This part of the course is independent. There is very limited structure to it. We have a weekly deadline, an hourly meeting with a supervisor per week and a class meeting that only goes for like 5-10 mins once per week. Which, when I’m left to my own devices everything falls apart. It looks like I can plan, prioritise and schedule on paper but when I try to go about doing things it doesn’t work out.
I genuinely didn’t mean to make this introduction into a therapy session… I apologise profusely.
So hobbies and interests wise… I’m part of a DND Group which I’m finding really fun, I used to sing in a choir(but haven’t since my degree because I’m struggling too much.) Most of the time I just binge stuff on Netflix and Disney +
There are a lot of things I enjoy and have pushed aside for my study. others include acting, zumba, hiking, tramping, 4wd, swimming.
I don’t really have any friends for two key reasons:
- I have a pattern of one-sided friendships(where I’m the giver and they’re the taker.) this has been 90% of my friendships. I eventually noticed this and stepped back to see if they’d meet me halfway they never did.
- I had what felt like a real friend group recently. But because I’m so used to being treated crap I didn’t know how to handle it. I had a massive RSD blowup (Which for me sadly means I’ll scare you away before you decide you want to leave by being really really rude and mean.) and scared everyone away. I’m still grieving the loss of these friends.
Again I’m sorry this wasn’t meant to be a ‘Sam’s therapy session’ I apologise
Hopefully being diagnosed on the 28th but I’m scared they’ll decide I’m just lazy or an asshole or something