How do you keep from hating your brain?

#1

I received my diagnosis almost three years ago. After starting medication, things were great! Now it feels like I am losing any semblance of control. I was 21 when I was diagnosed. Now that my college classes are getting harder, it is becoming increasingly difficult to make myself do assignments. Not even twenty minutes ago, I sat and stared at my take-home exam and watched the due date pass by. I did it with my other final yesterday. I keep failing my classes. I feel as helpless as I did before I started medication. I’m finding it really difficult at the moment to not hate myself and my ADHD. I feel like no matter what I do, it will always come back to this. So now I am sitting here, crying and ranting to an ADHD forum when I should be studying for my last final, which I have to take in less than an hour.

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#2

Sounds like a melt-down. Very sorry you’re experiencing it. I suggest you seek out campus support services. Schools at the college level generally are required by the government to provide access to help for people like us. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Best of luck and keep us apprised! :slight_smile:

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#3

Unfortunately, here you have to be taking 6 credits in order to qualify for campus counseling, and when I am taking classes, I don’t have time for therapy. I won’t be taking classes again until September, but thankfully I have insurance and I can go to a therapist in town. My first appointment is on Tuesday. I am fine now as long as I don’t think about it, so I am trying really hard not to think about it.

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#4

Good luck, both with your exams and on Tuesday! And I’m wondering whether your campus councellors could make an exception since one of the reason you can’t actually TAKE 6 credits is because of the ADHD? Maybe you could ask them about that in an email or something? If you have an official diagnosis, I think they might be a bit more amiable.

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#5

If you have an official diagnosis, you can get accommodations based on your challenges, and the accommodations/student services office should have more resources for you as well. Talk to your teachers about the troubles you’re having. See if you can get an incomplete for the course and try the final again later. (Most teachers are really good about this if you have a medical reason, which you do.) Also, see if you can do an exam that isn’t take home. Those are the worst with ADHD!

Also, make an appointment with your doctor and see if your dosage needs adjusting. Your body and brain is still growing and changing in your early 20s, after all, so it’s entirely possible that your old dose just isn’t doing it any more.

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#6

I actually did meet with my doctor during the semester, so now I am on the highest allowed dose. The deadline for withdrawing was on March 26th, so I’m way too late for that. I thought I could somewhat catch up, but it just kept falling to pieces. I would have one really good day where I would get a lot done, but then it would take me two days or longer to recover and I would fall behind again. My next semester I am only taking two classes. It’s still 7 credits, but hopefully more doable. I am also thinking about not trying to work during that time, but I would have to save up a lot so I don’t starve.

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#7

An incomplete and a withdraw are different things. Incomplete is normally given where something got in the way and gives you a set amount of time to make up missed work. So basically it’s like an extension. (I got 2 of them my senior semester at my first college. And when I went to make up the work… realized I had no idea what to do because I had been unconscious for half of class… ^^;; )

Balancing work and school is tough… Best of luck!

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#8

Thanks! I appreciate your help!

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#9

Wow super relatable! & sorry to hear it b/c I’ve been there too. :heart:
I probably have at least 1 W per semester from even my first year of undergrad. Also missed the withdrawal deadlines & got an exam deferral b/c of major issues…
I’m 23, going on my SEVENTH year of undergrad, midst of diagnosis process, transferred majors, and I’ve always thought I’m too old to not have :poop: :poop: together but really learning & trying to internalize that I’m still pretty young and I don’t have to move at the same pace as everyone to feel successful. I’ve had to look other places than school, tbh. - Volunteering & diff summer jobs outside my field - & loosening grasp on what I thought my life would look like. I now feel like I’ll be OK WITH or WITHOUT getting into the field I wanted so bad. Honestly 2 years have changed my life A LOT! Still doing my best in school (& in therapy), but better able to keep working through failure now that I can process a little easier the fact that I’ll be ok with or without getting the most competitive grades. As the world gets bigger, the test results get a little smaller. It would be hard to believe if I told myself that at 21, but you’re on your way by identifying your challenges & seeking advise however you find it - forum, therapy, Drs, etc :slight_smile:
I didn’t have a diagnosis last year, but was able to apply for a bursary b/c of financial hardship… including not being able to work cause falling behind & the psychological stress (+ burden of compounding student loans). I’ve made the choice to regularly take out student loans so I do have the option to book off days from work & still eat. + taking the min course load to get other access. I feel like there should be some other scholarships/bursaries to apply for too esp if you have the diagnosis because it is a disability. (tbh triggered by that term but it is technically defined like that & we deserve the help)

Hopefully you can take whatever lil bits of my experience you find valuable & adaptable, as I can only speak from my own POV which includes my own privileges for sure! Not sure what your intersections are. School/finances/ life is so hard but it does get better. I hope you can surround yourself with support & a professional network to give you guidance. I hope you can find patience with yourself, too. It’s so important. It took me a long time to get to a decently healthy place & it really sucked throughout but it exists! The bad periods don’t last as long & now my good periods are better even with my brain :slight_smile: I don’t hate her so much anymore but I have my days/ or several! don’t give up on your happy !! You got this!! :star:

…back to studying for my own final now lol oops

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#10

Good luck, @CosmicMB!

What helped me a lot with tackling my current studying difficulties was getting help from an adhd coach.

Can you talk to your therapist about finding one? The therapy-coach combination has worked wonders for my ability to cope and my self-esteem.

Stay strong, however you tackle this :kissing_closed_eyes:

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