how to accept i have adhd?

#1

i know i have it, i am diagnosed. but something just don’t CLICK that i have a disability. maybe it seems so “out there” sense people always told me i am smart and i have it easy cause i am smarter then most… I AM NOT! i have an IQ of 115! its NOT EVEN CLOSE to smart! i score below average on everything in a deductive test. BESIDE spatial reasoning! which i scored in the 76 percentile, where the 73 is the highest average. THAT’S NOTHING!

i don’t know if i am just so ego centered that i cant accept it. or am i just that ignorant that it passes over my head.

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#2

Mix of both? And not that great maths skills, maybe? 115 is a standard deviation above average, which isn’t shabby at all. It’s well above average. It’s not Einstein or Hawking, but not bad, and by definition quite a bit above average.:stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

As for struggling with accepting you have ADHD? I didn’t get diagnosed until I finished my Master’s Degree, aided by a score of 135-145 depending on the day. You’re conflating IQ and ADHD. ADHD isn’t directly affecting your IQ, although your IQ may help mask the worst of the ADHD. ADHD affects your brain in such a way that your IQ can’t be used efficiently and effectively. That’s likely why you’re scoring low on the tests while having a decently high IQ. Don’t mix up the results of an ADHD test and IQ.:wink:

You having ADHD isn’t that unusual, believe it or not. I just wonder whether you struggle to accept it because you either don’t want to have ADHD (stigma or the like), or because you don’t feel it affects you that badly (yet?), so you can’t have it? I’d love to hear more from you as to exactly what it is you’re struggling with when it comes to acceptance. It can be a complicted thing, I know, but thinking about it a bit more deeply might help.:blush:

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#3

i just forget(in lack of beter word) i have a problem. and that i need to compensate for that. maybe IQ can indeed mask the worst of ADHD like you are saying… but then why am i so inconsistent in studying? one day ill be so ahead i wont recognize myself another ill struggle to just keep up with the lecturer. same topic, same subject, same class. tbh this is what bothering me the most… i dont want 100! ill settle for 80! or 70! but ffs let it be consistent!

i guess i cant pin point where ADHD is affecting… maybe its a case of so many trees i don’t see the forest. maybe like you said i am just that ignorant… can i even be aware i have it? REALLY aware of it? am i just to accept the diagnosis without pinpointing the effects? i just dont want to find some random “adhd tips and tricks” and follow them like a robot i guess? i need to see it. to really materialize it into my day to day happening so i can see it in action.

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#4

Welcome to the joy of being double gifted. My paperwork looks basically the same as yours, for this, and it is a heck of a thing.

115 IQ is the 84th percentile. Meaning that you have a higher IQ and thus are smarter than 84 percent of the population. So yeah. You’re smarter than most.

If you’re in the US, you qualify for Special Ed services due to a learning disability as you have more than 1.5 standard deviations between IQ and achievement. A standard deviation is 15. So at 115, you;re one standard deviation above the average of 100, and with your achievement scores in the 70s…

That 115 IQ is what’s helping you fake it despite the ADHD. And is why it’s so easy to try and convince yourself that you don’t have a disability because you can kinda cope, so it must be fine, right? Right???

The reason that you see those fluctuations is that ADHD is much like the weather: It changes depending on multiple factors. There are good days, there are bad days, there are days where it’s amazingly clear, and then days where it feels like your focus is being rocked by a hurricane. Those fluctuations are your ADHD manifesting. That you can’t keep focused during a class that you were able to the day before, that your achievement scores are so low, that you can’t reach your IQ’s potential-- that’s all your ADHD manifesting.

Next time you’re up for going down a research rabbit hole, read up on how ADHD presents. There’s a million checklists out there that all boil down to the same items, and I’m pretty sure you’ll recognize a lot of your habits in them.

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#5

Sorry for the late reply, I had to go to bed, had to get up early mext morning, and I’m in the Japanese time zone…:sweat_smile:

And now that I’m late, I have pretty much nothing to add to @FranB’s comment, pretty much a perfect summary of how ADHD works, and why you’re seeing the disparity. One small caveat, though. IQ isn’t the same as ‘smart’, it’s just your brain working faster and dealing with information more efficiently than others when you have a high IQ. Smart usually also includes knowledge. But yeah, you ARE more intelligent than 85+% of the average population, so don’t be discouraged.

What kind of treatment are you getting/have you tried so far, if any?:blush: There’s probably something out there than can help, whether CBT, medication, or something else. These usually all work toward stabilizing your… efforts…?, and helping you be more consistent at the higher levels you’re able to achieve at your best.:wink: Definitively something to look into.:blush:

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#6

Oh, and just to emphasize, thinking about this and figuring out what’s really going on with you isn’t egocentric or selfish at all, OK? It’s a normal part of the process of being diagnosed for a lot of people.:wink: And that’s what part of the forum is all about, talking about and sharing experiences so no one is stuck feeling alone, as if they’re ‘just weird’, since a lot of us have similar symptoms and experiences going through the processes.

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#7

I do take concerta, but i find the change from “i can see the matrix” to “where i was going again?” A bit much to handle. I still take it cause i need to. But man i wish there ware not so many side effects.

I don’t know if a therapist or psychologist or even a couch will help. Because i tend to break habits easly. And tbh if i am going to look for advice it going to be from some one who actually is or was in my position.

Would love to hear your experience. :slight_smile:

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#8

well i cant just walk around think “i am smarter them most” that is just egocentric.
also gifted is in the range of 130/140+ if i remember correctly. and i think i would know if i was …

tbh, when i am on concerta. i feel i am wasting my time in class. i could learn stuff twice as fast on my own. even faster. i reach conclusions faster, and can ask the right questions. the problem is i wont have anyone to answer them in context to the course. and that attending to class is obligatory to be recommended to take the final test for my diploma. (like… what if i WAS 200+ iq? will i really have to listen to that russian lady explain vector basis and span 4 times? i would have gone NUTS!)

i always take my tests without open material even if i am allowed to have it (except that one course where you are OBVIOUSLY aren’t meant to memorize the entire 6± presentations each with 50 pages of the development of ram, CPU, GPU and the like across history. to that one i just printed every thing. put it in a folder. and got a 97 because i actually listened in class.)
and i score fine. irregular, but fine.

i mean, IF i am smarter then most… it would explain ALOT.
i always said i am not smart. i am just stupid enough to understand stupid stuff.
cause how can i both have a disability and be smart? and then its like Hawking

i guess i don’t know how to cope? so i don’t know how to accept it?

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#9

Because they’re two entirely different things. It’s kind of like asking “how can I be missing an arm and still be able to run fast?”

ADHD does not make you dumb. It just makes you a frustrated learner.

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#10

so… what a brain to do? i feel almost like i am looking for a magic pill… lets say that sure i am smarter the most out there. and i have a disability in learning. how do i cope?
how do YOU cope?
is there a place for 2e? is there even any hope to achieve what i apparently can?

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#11

Finding tools. Accepting yourself for you who are and working with what you’ve got in ways that actually work. It’s a lot of problem solving and riddle puzzling and pushing through in whatever way works. The power in the diagnosis is that it opens up an entire wealth of research and knowledge from people who’ve gone before, and somewhere in that mess of data, is something that works for you.

If your meds are helping the storm in your brain clear up so you can speed through things, that’s a first step. If it does mean that you spend class time just powering through the textbook and then pester the prof after hours, work out how you can do just that. Figure out what helps you pay attention and see if you can get accomodations for them in schooling.

For me personally… one of the biggest thing was just accepting that this is how my brain is. Working with it, instead of against it and just kinda kludging everything best I could until I could figure things out. Finding out I had a learning disability for me was actually a huge relief because there it was, on paper, certified that I wasn’t stupid, my brain was just wired differently. Didn’t make studying for class any easier (and I still just didn’t do it because hey, if I could fake it and get a solid B? Perfect, I got better things to do with my time than classwork.) but it did make it easier to just accept and go with things and stop trying to force things that just didn’t work.

Meds also helped. It was enough that I could actually hold my thoughts in for more than 30 seconds and not blurt out a million things for fear that I wouldn’t remember what I was about to say before I could say it. It helped me be actually able to be aware of things and what I was doing and shift my patterns to keep things from going completely chaotic.

Finding a therapist is another good resource too. Especially one who specializes in ADHD (or even just stress.)

There is hope. You can get there. It’ll be a heck of a journey, but it’ll be worth it.

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#12

any direction of what research to read?

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#13

It’s been a while since I did my own research dive so I’m not 100% remembering where’s good for starting out… but https://www.additude.com/category/manage-adhd-life/ isn’t a bad start. And most of their write ups have linkouts to sources which can get you started there too.

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#14

thank you :slight_smile:

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#15

Good luck with it. :slight_smile:

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#16

I’m on Concerta too, doesn’t do much for me, but the Ritalin I was started on is illegal in Japan except for narcolepsy, so Concerta it is.

I find it VERY disturbing that you’d refuse good medical advice simply because a person specializing in your issue doesnvt have it himself. That’s plain dumb, and not intelligent at all. Could be caused by a certain type of arrogance common among people with above average IQ, though… You wouldn’t go to a doctor and refuse to let him take out your appendix unless he showed the scar where he had his taken out.

That said, seeking ADDITIONAL information (all anecdotal) from others with ADHD is always a good idea, as coping strategies can be adapted, and gives you more options. Like the suggestions @FranB has been posting.

Did you take the IQ test before or after taking Concerta, that might make a difference too. And yes, 130 is gifted, 140 is highly gifted. Doesn’t feel very ‘gifted’, though, I can tell you. Helps you learn faster and process information and problem-solving faster, but also increases rates of depression and anxiety a lot, so… Gift? Sort of?

I still think a coach could help you a lot, and some coaches have had ADHD themselves, if you really think that’s a deal-breaker.

As for what research to read, sadly the research on ‘high-functioning ADHD’ (my doctor’s term for what @FranB calls 2E) is very limited but you can find some rare studies. Studies on medications, their effects on different people relative to their disability with ADHD, how the medication does almost nothing to neurotypical people, that might be of interest. Other than that, whatever you’re interested in. The internet is vast and Google, if used right, is your best first place to look, combined with Wikipedia.:wink:

As for exactly how to deal with acceptance, that’s sush a personal and individual thing, we can all share our experiences, but it’s really up to you. But there are several ‘high-functioning’ people in the forum, and from what I have been able to tell so far, we have a few things in common, most importantly, we’re able to use IQ to compensate in almost anything, but get stuck in ONE main thing where IQ doesn’t do it for us, but medication usually does. What that ONE thing is, is individual, for me it’s executive function, gettinf started with something I’m not interested in or pumped to do anyway… Nightmare… Concerta does little, Ritalin did some, big difference even though they’re both MPH.:sweat_smile:

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#17

Just remembered that I completely forgot to mention:

Having a higher IQ than others doesn’t make you better or superior to anyone. Just faster. Usain Bolt is faster at RUNNING than me, doesn’t make him intrinsically more valuable or better as a human being.

A LOT of people with above average IQ think they’re better. Once you get to ‘gifted’ and ‘highly gifted’+, that goes away for all but the sociopaths and narcissists, as we have a better understanding of what it actually means to have a high IQ. It doesn’t really matter, it’s just a faster brain, that’s it. Not that big a deal.

A LOT of people with average or lower-than-average IQ also see it as this thing by which to judge people, and it makes them feel inferior, even though that’s not at all what it means or does.:sweat_smile: That’s why it can be difficult to discuss IQ openly and properly, because there’s this distorted perception of what it is and what it ‘should’ imply, that it actually doesn’t. That might also be why you’re feeling odd about the higher-than-average IQ, but struggling with learning and school. What you’ve been told IQ is supposed to mean is unrealistic, so your perception is off, making it harder to accept you can have both.:wink: But take it from someone in the 135-145 range, we have ADHD at every level of intelligence.:sweat_smile:

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