Omg, I do or have done all of those things - lots of them in the last week!
Yeeees… I might be guilty of all these things.
I did almost all this stuff over the holiday, even after watching the video. However, I did take the advice about knowing when I needed a break from the Holiday stuff. My mom wanted me to help her yesterday with taking down decorations. I told her no. I’d be happy to help pack up this weekend, but not yesterday. I was taking my last day of vacation to do nothing. Boy did she have a fit. She accused me of not wanting to help her. Of only being willing to help her on my time. She hit all the usual notes. I got mad, of course, but I stood my ground. I needed a day to decompress from all the “Holiday Merrymaking” and I was going to take it.
It’s almost like you’re an adult with your own life and your own stresses and your own exhaustion and your own time. Glad you stood your ground though! I have to do that sometimes too and it sucks when the other person snaps at you for it - but we know what is best for us. Usually.
I know, right? So, her reasoning is, she HAS to take down decorations on NYD because otherwise she feels she’s behind and it won’t ever get done. Yeah, ok, fine, I get that. But, that’s NOT MY PROBLEM. You can choose to take them down any time. I can’t choose to have another vacation day. I feel no obligation to stick to your schedule on this. It’s not a matter of life or death or money. So…chill.
Did I tell you this one? We were wrapping presents together. She didn’t like how I was wrapping mine and started instructing me. I was getting irritated because, seriously, I’ve been wrapping presents for decades. I know how to wrap a present. In fact, I’ve wrapped presents for retail customers. I’m GOOD at wrapping presents. All this ran through my mind, a common defensive feeling when she tells me how to do stuff like I’m a child. Instead I said, “If you can let your 4 year old grandson do things on his own, even if he makes a mistake, you can do the same for your 40 year old daughter.” It startled her into laughing, and then we were both laughing. It felt like a breakthrough, at least on that small thing.
The irony is that she’s complaining about you helping her on your time, yet she seems to demand you always help her on her time. Still glad you stood your ground so you could have your vacation day, I know how precious those are. And I hope it was a decent vacation day, at the very least!
AND THAT’S NICE. Sort of - the laughing together seems nice. I never did get why people are so critical over non-important things such as gift wrapping. Everyone wraps gifts in their own way… let them. Still glad you guys could laugh over something though - that was a pretty good come back from you! Hopefully the breakthroughs keep coming <3
So it goes with undiagnosed parents…
I sometimes wonder if my mom is more narcissistic than ADHD.