People often forget that the actual point of having a “label” which is really just a diagnosis, isn’t to ostracize these members from society or to look down upon them, the reason that there’s a label, is so that there is a path of direction in overcoming the problems and changes that they face, and in the case of ADHD it’s having a plan of treatment to overcome the challenges you may face now or in the future based off of what is technically over a century worth of scientific evidence [ many disorders that share generally the same set of characteristics have been described and treated, very early origins of stimulant therapies for ADHD begin prior to the marketed racemic formulation of Benzedrine in the 1930s in the United States, but prior to this there we’re individual and few group case studies experimenting with racemic (50% Dextro 50% Levo, what Eveko is today) Amphetamine and (100% Dextro) Methamphetamine far prior to their marketing in America in the 30’s, these studies analyzed various cases of types of hyperkinetic child “behavioral syndromes”, that high resemble much of what would decades later become the diagnostic criteria for ADHD, there are many previous and out dated disorders that had resembled ADHD before the condition existed and had effective treatment with various forms of stimulants, many we still use today to treat ADHD, many research on this through the decades, towards WW2 stimulants became highly abused as Methamphetamine became over prescribed and was used as a performance enhancement drug by both the Axis and Allies, some of the research does become less confident by some of the very high dosages that we’re initially prescribed [I was prescribed Methamphetamine HCL once, Desoxyn, and the starting dosage is 5x 2 a day, previously there we’re starting dosages of 15-25 mg 2x in the 40’s], but most of the scientifically confident research, that is all completely collective under the label of ADHD (opposed to very similar conditions that went under various names), begin in the 1970’s with the low or under arousal theory, which the most important premise is that, people with ADHD have hyperactive and inattentive symptoms due to a lack of dopamine, this was the justification for stimulant based therapy such as amphetamine and methylphenidates, which started to skyrocket in the 1970’s as they we’re reported to have highly efficacious results through what seemed paradoxical at face value but with this theory made sense, (It doesn’t make much sense to people at 1st glance, that if you give a kid who is hyperactive and disruptive, a drug (rare example, but applied to me), like Methamphetamine, that wouldn’t in fact wouldn’t exacerbate hyperactive symptoms, but would in fact alleviate them, even sometime causes paradoxical sedation sensations [sometimes my meds make me wanna take a nap, when they feel calming], but this makes a lot more sense with this theory, as if someone is under stimulated (hypodopaminergia) well stimulants can stimulate dopamine, so that makes sense as to why it works so much of the time), this theory has gained a lot more evidence and understand since it’s origin in the 70’s, and in it’s general premise, is really the only medically accepted theory of ADHD [as in ADHD is not a discipline issue, it’s not too much sugar, it’s not the internet or video games etc, it has an in-depth neurological basis], now research reflects findings on development of many structures of the brain so the differences in neural anatomy, subgroups of ADHD, causes, comorbidities, a vast array of multi dimensional and evident treatment plans etc.
Personally I recommend Dr.Russel A Barkley as an amazing resource.
This is long, 3 hours, but when you can I recommend you watch it, as it is the most efficient and compact, concise, well explained and evident, information on ADHD I have ever seen, and this can save you years of having to go through and read lackluster research, anecdotal information, holistic therapies, and straight up fallacies etc.
One of the biggest problems, is that people over simplify many things in life, it seems your husband like many other people, are over simplifying his issues, and are accepting it as “just the way life is”.
I’m not saying his problems are in fact ADHD, get an evaluation/diagnosis for that. But if his procrastination and unemployment were simply the lack of discipline, or laziness etc. He wouldn’t have had the problem for a year, unless he’s really enjoying being unemployed and not accomplishing things.
The “label” can explain a cascade of various reasons as to why he’s unemployed and procrastinations, that’s backed by decades of evidence/research with millions of participants. Not only can it give you an explanations for these things, it can give you a direction of what to do about them. And the 1st treatment may not work, the 2nd treatment might be okay and not optimal, the 3rd treatment might work for 3 years and then need to be changed, some parts of treatment may need to be tweaked here and there, but the thing is, the “label” is to know how to treat it, utilizing a versatile, effective and based on evidence methodology to do so.
Because if there was just 1 simple explanation as to the reason he was unemployed or procrastinates, he would have figured it out by now, but the thing is there’s probably many, many, complex reasons as to why, and science can help determine these and the path to forge ahead on.
“ADHD is one of the most treatable psychiatric conditions there are, the problem is, people aren’t receiving treatment.” - Dr.Russel A Barkley
You may also want to explain to him that this is not a dynamic that only effects himself, his unemployment and procrastination is something that effects you and both of your children. The dynamic in which one partner feels that they are parenting and taking care of another partner, is notoriously known to be one that strains relationships very badly.
But also explain to him that, if he does have ADHD, and seeks treatment, it doesn’t benefit you or your kids the most, it benefits him the most, it is not something that he is doing for you, it his something he should be doing for himself, as it is in his best interest to do so, and if it would be the case, he reaps the most benefit here out of anyone to have treatment. He has everything to gain and nothing to lose by simply seeking a diagnosis and evaluation, if it’s false what does he lose?
The prognosis, especially for ADHD untreated is not a pretty one, regardless of the severity, ADHD untreated usually goes towards a not good path, I rely in a more severe demographic, the one in which methamphetamine is even an option of treatment, and my prognosis of reduced life expectancy is at least 30 years without stimulant therapy [by a neurologist and psychiatrist evaluation, not a G.P], there’s higher addiction rates, divorce rates, incarcerations, suicides, unemployment, reduce life expectancy [The Average is somewhere between 7-14 years if I recall], likely hood of developing 2nd conditions and disorder such as Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Depressive disorders and Anxiety disorders, etc. And all of this, is consistently, generally (not always) ameliorated by treatment, especially stimulant therapy, throughout decades of research. So ADHD isn’t like a sub condition, it isn’t a less important condition, the consequences of not effectively treating it are quite severe in most cases, so it’s in his best interest to find out if he has it or not and to do something about it if he does.