I’ve came to realize something I think. I think this was supposed to happen so I could come up with solutions to deal with this myself rather then using the excuse of “I need help”. Now I’m not really getting it I’m forced to come up with my own solutions and use my problem solving skills and creativity to come up with something, not only for myself, but also for others.
In all honesty I’ve been really invested in Jessica’s videos again. It is giving me an overlook of some things that I didn’t know I am managing pretty well right now. For instance, controlling clutter. Apperantly I’m doing that amazingly well even though it seemed like I wasn’t.
The reason why it seemed so is because I’m used to living with my mother who, miraculously, is able to keep the whole house almost entirely clutter free. Her house is perfectly clean. I’m used to living there and I’m very close to mom so she has a big influence on me. That gave me an unrealistic image of how clean I need to keep my house. I’m not mom. I am me. I know I don’t mind a bit of clutter, as long as I can clean it again in the morning so I can continue the day being able to not focus on cleaning clutter out. Like, it does not have to be entirely clutter free and I honestly don’t like it to be. In my eyes I liked it when you can see that the space is actually used and lived in. That’s what your house is made for. As long as it won’t become a big trash field. I lived in that for a while in our last apartment. I hated it. And I’m good with putting things in specific places and creating spaces to prevent myself from creating too much clutter and, bonus, loose everhthing all the time. I’ve been doing that my own way the past week and I love the way I’m doing it right now.
Also, being very forgiving of myself when I don’t manage to do something is getting easier. Good example: for today I set a planner to work on things I wanted to get done, like cleaning the house. I managed to almost get everything done except for one thing. But I have plenty of time to do that tomorrow. So I’m able to forgive myself and actually praise myself for completing every other task I did. Without the planner I wouldn’t have been able to do nearly as much. So, yaaay for me!
And I’m collecting all the strageties and tips and tricks that Jessica gave us to use in a big document to share with everybody. So I’m not only doing it for myself, but also for others. Which is like a double catch since I am helping myself which makes me happier and I really love helping others too, which is a bonus with this. I love it.
So I think that this what happened with therapy is meant to be so I can first learn to deal with a lot of it on my own before I get in a therapist to help me deal with maybe bigger issues or things that I still can’t manage at the end.
So it’s like with an accident also unfolds a miracle. I like to keep it by that thought. And now let’s go to bed