I am so angry! I am furious! You know what I am angry at? The world the whole world for not getting me. I am tired of explaining myself to everyone and every institution I enter. Some times I feel like people should just know at least schools and teachers right? My own parents and friends right? U may think I am asking to much but am I really? Adhd is so common and so reasearched! I am just done being nice explaining the same thing over and over again and lying about my struggles because it’s easier then explaining. Uuuuhhhhh ! At some point I want better from the people around me and the institutions. Relationships are two fold and I shouldn’t always have to come to them they should come to me once I a while. I would give my left arm for some understanding! Adhd isn’t even bad it’s a difference one that for some nerotypicals its impossible to rap thier heads around and now I am paying for it! I probably will be paying for it my whole life! I don’t want to be a problem anymore I want to be a person treated with compassion and sympathy am I asking to much? I am not usually this angry but a lot of stuff has come to a head recently and I did not want to vent this on some unexpecting victim. Because they would think my anger is coming out of nowhere because they can’t rap thier head around my life ! If u need to rant please do I will listen. Some times that’s all u need, some one to hear your frustrations. .
I can get pretty angry too.
I notice on days I have “too much” caffeine I’m angrier and rant more.
Lately I’ve been listening to Abraham Hicks a lot on YouTube. And part of their whole deal is that no one can ever understand you. And if they do it’s a fluke and may be temporary.
That has been really freeing for me. And made me realize that in wanting others to understand me, i have put them above me. Like needing their approval in a way. ADHD can also come with massive self esteem issues which can manifest as seeking approval.
Anyway, I don’t expect you to understand but thought it might be helpful for you to hear some of these things. Maybe they’ll piss you off more.
On a good day, you’re unstoppable.
Thank u! Yay the only person who I know understands me all the time is God so that provides some comfort. But for everyone else true understanding is fleeting and rare. But I sometimes get jealous of how systems in society work so well for nerotypicals. Meanwhile I have to explain, change, or suffer for the sake of success in those same systems! I get that it’s not a personal attack but it feels like it some days.
I hear ya and I say the c-bomb way too much. But it’s not most days. For me either. I reckon sometimes we let our own inadequacies get to us and so our anger comes, at least in part, from not feeling good enough.
It’s true for me. Could it be for you too?
I try to remind myself that low self esteem can be so common with adhd. Therefore it’s easy to get triggered by feeling less than.
I can tell already that you’re really intelligent. You’re probably way better at most things than most people and you’re also probably really hard on yourself too.
I see a meme that said something like - if it wasn’t for hangovers, imagine how out of control shit would get. And it’s kind of like that with us and adhd- it we didn’t have something to hold us back, we’d just outshine the shit out of everyone. Haha.
On another note, same sister told me today she isn’t coming home for Christmas and it made me so angry. And hurt. And I’ve totalky taken it personally, like its an indication of her love and approval or not…
I’m generally a pretty angry camper. So I’m trying to help you with strategies but also trying to remind myself of it all at the same time.
I wish the world was understanding of our difficulties. It would make it a tad easier for us. I can’t even get my loved ones to understand (wife and kids) let alone my acquaintances. Please continue to vent here it’s a lot better than trying to hide it. When you let it build up you’ll cause more damage and even more anger.
Where here all of us are here for one another. If the world could only be as accepting as here… Pipe dreams…
It just sucks. It sucks to be called lazy and stupid. I’m not even mad. I get so sad to the point of ugly broken sobs when my family don’t understand me. They think I don’t love them, that I don’t care, that I do things to make them mad on purpose, that I fail on purpose. They make me feel guilty for referencing ADHD. Its like they expect me to explain it once and then fix all of it. This is my life my reality and it just doesn’t get better in just 24 hours and I constantly have to cry out for help to deaf ears. I hate it. Its so easy to slip into habits of self loathing when you listen to people constantly tell you what you care about what you don’t care about and what your incapable of. I am beyond angry.
i am just glad I’m not the only one who experiencing this kind of stuff.
It’s the worst feeling in the world, knowing I’ve hurt or disappointed someone I love and that they think it’s because I don’t care about them, and whatever it is I did (or just as likely didn’t do) was NOT deliberate, but caused by the fact that my brain just works differently. It’s a double whammy. It guts me and fills me with shame and self-recrimination. And to top it off, they’re yelling at me or crying, or giving me the silent treatment, and I hate to see them so unhappy, but not only is it probably too late to fix it, I can’t even get them to listen or understand that I DIDN"T MEAN IT.
When I was in second grade, my class got to watch a movie every Friday. If you didn’t get any demerits during the week for breaking rules, then you were allowed to bring a snack to eat during the movie. My teacher told my mom that I NEVER was able to earn a snack. And she didn’t understand because whenever I messed up and she told me I’d lost snack privalege, I would just accept the punishment without a fuss. I didn’t get angry. i didn’t cry. One week she allowed me to bring a snack even though I had demerits, hoping I would see what a good prize it was. I was pleased to have a snack, but it didn’t help me keep to whatever her rules were. I never earned a snack the rest of the year. The teacher thought I just didn’t care enough.
In reality, I cared a great deal. I tried to follow the rules every day. I tried so hard. But I also KNEW in my heart that I would fail, because I always did, no matter how hard I tried. So I accepted I would never get a snack during the movie, which means I didn’t feel I’d lost something when it got taken away, because I was never going to have it in the first place. In retrospect, her technique was flawed. That method would work with a neuro-typical child who could remember and be motivated by a prize far in the future. But with an ADHD child, it just was too distant to motivate me, or I just forgot, or something. But that internalized acceptance that I would never be able to do things right, that I would always mess up, has been with me my whole life. I fight it now, but it lingers like a bad smell, coloring every plan or project I come up with.
TLDR; I understand how you feel. It’s not your fault. NTs will always ascribe motives to our behavior that are not true, because they can’t see any other reason. Focus on celebrating when you do things well instead of dwelling on when you mess up. You are an amazing person.
They say helping others can sometimes be the best way to help ourselves.
Ur judgement of me is spot on. I am smart and have low self-esteem .
This was a really beautiful response that made me feel understood. I haven’t felt understood in a while.
I could not agree more! Mabey they will come around it took me a long time to get my family to kinda understand me. But I could have written ur post only mouth ago.
Yes, not surprised. You sounds awesome but hard on yourself. I know it’s hard not to be. Sometimes I think me anger comes out of also feeling inadequate in situations when I’m really not and am just inside my own head too much. I’ve been reading some of the support work for DBT lately and have been finding it really helpful. DBT was developed as treatment for another disorder but it is really useful for me too as it has really useful internal skills. Many are targeted on ways to not be so hard on yourself and being mindful.
It takes a bit of research but it’s useful. Or if you’re in the USA there might be groups near you.
The snack thing, thats the kind of thing that makes me furious. It is not fair. “Fun fact”: Often, when I have counceled teachers to make special arrangements for struggling children, the standard answer has been: “It’s not fair to the other pupils”. Nowadays I am constantly annoyed by the lack of understanding, or the lazy thinking, that children and adults who are not neurotypical have to face.