I am new here, I'm lost and also depressed

I have not at all idea of what am I doing here, but I guess I wanted to try.
I am having now a depression episode and the ADD is making it even worse.
My flat is a mess, I have to study for 2 important exams, in my company they’re mobbing me and even when I have an angel by my side as Boyfriend when he’s not wit my me I feel awful. He helps me a lot but we don’t live together.

I can’t manage my emotions and it makes me feel so guilty.

Maybe talking with other people I feel better and if someone shares their experiences or tricks I might be able to stand up from bed and do ANYTHING, read, play guitar, study or … anything.

P.s: I’m Spanish but living in Germany and I don’t have many friends and I struggle a lot with the language.

Thanks for reading

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Hi try not to be so hard on yourself it sounds like you have a lot going on and it’s easy to get overwhelmed when you have adhd.
A lot of people here go through these periods of depression, I know I do and it can be hard to achieve even the smallest of goals, what I do is write down a list of things I need to do each day, when I’m really struggling I will even write the most basic of things on my list like brush teeth or wash clothes, it takes away the pressure of having to remember to do stuff but also as you tick off your list it reminds you of the things you have achieved that day.

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Welcome! You found a good place here. Of course as you know there is no single, easy answer to help when we are depressed . . . But at this moment in time I will suggest only one thing that I have found never fails to help. Exercise! Whether it is running, bicycling, getting on a treadmill, etc. getting my heart beat up, breathing hard, and sweating a bunch has always helped me get away from the edge when I am depressed. Of course as you know when you’re depressed you don’t feel like doing anything. The last thing you think you’re able to do is to get out of bed, jump on a bicycle or in some other way DO IT! That has been the biggest struggle for me . . . and most people when they see no way out of their depression. I do not always succeed and sometimes let myself sink further into depression and “the HELL with that shit . . . (exercise)”!

Perhaps your boyfriend can help you get started. Don’t think beyond the moment. Don’t worry whether or not you can get into the habit of exercising. Don’t have an internal argument with yourself about exercising or not. Just push yourself to try, even though you are not at all convinced that anything will change . . . i.e. “get better”. I used to have a banner that I hung up on my bedroom wall. It read “exercise or feel like shit!”. Taking it on faith that I must have been correct in my reasoning for making that banner . . . Sometimes, not every time, I would get on my exercise bike. It never failed to make me feel better. I wish you the best of luck.

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As above, don’t be hard on yourself, it only repeats the cycle and some exercise is good, same as good diet and quality sleep, all these things get left behind when you are feeling low.

Simple things work best when you are feeling low. Don’t try to do too much in one go, small steps are the best way to get out of the black hole, try and climb out too fast and there’s a good chance it will be overwhelming and repeat the ‘beat yourself up because you failed’ cycle.

Try to plan out the next day for yourself, just small things, it helps to have something to focus and aim for to get you up and out of bed, instead of feeling a bit lost when you wake up.

Are you seeking any medical help for your depression, some times medication can give you the boost that you need to get going again. Remember, it can be temporary help, it does not need to be something that you rely on forever, just some help for right here, right now.

Hopefully this will help you too, it’s full of good advice and save the short version so you can keep reminding yourself too.


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I am much thankful about your answer, but sports is specially hard for me, although dancing sometimes helps. I am with a personal trainer with online sessions, not always helps, but I will think about it, specially walking a bit, but it’s really hard for me to simply go out from home… but it’s a nice a idea, but that it works for you maybe it doesn’t work for me, but thanks a lot for your answer!!

:slight_smile:

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Yeah… lists, the infinite lists topic… it’s a great idea, but it sucks so much that even with the simple stuff i don’t feel good enough, I pressure myself that I always HAVE TO DO MORE. It’s an stigma that I really have to work.

Thanks a lot ^^,
:slight_smile:

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I have a therapist but it doesn’t always work… he thought me about MATRIX (not the movie) but it’s so hard, as you said, to go out of the black, DEEP well, soooooo hard. I also asked for a date with a psychiatrist, I think about medication, but I am not sure yet if it’s the right way to go, sure not for a long term, but maybe in a short term to be able to focus and learn habits.

This video you sent me it’s REALLY interesting and cute. This and the bullet journal I hope and I can make myself motivated to wake up from bed in the morning… and the rest of the day.

The main problem with lists and goals for the next day is that I don’t look at them and i keep forgetting I’ve done them and I feel so bad and guilty I forgot. I REMEMBER IT AT NIGHT WHEN IM ABOUT TO SLEEP, it feels awful I can’t control myself on a daily basis. It feel I need someone next to me to force me to do stuff, like I depend on someone else, like I can’t be in charge of myself…

Anyways… THAKS A LOT for your answer :slight_smile: :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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That’s why I have an indoor exercise bike. I listen to classical music for 30 minutes as I cycle. I sacrificed other things to buy a really good one. For me, it was a good decision. We are all different of course, so what works for me might or might not work for you. But, aerobic exercise of any kind, that gets the heart rate up to one’s “Target Rate” (there’s a formula on-line to figure what it is, . . . age dependent.) helps!

OK, I’ll get off of my :soap:box!

Wish you well . . .

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It can take a bit of time to fine tune antidepressant medication but they meds do work for a lot of people.

I don’t think it’s a good idea to try and get to sleep while thinking about a great big list of things to do the next day. Try starting with one nice thing for yourself that will help you get out of bed. Maybe some stretches first, a little dancing to start your day, maybe a nice breakfast afterwards. Sounds good to me, if you can get to that point, or similar, whatever works for you, you should be in a much better frame of mind to face the rest of the day.

As Brooklyn has said, exercise is excellent for mental health. Endophins are one of the strongest natural antidepressants and you make it for yourself, all you have to do is make a start, your day will be better for it, I promise you. Start off small but I suggest you have a look at this YT channel and give it a try at your own pace. If you do the warm up and cool down too, 4 minutes each, that’s 20 minutes of exercise that could exchange for a boost in your mood for the rest of the day.


Try anything and everything that could help you out of the black hole. I know a guy, probably ADHD, who worked at home most of the time, and had problems with managing time and workload. He found this was the solution for him, first he gave himself set hours of the day for work, same as a regular job. At work start time he would put on his work clothes, leave the house and walk round the block, then come back home and start work. At the finish work time, he would do the same process in reverse, get back in the house, shower and change clothes and then be able to relax. It’s funny how we can play tricks on ourselves to help ourselves.

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Hi Ana,

Welcome to the group! I’ll try to add a few thoughts to what everyone else has already contributed, in hopes that they help a bit.

Regarding exercise, far be it from me to do anything other than extol its virtues. I just got back from a long trail run, getting away from the density of people in Silicon Valley to where I can enjoy the flowers, trees, and vistas. Just getting up and moving helps me focus afterwards. But enough people have already opined on that topic….

Regarding mobbing at work, please know that you are not responsible. While I haven’t gone through anything that severe, I have had experiences where I was the target of the silent treatment from a coworker I considered a friend. I tried to ignore it, but it hurt. One thing that helped me immensely was reading Kipling Willam’s book, “Ostracism: The Power of Silence.” The biggest messages I got from it were that

  1. Yes, it really hurts. Many targets of both ostracism and physical violence would take physical violence over ostracism.
  2. I wasn’t responsible, and
  3. (this wasn’t so nice) There was little I could do about it while still there. I’m not there any more.

Controlling your fear. Amanda Ripley, in her book “The Unthinkable: Who Survives When Disaster Strikes – And Why,” states: “There are simpler ways to train the fear response. One of the most surprising tactics, taught in all seriousness to some of the scariest, gun-wielding men in the world, is breathing. Over and over again, when I ask combat trainers how people can master their fear, this is what they talk about. Of course, they will call it ‘combat breathing’ or ‘tactical breathing’ when they teach it to Green Berets and FBI agents. But it’s the same basic concept taught in yoga and Lamaze classes. One version taught to police works like this: breathe in for four counts; hold for four counts; breathe out for four counts; hold for four; start again. That’s it….
“How could something so simple be so powerful? The breath is one of the few functions that reside in both our somatic nervous system (which we can consciously control) and our autonomic system (which includes our heartbeat and other actions we cannot easily access. So the breath is a bridge between the two. … By slowing down the breath, we can de-escalate the primal fear response that otherwise takes over.”

With a bit of a sense of calm, it can be easier to look at things from a different perspective. In our efforts as humans to improve ourselves, our focus on ourselves tends to be on our imperfections. “I’m not very good at A or B. And James is better than me at X, and Amanda is better at Y, …” Yes, it is useful to understand where we can improve, but it is also important to appreciate our strengths as well. Look at that when you are calm. You don’t have to be the best in the world for something to be a strength. What do your close and trusted friends think about you? In these days of global connectivity, you can ask friends this, even if they aren’t physically within hundreds of miles of you. Remember that you consider them friends because they have traits that you like. They are likely to think similarly of you. My ADHD doctor reminded me of this yesterday. In your case, one immediate thing that came to mind is: “Spanish, living in Germany, and writing clearly about a difficult topic in English.” I’m impressed.

And just like some of us need glasses to perform well, others need ADHD or depression medications to help correct physiological imbalances. Listen to doctors and therapists as well – I certainly don’t pretend to be one.

Try to push your boundaries a little bit so you can try different approaches to this. I hope things begin to clear up!

– John

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