My name is Soph and I am undiagnosed but highly suspected to have ADHD. I struggle with anxiety and depression, I’m also pretty dyslexic. I am an adult but I feel like a failure. I cry many times a week because I can’t function like everyone else I see. It feels like everything is a fight. I have to fight myself to do my work. Fight myself to do something I think is fun but has many steps to it. I have to fight myself to meet my basic needs and usually fall short.
Finding Jess’ channel has made me feel empowered. Like I’m not crazy, or stupid, or lazy. I feel validated. I feel understood. I’m scared to share this with the people in my life though because I’m not actually diagnosed. I don’t want to tell them “those things you say about me, they have a cause. I have a ADHD and here’s how it shows up” when that could be a lie. Maybe I just suck at being a person. Maybe I can’t focus because I don’t have enough will power. Maybe my emotions are all over the place because I’m a girl who has “that time of the month” attitude everyday for no reason. Maybe I’m just the normal amount of interest and not hyperfocused. Maybe I have sensory issues because I’m overly particular and they aren’t really sensory issues. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
Maybe there’s an answer. Maybe I’m not crazy. Maybe I’m not making this up and it’s all in my head. I have no support around me. Not that would understand. I am hoping to schedule an appointment soon to be tested for ADHD. Until then, I will continue to doubt myself like I’ve been taught to do. I hope that at the very least I can be part of a community of creative, funny, and interesting people whether I belong or not.
The name is Soph, I’m an adult woman with problems. Thanks for coming to my ted talk. I hope we can be friends