I’m freaking out and I’m having severe anxiety about the fact that I’m getting tested for adhd. My familly just says I’m making excuses, my best friend in the whole world acts like adhd is also just an excuse, because of this I am so afraid, if I’m told I dont have adhd I dont know what I will do, I’m scared that I could lose my friends and my family will never look at me the same. And I’m scared about what I will think of myself, am I just lazy and stupid? WHAT SHOULD I DO:tired_face:
I just found out I have ADHD a few weeks ago at 31 years old. During my intake interview, I broke down and told the doctor that I was so nervous to share my diagnosis with my family. I know that they would say things like “…but everyone is like that from time to time”; “that’s just always been you, it’s your personality!”; “you just have to find the motivation, and you can change”; etc. The doctor recommended that I not tell them unless I felt ready to do so.
It is really hard not to tell them about it, as I feel like ADHD affects everything that I do. But I think the doctor was right. I think Jessica talked about this in one of her videos - when we get a diagnosis, it’s like our whole world has changed and we’ve discovered an entirely new, profound part to ourselves. But, to the world, from the outside, we’re still the same “us”.
I think it’s OK if you keep the diagnosis as your own until you feel ready to share it with others. If you do have it, taking the time to learn as much as you can about ADHD will help. I cried a lot during the first week each time I would watch an ADHD video or read an article because it made so much sense and was relieving to read. I felt stupid and useless too (and still do some days, because a lifetime of negative self-talk doesn’t go away overnight), but it’s just simply not true. You will finally have a starting point to work from to get where you want to go.
If your parents have control over whether or not you see a counselor and/or take medication, maybe you could try and have the doctor speak directly with them as well.
You’re not alone!
yes my dad thinks i want adhd, he goes you shoudlnt want adhd its not a good thing, its going to be hard for you then. This is because the doctors said idont have it but i didnt open up to him so this time i will
If you do or not . . . Best to know!
Only then can you live up to your full potential. If you DO, then there are ways and places to get help, support and understanding (like here) . . . And if you DON’T then it’s one less road to get lost on in searching for your full potential!
And btw, some of us think having ADHD is, in many ways, a good thing! Instead of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, think Attention Difference Helpful Dynamism . . .
@coolmrtjg, First welcome!
As others have said, you’re not alone! Before finding out about ADHD we too felt similar emotions. Even if your family won’t believe it at first, you knowing you what is going on with you and as a result learning to not blame yourself is a huge first step! Knowing you have ADHD is not about finding an excuse but about learning how to deal with it. Even if no one around you knows it (or believes it or acknowledges it), you can benefit by doing what the doctor recommends.
You don’t have to tell your friend until you feel comfortable doing so.Your family’s saying you’re making excuses is more out of ignorance than any knowledge. They don’t understand. They may need time to truly understand and come to terms with. May be your doctor can help as @jessicakes suggests.
Finally, even if the doctor says you don’t have it, but you are convinced you do, get a second opinion. Also ask the doctor what explains your symptoms (or behavior) assuming you’re not faking them. Ask them why would you fake something which makes your life more difficult? Do write down things that you want to talk about with your doctor as you may forget to bring them up while in the doctor’s office!
Hnag in there and good luck!
It’s so hard. I hear what you’re saying and having support for your family the people who you want there acceptance the most from. Sometimes they can’t give you what you need and that’s why I’m glad you found this site. There are nice people here who relate and can give you advice and support. So good job.
I don’t have a lot of friends, when I got diagnosed 15 years ago, I never shared that with even my best friend and I didn’t discuss it to my family. I was at the time very ashamed and embarrassed and even my boyfriend I didn’t tell. About 5 years ago is when I decided to open up to my family and friends about it and really my friends don’t care and my family thinks I shouldn’t be on medication and they think that the medication is bad and my family who I wanted there support the most gave me the opposite. I have a therapist and a psychiatrist who I work with 1hr once a week with and I learned I just can’t talk to my parents about my ADHD. there not supportive. It was hard and still is. I even went though a grieving period of the fact my mom has never and will never be capable of giving me the emotional support I needed from her. The more you work on yourself the more you love yourself and accept yourself the stronger you’ll be for yourself. This is your life and you deserve to live your life. You deserve to be happy. And it’s hard when you feel put down by those you love. I’ve been put down by my family my whole life and it fucked me up. But I know they love me and that they didn’t do it to be malicious. They just don’t get me
Anxiety is part of ADHD. Take three deep breaths, pause, and ask yourself what there is to be fearful about. Do you really believe you could lose your family and/or friends over a diagnosis? For right now there is a correct emotion, and that is curiosity. If you do not have ADHD, then you deal with that. If you do have it, then you get to deal with that reality.
Having ADHD is not an excuse. It is an obstacle in some ways and a gift in other ways. But either way, you have work to do ahead of you. Focus on the issues you have control over. What you have control over right now is the sequence of events. First you get the diagnosis, then come to terms with the results.
Your “best friend in the whole world” doesn’t know anything about ADHD. If you have it, then you may have some educating to do - for yourself, your family, and your friend. Be grateful for your life, your family, your friends, your teachers and mentors, and your access to a large network of people who have had to deal with many of the issues you face. Gratitude goes a long, long way in this world.