If I had a dollar each time I lost focus, lost a thing, misplaced it or forgot it even existed, Jeff Bezzos’d have something to worry about someone overtaking his position.
I just finished watching Jessica’s TedTalk and I can’t remember the last time I bawled my eyes that hard. It was so liberating and relieving to know why I did the things I did or the conscious realization that I can’t control it.
It reminded me of all the times I felt or was made to feel inadequate for losing my things forgetting a meeting, or not being able to complete my projects. One time I had to go through the garbage at McDonalds along because I had my keys in the tray and dumped it while trashing the tissues. One of the most stressful times for me was when I picked up an order to-go but couldn’t find my wallet at the counter. I convinced a stranger to pay using their card after I transferred money to them. I was visiting Canada in 2 days and all my stuff was in the wallet. I immediately rushed to retract me steps and went back to all 3 work buildings I visited that day, and looked in every room/floor I was on - it was nowhere to be found. I also went back to the bistro where I had breakfast that morning and they didn’t find it either. I found it two days later in a pile of unfolded clothes on the floor, stale from last week’s laundry and I never had it on me - and I paid using Electronic tap from my phone. (Sounds familiar?). I had also eaten at the bistro the day before, and that’s the memory I had of holding my wallet there which somehow fused itself in my brain and blurred the lines on my mental timelines.
I came to the realization that I couldn’t trust my time estimations and that my sense of time was very skewed. I couldn’t get up from where I sat even though I knew I had to leave or else I’d be late. I couldn’t be on time, so I started telling people “I’m prone to be late so I’d like to be able to tell you when I leave - so I don’t keep you waiting. And I stopped committing to tasks that had deadlines - I knew I’d miss them. Reminders and lists helped a lot! I taught skills related to behaviour and psychology so I became hyper-aware of my own behaviour and actions. I also did a certification that analyzed people’s brain design and there’s a certain kind of population who are prone to being this way - and I knew that, but didn’t know those were the signs of adhd - or what it was.
I had read somewhere that ADHD was a myth and I’m super embarrassed to admit it it now.
Thank you for this forum! I look forward to knowing more about myself and learn from all of you.
So… phew! All of my school, my college, my life, my actions and decisions buzzed past my eyes and explained the rootcause of me, to me.