Yep it’s getting on my nerves now.
I’ve been having some low dopamine days again. I can’t get anything done but I’m dealing and figuring it out.
My mom, even from a distance, immediately notices that. And it’s becoming annoying right now.
A good example is yesterday. I wanted to apply for 2 jobs via email which I told mom I actually wanted to do last Friday but I forgot. Then she texts me on if I applied forcing me to immediately apply so I can say yes. Kind of like, she’s forcing me over the wall of awful.
The point is, I feel like she’s too controlling over me. I moved out for a reason mom. Let me go already. Let me please figure things out on my own.
I have told this to her before. But she did explain that she feels the need to do it cause she feels like I can’t do it all alone yet. I understand her cause the last 3 years have been kinda crazy with a whole healing process going on. So I understand her worries. But she can’t let them go and that’s starting to be annoying. That I have difficulties cleaning the house one day doesn’t mean that I am immediately depressed or something. Or that the world is ending. I’ve been finally able to accept that part of my ADHD and I’m being kind to myself when I have such days. Now it’s her turn. I won’t be able to have a perfectly clean house like she does, but she does hold me up to that standard and I don’t want to. It’s my house so my rules.
She also FaceTimed me today with the idea that “it’s not going well”. And she’s right. I’ve been having struggles getting things done the past days. But I litteraly lied to her cause I’m done with her being so controlling. It tell a lot when I, someone who never lies, starts lying to her own mother.
Guess I’m gonna have to say it to her again sometime soon. I’m getting ADHD therapy soon. And I wanna figure it out by myself. If I need help, she knows she’ll hear from me.
Jeez that rant is out.
Sorry I had to get it out somewhere