I need to vent

So I was meant to vacuum the house but sincce my dad had to work, I finally gor round to it today.
So my mum who was working in the garden came and gave me these tasks:

  • clean between the cushions
    -clean under (specific) desk
    -clean behind (specific) table
    -clean certain corner of cobwebs
    -when the beans on the stove come to a boil lower the heat

That’s already a lot of tasks, but fine. I’m doing the vacuuming:
-I see the beans are boiling I turn it down.
-My mum comes in says that stoves high.
-I say that’s the lowest in can go.

Mum goes in the garden, I continue vaccuming.

-I move to the bedrooms. I finish the vaccuming.
-I go to throw sth in the kitchen. I smell sth.
-The beans are burning. I turn it off.
-I go to the garden to tell mum.

She goes balistic. Saying I told you to “keep an eye on them” (she didn’t)

I say you said turn it down when it comes to a boil which I did. You didn’t say anything after that.

She shouts, “I need to tell you again?”
I shout “Yes!”
She says I’m making excuses.(we’ve all heard that before)
I say, I did what you told me. I’ve explained before I need reminders and specific tasks and not too many at a time.
She says I don’t want to hear it. Just accept you messed up. (ouch)
This goes on, we keep shouting until nothing is being heard so we just end it.

Am I wrong at being pissed for getting yelled at? I don’t think I am.

P.s I’m a 27 year old woman arguing with her mum over burnt beans. (15 months diagnosed)

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you will feel this way… as well so will your parent… Do your best to help them understand what its like in your shoes…
If multi tasking causes this to reoccur, try best to limit the amount of task at a time…
i find my self in this spot time to time… where i can finish the 1st quicker with better quality. then start the next… helps keep away from the miss understandings…
Hope there are things that await you an your path, so your cleaning your own place and setting your own standards in life.

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The list was ridiculous in the first place, I don’t see how even a neurotypical person can hoover in a different room while cooking something in the kitchen, even if ‘keeping an eye’ had been said out loud.

Also, if you want to cook and garden at the same time, that’s not going to go well, even if you think giving someone else half-baked instructions will help. Maybe that’s the real reason she got so cross: she knew she’d messed up.

I think it was perfectly human to yell at you, we all often externalise our frustrations. It was also perfectly human for you to react badly to bring yelled at.

Maybe at some point you could both calmly agree to try not to yell next time, but to do that you will need to work out how to avoid it. Not easy, but probably something achievable with effort and understanding on both sides.

And the key is probably self acceptance and being able to admit that your actions may have upset someone, although that wasn’t your intention (again, I mean both of you :wink:).

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Thank you, that’s kind of what I needed to hear, jjst so I know I’m not crazy.:blush:
I wanted to stay pissed, but I honestly can’t stay mad too long at her. And we have agreeded to sit down and talk when we are both in the right mind to listen. :crossed_fingers:

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I also think there is a lot to manage there, especially trying to do different things in different rooms. I can easily forget to check and end up with burnt food, even when I’m standing right next to it in the kitchen, including beans.

I think you both messed up a bit, so there’s some responsibility on both sides, and it’s only beans. You both saw that the beans were at too high a temperature, but neither of you reacted enough to save the beans. Probably, you, because you were trying to do too much, and your mum because she was expecting too much.

It may not seem that hard for your mum to remember to check on the beans every few minutes, but that’s something that also gets better/easier with more experience, just explain again how difficult that is for you. If you are not sure about using the stove in the best way, maybe also ask your mum to show you how to control the heat better so that you have half a chance of not burning beans.

Again, it’s only beans, but beans deserve better!
(I do realise that my bean jokes could have bean better.)

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The beans were not abig deal she was worried that her pot was damaged, which once she realised she wasn’t she calmed down. And I forgot to mention I did move it to a smaller fire on the stove, (it was on the medium sized one) but it was just on for too long.
And I appreciated your bean jokes😁

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Let’s be thankful and do ourselves a FAVA that there were no CORONA beans a MUNG them . . .

I’m only KIDNEYing

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10/10 bean jokes!

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And here I thought I lost my mojo and was a has BEAN:exclamation:

(talk about poor impulse control . . . really . . .)

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Update:
So yesterday my mum asked me to bring and peel her a potato.
She then asked me if I would grate it.
Then she asked me to make the whole lunch
(she was making bread)
And before this she had asked me to stay in the kitchen cause she might call on me.
So she heard me and when asking for my help asked in a way that I could and later I acknowledged that I have noticed and appreciate her effort. :grin:

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Nice, it’s good to read you have a sucess story! :potato: :corn: :carrot: :broccoli: :leafy_green: :onion: :tomato: :eggplant: :banana: :green_apple: :watermelon:

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That’s real improvement. :+1:
Give your mum a hug. :hugs:

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Yay! Hooray for improved communication in the kitchen😀

Well done both! I hope she is also happy with the result, that should help her remember to do it this way again in the future.

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