i think i figured out the question... can you help me with the answer? (long post, no TL;DR)

i don’t know if that’s the right place to ask… or even open up on this tropic, do tell if it isn’t.

so i already figured out i am depressed, infact i probably was for most of my life up till now. (i am 24)

don’t get me wrong, i am not diagnosed, but looking at my life from a 3rd person perspective and kind of an inward observation, its most likely bad.

so just like any good future engineer guy, i was looking for a solution. at first i thought that it was my way of thinking (the irony…) but no. i am quite familier with most of the cbt/nlp/meditative techniques and was practicing them at age 15-19 because i was interested in them. (at first i wanted to be a psychologist… but alas, my love for video games made me a programmer)

i then looked into my social (non existing) situation. and so decided to visit people i trust(kinda…) to aliviate some of the lonlyness i feel while being at the dorms, where i don’t have any friends beside my roommate who is actually a cool guy. for the rest of the day i just stay at the dorm and on my computer.

so i decided to get out and visited family. which made me feel better. for a few hours? i say that with a question mark because its strange, if the problem was beeing lonely surly a 5h visit would have recharged that social bar right?
so i figured it wasn’t social need. plus, i am introveted, so that 5h was more of a pain then anything after 3h. but i figure why not… maybe its like the sims and there is an invisible metter i need to fill.
nope.

so the question therefore is… is this normal? like actually normal to feel lonely? for a guy at age 24 to be completly unconneted to his age group?

now most advice i would have gotten probably be along the lines of tony robbins “do massive action!” or some outer cringe worthy slogens. don’t get me wrong i am watching motivational videos like the next guy… but that’s just what it is, motivation. not actual advice.

that changes the question from “is it normal”" to “is it changeable”, because i would assume if people had advice for this situation they would have given it already. but all i got was motivation.

i have done some personal development when i was littele, the all “go talk to random people on the street” excecises and “get outside your comfort zone”. thing can only get me so far…

from here i can only conclude that yes, it is changeable. but that leads to a all diffrent horror game…
do i want to change?

i am stuck at this. actually stuck. not thinking throug. not letting it boil or cook. i am getting nowhere with this. for the life of me i can’t figure this out.

your thoughts?

First of all, welcome and well done for reaching out, it’s so good that you’re focused on finding a solution and improving your life. It’s so frustrating when you hit a plateau or a brick wall and you don’t know how to feel better. The good news is that there’s certainly plenty more stuff you can try! You’re right that it is changeable, especially while you’re still so young.

Even if you weren’t an introvert, if you’re lacking real social connection and/or are generally depressed then you could still feel lonely in a room full of people. Are there any old friends you haven’t spoken to in years that you could reach out to? Maybe catch up with someone you used to be really close to but lost touch with? You said your roommate is a cool guy, could you pluck up the courage to suggest doing something with him? Watch a movie, play a game, go to a bar, whatever you enjoy doing?

Online interaction also helps with loneliness, like on forums, chatrooms, gaming etc. if you’re into all that. Online communities are amazing for healing loneliness and there’s absolutely no shame in it.

Motivational speaking can make you feel worse if you’re depressed. You have no energy to do those things and it makes you feel worse. Try not to be too hard on yourself, you’re doing the best you can and life has dealt you a crappy hand.

I don’t know what country you live in, so it’s hard to give specific advice about this, but seriously look into getting medication and therapy/counselling. Nobody can self-administer therapy, particularly teenagers! No matter how bright you were! CBT won’t work if you don’t actually have any CBT sessions led by a professional, so don’t write it off just yet. There are so many different kinds of talking therapies out there that can really help if you find the right one. Honestly, there is no better cure for depression than therapy. Find a professional and try it out, it may surprise you.

Antidepressants can help get you back on your feet if you’re struggling with things like lethargy, apathy and all the other things associated with depression. They’re typically a temporary measure while you seek therapy, although some people are on it for most of their life.

You could also look at alternative therapies like aromatherapy, hypnotherapy, mindful walking, exercise etc.

hi, thank you for the fast reply. really appreciate it.

from your response i gather that the main thing is a lack of social connection (as you inquired from my post), i just didn’t know how to really say it plainly without any explanation… i feel lonely. yet i am seeing people as much as i can. which isn’t much. as i feel uncomfortable in parties or general sitting with people talking about stuff. i don’t know why… i just always find it more bothersome then fun and refreshing, and deep down (even tough is probably not true…) i feel like an asshole for not being able to stand people for more then an hour. saying it like that make it look like i think i am better then them.
i am not. and if i was, i wouldn’t have been so lonely because of things like mensa and outer circles that ware created for the super intelligence…

what you said about social interaction eludes me… i can’t see how it replaces real social interactions i see outer people have. my roommate is a cool guy but we like different things… we connect on the simple fact we are both funny and both have somewhat of a brain for nerdy things. he however is much more social then i.

the more i think about it, the more i return to this video:

put in short, depression is not a symptom per see. its a cause. made by (what i highly doubtful is) some repressed trauma. hence the difficulty in self diagnosis and social acceptance around it.

lets say i reached out to people, some one i knew far back. its not like he/she can cure me. in fact i don’t think it would even be fair. if some one you knew way back all of a sudden called you and told you they are depressed… i am pretty sure that is just awkward.

the therapy might be a good idea… but i don’t know what to say or explain. hell i don’t really know if it really is depression. i don’t have the final say. only a professional can say that.
chicken and the egg much?

When I say reach out to an old friend, I mean for social interaction! Not to tell them you’re depressed in the hope they’d fix your problems, just for someone to talk to and make you feel less alone. When you spend time with people, like you did with your family, and it helps for a few hours, that’s still good. It’s temporary but it helps you cope. It’s like taking painkillers for a toothache - it won’t fix the toothache, but it’ll help you cope with the pain until your dentist appointment.

That video is interesting, I’m glad it’s helped. Although I don’t like how it seems to demonise medication a bit. Medication can be lifesaving for many, not just a money-grab from pharmaceutical companies.

I really think you should speak to a doctor. Internet research will only get you so far before you need to sit in front of a professional who sees depressed people all the time. Depression is very common and you don’t need to have experienced severe trauma to experience depression. The trauma mentioned in the video (which psychotherapists zero in on) can be anything from growing up with smothering parents, to being bullied in school, to a particularly distressing relationship you had, to the death of your first pet or even hiding your sexuality/gender identity. We’re not just talking about child abuse and the like - trauma in THIS context comes in many different forms and it’s often not obvious to see how much it TRULY affected you until a therapist helps you find it.

For the record, my source is that I’m a mental health first aider, have a masters in psychology and have suffered (and recovered) from depression in the past :slight_smile:

smothering parents? how about paranoid? my mom still thinks the goverment is after her and people are watching her every move.

bullies? i wasn’t out of my house enough to be bullied. i was stuck on the computer because i never developed social skills after moving so many schools.
one of them was full of actual criminals. like drinking at school and smoking (yes its illegel here… and i don’t) weed on school grounds. brinking tasers and knifes to school. harassing the women teachers and generlly being idiots. it was a all boys school, so you can imagine how it was… i started taking my concerta WAYYY above my prescribed amount. it made things seem simple. i got addicted to thinking.
its not that i was soft… i just wasn’t going to be like them because they ware… well… criminals.

the list goes on… but i am sure some of these are just nit picks by me to just excuse my depression into some logical sense of cause and effect. so ill stop here.

ill look into speaking to a proffesional (hopfully he will actually be one). idea on what to ask him/her about?

You don’t need to justify feeling depressed, but that does sound like unresolved trauma to me.

When you see a doctor, it’s normally a good idea to mention how you think your mood affects your everyday life. What does it stop you doing? What symptoms of depression are you experiencing? How long have you felt like this? These days, doctors know that most patients have already been googling their symptoms, so be honest and say that you identify with what you’ve read online about depression. You don’t need to tell him why you feel this way, just list your symptoms.

will do. thanks :slight_smile:

ok i know i kinda gave the impression it’s all well and good…
but i cant do it.

i just can’t see myself explaining some things i expirianced to someone. i dunno if i am imposter syndromizing myself or what…

i don’t feel bad every day. but i feel alone alot. but if i know what i am feeling bad about it’s not depression, it just feeling sad. no?

i am also kinda afraid what i want to say is actually normal… cause then what do i do?
and if it is not… then… well… then what do i do?

telling it out like that is weird but… how can i trust some stranger with things i have been through? like… how do i know he/she is actually trying to help or just looking for money…

i am afraid i will also say what i want to be true but really isn’t. i don’t know what i want to be true… this is confusing…

like it can’t all be so bad right? i made it this far? beside what can a therapist do?