I think my mom has separation anxiety

anxiety

#1

Ive never had the pleasure of living independently, but now I want to study abroad this summer. I try to address all of the safety and financial concerns, but it keeps coming back to:

  • “i dont understand why you want to do this”
  • “why can’t you stay local”
  • “why can’t you take a course at a local private school”
  • “im going to worry about u” / “i’m going to be a basket case”
  • “but i know u get lost and i wont be able to help”

Thats why i think she’s feeling separation anxiety and I dont know what to do. I still want to go, but mom being scared is putting a bit of a cloud over it all.


#2

This is complex. I think that you should try to figure out the right questions to ask her while in a delicate way try to express why you need new experiences in order to grow as a person.


#3

Darn, im not as good as tact as i am with other things. Normally I get stuck on trying to make her feel that thinga will OK? It doesnt help, though…


#4

I hear you. Being mindful of old patterns and trying to figure out new ones is hard.


#5

Parents worry. It’s coded in our brain. She would have felt the same anxiety when you started school. And then when you went to high school and again when you went to university or whatever. And it’s great that she cares enough to do what she thinks is the right thing to keep you safe.

BUT they are her anxieties and fears that every parent faces when our kids grow up. In the end it’s your life to live and trust me when you get older you will never look back and wish that you stayed at home.

It’s nice that you worry about your mum but don’t let that stop you getting out and experiancing all you can. If you do I think that she might regret it as much as you in the end.

M


#6

Study Abroad update: I talked to other students about their experience, and finally I learned that it was based more on marketing. So the program isnt what I’m looking for, but I’m okay because I made the decision. As far as my mom’s anxiety goes, I might be able to address it in stages rather than all at once.


#7

Maybe come up with solutions to her anxiety, rather than getting to talk her out of it. For example, if she’s scared you’ll get lost, you can remind her that you have a phone, and there are lots of kind, helpful people who can help you if you are completely lost. I have never been in this situation, but when I’m panicked, my mum uses this to calm me down. Give it a shot and let me know!