Hello you! I am Nancy 27, mother of 2. Over the past couple of weeks I watched some videos about adhd, including howtoadhd. And that is why I am here now. And for sometimes I thought that maybe I have ADHD, but now im not sure anymore. Anyway here is some detail. So the next part Is something that I wrote and edited and reedited in a week. But if its not very clear I apologize in advance, first of all English is not my first language, and second I am not very good at things, including words.
I had this episode when I was driving, and then I had that feeling like like I woke up and I am holding the wheel and I am driving, like approaching the intersection. One second I passed an interception and now I’m already approaching next, like I was absent for whole block. So basically the amount of time which would be enough to pass one long block is missing. And it’s driving lesson so I wasn’t speeding. I don’t have very good sense of time. So I don’t know how long was it and but it was enough to scare me. I was like,where have I been, 30 seconds is gone I’m already in the end of the block in the last moment I was aware of was the beginning of the block. But the driving instructor didn’t seem to notice.
I went straight to my primary care physician. I’ve seen on TV about that micro seizures when you just kind of like Black out. In a show the patient had them but wasn’t aware because it was small and hardly noticeable. And because even my driving instructor didn’t notice, I thought that maybe I had something like that.
She was like okay so if you think that it’s seizures maybe you should see neurologist. But I’m a procrastinator and I was scared, so I didn’t go. Instead I started googling and I spoken to my dad about any neurological conditions in our family. But after sometimes I remembered that I wasn’t actually blacked out I was just thinking about something else, like daydreaming, it wasn’t really a blackout or absence, I was daydreaming. Thinking about very silly the least important thing in the world, while driving! WHILE DRIVING! I freaked out. And I thought: Oh my god, It wasn’t a seizure, I’;m just incredibly stupid and irresponsible person, because Instead of thinking about the process of driving I had a cat video playing in my mind! I could have killed someone or caused an accident. And when my attention came back to the car and the road I forgot what I’ve been thinking about. First I forgot to keep my eyes on the road, wait my eyes was on the road I have been looking, I just was not seeing it, because I was spaced out, distracted. So I googled that and I found an article about ADHD.
I always felt that i was different. But common everyone is different right. Maybe I am just very intelligent but extremely lazy, careless and forgetful. Nobody perfect, so what if I’m an absent minded person. Yes my brain get stuck sometimes, yes I am not able to drive, yes can not multitask but I need to multitask. I am just very smart and very dumb in the same time.
Sometimes I watch a movie or a video and I realized I wasn’t listening for past ?? how long was it? 2-3 min or 10 min? I can’t tell I don’t have sense of time at all. So i just go back 10 min to see if i already watched this part. I mean i watched it all but I wasn’t paying attention for some part. The funny part is that It is NOT a boring movie, it’s a good movie, and i am interested, I want to now what happened, It’s just my mind wandered off somewhere. I am an absent minded person. Well is not a big deal, at least I’not driving right? When your mind wanders off while driving that’s when problems starts. But I don’t have to drive, I can walk or take a bus. Not big deal.
But wouldn’t it be nice to remember. To remember when I’m done changing my kids diaper that I actually have been cooking, when I heard him crying and fussing. But No I will be like: so I’m done with baby, he is not crying, he can sit in his bouncer for sometimes, what should I do, Oh there let me take care of this toys laying around(or whatever else that will catch my eye). At this time my brain should be saying: Woman, weren’t you cooking when he started crying? Don’t you have something on your stove? Why are you sitting here folding laundry?
Well I went to psychiatrist Instead of neurologist. She said: oh that’s sounds like a safety issues, quiet dangerous, what if you will cause a fire? But no that doesn’t sound like ADHD it’s more like seizure to my opinion. You should go see neurologist. And you realize that I have to contact CPS looks like your kids are in danger.
Great. So I went to the doctor hoping that I am not stupid, lazy, careless, daydreaming idiot but someone with a treatable condition. But now CPS will come and they might take my kids away. No wonder my husband is pissed at me, no wonder nobody likes me. I don’t know what I was trying to say, I forgot. I forget in the middle of the sentence the topic of the conversation. And maybe there is nothing wrong with me, just a working memory of the fish.
i have a more, but writing this was exhausting