I thought that I maybe have ADHD, but I'm not sure


#1

Hello you! I am Nancy 27, mother of 2. Over the past couple of weeks I watched some videos about adhd, including howtoadhd. And that is why I am here now. And for sometimes I thought that maybe I have ADHD, but now im not sure anymore. Anyway here is some detail. So the next part Is something that I wrote and edited and reedited in a week. But if its not very clear I apologize in advance, first of all English is not my first language, and second I am not very good at things, including words.

I had this episode when I was driving, and then I had that feeling like like I woke up and I am holding the wheel and I am driving, like approaching the intersection. One second I passed an interception and now I’m already approaching next, like I was absent for whole block. So basically the amount of time which would be enough to pass one long block is missing. And it’s driving lesson so I wasn’t speeding. I don’t have very good sense of time. So I don’t know how long was it and but it was enough to scare me. I was like,where have I been, 30 seconds is gone I’m already in the end of the block in the last moment I was aware of was the beginning of the block. But the driving instructor didn’t seem to notice.

I went straight to my primary care physician. I’ve seen on TV about that micro seizures when you just kind of like Black out. In a show the patient had them but wasn’t aware because it was small and hardly noticeable. And because even my driving instructor didn’t notice, I thought that maybe I had something like that.

She was like okay so if you think that it’s seizures maybe you should see neurologist. But I’m a procrastinator and I was scared, so I didn’t go. Instead I started googling and I spoken to my dad about any neurological conditions in our family. But after sometimes I remembered that I wasn’t actually blacked out I was just thinking about something else, like daydreaming, it wasn’t really a blackout or absence, I was daydreaming. Thinking about very silly the least important thing in the world, while driving! WHILE DRIVING! I freaked out. And I thought: Oh my god, It wasn’t a seizure, I’;m just incredibly stupid and irresponsible person, because Instead of thinking about the process of driving I had a cat video playing in my mind! I could have killed someone or caused an accident. And when my attention came back to the car and the road I forgot what I’ve been thinking about. First I forgot to keep my eyes on the road, wait my eyes was on the road I have been looking, I just was not seeing it, because I was spaced out, distracted. So I googled that and I found an article about ADHD.

I always felt that i was different. But common everyone is different right. Maybe I am just very intelligent but extremely lazy, careless and forgetful. Nobody perfect, so what if I’m an absent minded person. Yes my brain get stuck sometimes, yes I am not able to drive, yes can not multitask but I need to multitask. I am just very smart and very dumb in the same time.

Sometimes I watch a movie or a video and I realized I wasn’t listening for past ?? how long was it? 2-3 min or 10 min? I can’t tell I don’t have sense of time at all. So i just go back 10 min to see if i already watched this part. I mean i watched it all but I wasn’t paying attention for some part. The funny part is that It is NOT a boring movie, it’s a good movie, and i am interested, I want to now what happened, It’s just my mind wandered off somewhere. I am an absent minded person. Well is not a big deal, at least I’not driving right? When your mind wanders off while driving that’s when problems starts. But I don’t have to drive, I can walk or take a bus. Not big deal.

But wouldn’t it be nice to remember. To remember when I’m done changing my kids diaper that I actually have been cooking, when I heard him crying and fussing. But No I will be like: so I’m done with baby, he is not crying, he can sit in his bouncer for sometimes, what should I do, Oh there let me take care of this toys laying around(or whatever else that will catch my eye). At this time my brain should be saying: Woman, weren’t you cooking when he started crying? Don’t you have something on your stove? Why are you sitting here folding laundry?

Well I went to psychiatrist Instead of neurologist. She said: oh that’s sounds like a safety issues, quiet dangerous, what if you will cause a fire? But no that doesn’t sound like ADHD it’s more like seizure to my opinion. You should go see neurologist. And you realize that I have to contact CPS looks like your kids are in danger.

Great. So I went to the doctor hoping that I am not stupid, lazy, careless, daydreaming idiot but someone with a treatable condition. But now CPS will come and they might take my kids away. No wonder my husband is pissed at me, no wonder nobody likes me. I don’t know what I was trying to say, I forgot. I forget in the middle of the sentence the topic of the conversation. And maybe there is nothing wrong with me, just a working memory of the fish.
i have a more, but writing this was exhausting


#2

My doctor said I had ‘high-functioning’ ADHD (as in, intelligent enough that it masks the symptoms for a long time, so it’s harder to spot, like not struggling in school, things like that), but even I have that happen to me regularly (which just reminded me that I should hang my laundry that finished… 2 hours ago…) Before getting on medication, I would be easily distracted all the time, tiny sounds or small movements would take my attention away from what I was doing, but I could still ‘pay attention OK (not well)’ because of the ‘high-functioning’ thing. But I definitively noticed it, and have gotten in trouble or upset people because of being distracted and they think I don’t care or wasn’t trying to pay attention, like in the middle of a conversation, I’ll randomly start talking about something else I was thinking about.

I would honestly get checked out for ADHD. It couldn’t hurt, right? And if you find out that’s your problem, and therapy or medication can help so you can safely take care of your kids, that’s great too, right? To me, it sounds like you might have ADHD ‘predominantly inattentive’:


#3

Thank you so much! The laundry part, I feel you, I never remember to get the laundry into the dryer until I open the washer to put a new set of laundry.
Yes I went to get checked, I went to psychiatrist and she said that I don’t have ADHD, and she will contact Child Protection Service because she thinks I can cause the fire. I told her I can not cook, I forget and burn the food every time I try. Same like laundry but the stove and fire involved. I am afraid to go to the doctor. If I keep going and insisting that its adhd they might think that I just want medication that im drug junkie or something. I love my kids, I don’t want to loose them.


#4

(((nancyn)))

This is awful :cry:

We had a family therapist once who was brilliant, we were really getting somewhere with communicating better with each other (mum, stepmum, 12 and 15 yr old kids). She was amazing, we called her the Family Whisperer. Then she disappeared, we think she maybe got the sack for not writing up every minute detail or something. Anyway, her replacement was scary. We admitted that I’d had a bit of a row with the 12 yr old and that he had stormed out and not come back till midnight and I was really scared until that point because I had (for about 5 minutes) locked the door behind him. Very stupid of me I know (this was nearly 10 years ago and believe me, I never did that again!). Anyway, this so called professional who was supposed to be gaining our trust to move forward on this kind of issue really flipped, and shrieked ‘and he’s how old?!’ and something about child protection then said that instead of coming to our house like they usually did, she wanted me and my partner to come to their office, without the kids. I was utterly convinced she was reporting us. In fact it turned out she didn’t and we stopped working with her because she was rubbish at her job and they had lied about their former colleague, first telling is she was ill then looking at us like we were mad when we asked after her health a month later.

Anyway, I really feel for you, nancy, is what I’m trying to say here!

Is there a different helath professional who can help you without accusing you of all sorts? This person has not been helpful at all, she has only made the situation worse and taken away your hope of sorting this out.

I hope you can find someone who can help you to turn this around. Is there someone you trust like a family doctor who has known you and your family for a long time? Or even a health visitor or someone who can’t actually help you directly with getting checked out for adhd but can reassure you that Dr x y or z will be different?

Good luck, and I wish you strength and courage :kissing_closed_eyes:


#5

Plus, you are probably overtired because you have young kids and this is also wiping out your ability to concentrate even more.


#6

Well, I should preface this with not being a professional psychologist or the like, but I’d like to inquire as to exactly what kind of person you’ve been seeing for this. Because a psychiatrist is usually NOT a person who specialises in ADHD and diagnostics in general, but in treatment of psychological issues using medication. Generally it’s a psychologist that will give you some actual questionnaires and tests to find out if you have ADHD and will diagnose you, then REFER you to a psychiatrist for potential medication treatment. If you go straight to a paychiatrist, it’s like asking for medication without a diagnosis, and they tend to be very rejecting of that idea, unless it’s extremely obvious (it often isn’t in girls and women due to a less obvious symptom pattern).

So I would suggest you talk with a psychologist, and tell him/her that you suspect you have ADHD after talking with some people who have it, and reading about it yourself, and seeing some simarities, and so you’d like to be tested for it.

In addition, if CPS hear that you’re seeing a psychogist to get cleared up for ADHD, and that that could very well explain things, they may see it as a positive, since it’s treatable. Although hopefully it won’t go that far, depending on the actions of the psychiatrist.

Honestly, I don’t think it’s fair that your husband is angry about it, you were just reaching out for help with something you realized you were struggling with, so you could be a better you, including a better wife and mother! (and driver😉) Hopefully he will be more supportive in the future…


#7

ADD (both the autistic and non autistic variants) feel rather like your brain is a rather yappy little dog that is interested in everything.

Some people will say “my dog does that sometimes too”, as they march down the street with their lazy, 10 year old Labrador, which sniffs a lamppost for a moment after which they give it a gentle tug and it continues down the street. The lamp post by the way which your little yappy dog had to be torn away from, only for him to veer across the pavement and embed himself into the nearest bush, where another dog had gone for a pee and right now he NEEDS TO SNIFF IT RIGHT NOW.

What people without this or the variant conditions don’t get is not that they don’t have moments of boredom and inattention. It is not that you can’t function as an adult - you have two children, and from the sounds of it you do a good job of it.

What people don’t get is that the dog will never ever stop pulling you. Ever. All you can do is tire him out and wait for him to go to sleep. As he gets older, he will be less agile, more able to focus on something besides the next thing to sniff, but mostly, he just finds closer things to sniff.

It is the tiresome nature of being the custodian to this stubborn, untrainable dog, and the fact that if you don’t control him, he is off down the street under a car, that makes this condition so draining. Then the guilt - the wasted time and effort that goes into keeping this dog on the pavement. The guilt for not being a better dog trainer. For feeling like you should have, and could have, but didn’t. And all the time, while all this is doing on, your brain-dog has found another lamppost and this time, it’s during time with your significant other.

The significant other responsible for the fact you have your life together at all. You are supposed to be paying attention to them, but for some reason, your brain is off thinking about how to build a program to track calories, or planning a space empire, or watching Broly for the nintieth time. Suddenly you feel self obsessed and selfish, and you are an awful person.

The dog feels guilt too, but not much.

That’s the sadness of this condition. If you associate with that feeling, not just with inattention, but that feeling of missing out because you are so focused on keeping yourself from doing stuff that right now you should not be doing… Then you have ADD.


#8

By the way, if you want to extend this analogy to children, imagine how hard it is for children to control the yappy dog, when they are so much smaller, and the dog is so much larger by comparison.


#9

To be fair, ADD no longer exists clinically, but is part of the ADHD spectrum, ‘predominately hyperactive’.


#10

I think this must vary from country to country! My understanding is that on the NHS in the UK, a psychologist CANNOT diagnose you with ADHD, they can certainly interview you and assess whether they suspect you have it, but to get an official diagnosis you actually do have to be referred to a psychiatrist (who ideally DOES specialise in diagnosing ADHD)!

So depending what country you are in, @nancyn, a psychiatrist may or may not be the right kind of professional to approach. But I absolutely agree with @Lustforlife that this particular individual that you approached was definitely not the right person so please seek a second opinion if you possibly can!

Sending all my positive vibes to you and your family! :crossed_fingers::hearts: :muscle:


#11

Wow, that’s interesting! Here (Norway) we must have a diagnosis from a psychologist, then go to a psychiatrist to discuss possible medication, dose, etc, as well as have everything, including side-effects, explained to us by the medication specialist psychiatrist.

Here psychiatrists are specialists in treatment using medication, but don’t generally diagnose psychology, that’s the job of the psychologist.:sweat_smile:

It would be useful to know where @nancyn is from, if she’s willing to share, so we can get her the best advice we can get, from someone in the same area as her, or even just the same country.:blush:

And also agree with @Lustforlife, that psychiatrist doesn’t seem very professional, and definitively not the right person. Please get a second opinion, @nancyn.:+1:


#12

Thank you so much for your answers! Thank you Lustforlife for your kind words made me feel much better. And you right it wasn’t a problem until my second was born.
@Marodir I see now that I went to a wrong professional. I live in NY USA , so here probably I should have seen a counselor first.
@NickM I can definitely relate to the dog thing. It feels like I have a huge dog that I am trying to get to a certain place but it keeps getting off the track and keep trying to just wonder off to a random direction. And before I used to be pretty good at it, or just didn’t care so much if I end up wondering away from the destination. Having kids changed me, now It’s critical to stay focused. But I can’t. No matter how hard I try.
But you know what my 4 years old, seems to remember things. She helps me find my phone that I just had in my hand and now lost for the fifth time this morning. She never loose things, she remembers where she left her doll, and why did I go to the kitchen. -sweetie why did I go to the kitchen?
-You said you gonna get me some juice mommy!
Oh right, I did. (Now who is taking care of who?)
So it’s not only focus. I struggle to remember what I was supposed to focus on. I feels like my memory resets every 5 min and I don’t remember what I have been doing, or what I meant to do. I forget what was the goal and where I have been heading to. It’s like disorientation. Is this also a symptom of ADHD? I hope it is, because when it happens I can’t stop thinking that it looks like ppl with Alzheimer’s I saw on tv. I’m 27 though, it’s too early for Alzheimer’s.


#13

Sadly never too early for Alzheimers, but it doesn’t sound like it… The memory problems might be from a lack of sleep and/or heavy stress and emotional problems because of all this stuff happening to you, and some of the other things could be ADHD. Remember, not everything can be explained by one thing, sometimes it’s a combination of several things😉 But you’re trying to figure things out, which is a great first step, and yeah, I would recommend talking to a regular doctor you trust, maybe they can recommend someone to talk to about ADHD. Or a counsellor or the like if you have one you trust, who might have some good suggestions.


#14

By the way, here’s an article from the CDC (I know it’s about kids, but…) discussing who actually makes the diagnoses in the US specifically:

It appears that psychiatrists do most of their diagnoses on kids younger than 6, while psychologists mostly diagnose kids older than 6, but over half were done by the regular doctors of the kids, not specialists, but using the officially recommended diagnostic tools.:blush::+1:
Hope you can get help from a medical professional (who takes you seriously and actually cares, unlike your previous experience) to help you deal with your struggles. And there are great doctors out there, you were sadly just a bit unlucky the first time.:sweat_smile::disappointed_relieved:


#15

Although it is true that early onset Alzheimers does exist, there is also an adhd explanation for the walking into a room thing. When we get there we see all kinds of stuff that distracts us, it happens to me a lot, and I’m 99% sure it’s mentioned in one of Jessica’s videos, but I don’t remember which one (oh, the irony :roll_eyes:). Plus, short term memory suffers bigtime from being exhausted and/or stressed.

My parents-in-law are of an age that they are paranoid about dementia, so I picked up a leaflet about memory problems at my oen doctor’s. It explained the differences between typical Dementia memory loss and ‘normal’ memory loss. The single most striking fact on this leaflet was that worrying about memory loss is a major cause of memory problems! So try to give yourself a break :grinning:

Seriously, you are on the right track, you are seeking help, you care about doing the right thing for your kids, all of these thinga will help you to fix this.

My meds help me a bit, but the longlasting change is probably from the help I get with learning to be kinder to myself and to plan more realistically.

Hang in there!

PS : is there anything you and your family and friends can change to allow you to get enough sleep? When my kids were little I spent 3 years with a sleep deficit, and I didn’t feel like I’d recovered until a year after they were both sleeping through the night.


#16

I’ve got predominant inattentive ADHD and relate to absolutely all of your symptoms, particularly the memory. I also used to wonder if I had early Alzheimer’s or a brain tumour or something, it was that bad. For me, without meds, I cannot write an email at work without forgetting what I’m doing literally every 30 seconds. It gets to the point where I have to put a post-it note on my computer screen which tells me exactly what I’m supposed to be doing - just to send an email.

For me, my problems driving were the last straw for seeking assessment. I was lucky that I already knew a lot about ADHD and was able to recognise that I had the symptoms, although I didn’t realise at the time that it could affect memory so bad. Definitely worth getting assessed.


#17

djelibeybi Is your memory better when you are on the meds?


#18

My working memory is, yeah! The meds don’t totally eradicate the problem but they do help hugely in that area, helping me to actually function. I’m still forgetful, but more like a regular person would be forgetful, not every 30 seconds.


#19

@djelibeybi @nancyn Found this related to a search for discussion in another thread, but might be really relevant here, regarding ADHD drugs use in ADHD and non-ADHD people. The conclusion is quite telling and interesting, noting that the medications mostly just corrects deficits, but don’t bestow much onto people who don’t have a deficit:


#20

Hello fellow brains. Just wanted to give you an update on March 5th I got officially diagnosed. After I started this topic I went to Licensed Mental Health Counselor that I have seen before for other reasons, so this time I told her that I think that I have ADHD. She suggested in very kind and polite manner that I should get focused and start doing and not looking for an excuses for myself, that she believe that I am very intelligent and resourceful young lady and should just stop winning and get myself together. And also she mentioned that on her opinion adhd doesn’t exist ( quote: made up disease) and I am absolutely fine, just need to work harder. But if I insist I can see a psychiatrist that works in the same office ( they have the same last name, I wonder if he is her dad). So I did, scheduled an appointment and went to see him.
So he is an older gentleman, he listened ( Thanks God finally someone listened to me) carefully what I had to say, asked questions, a lot of questions, answered mine and said that it’s all does sound like adhd to him! But if I want to start treatment I will need to stop breastfeeding ( I have 4 months old).
Honestly I expected a huge relief, I thought it will mean that I am not lazy, irresponsible or stupid, and it will instantly fix my self esteem problems. I wanted to know for sure if I have it. I was sure that I have it. But no, Instead I feel even more confused, turn out what I thought of my self all my life is just adhd symptoms and now where is adhd and where is me? What am I now? Should I stop breastfeeding my baby and get medication? Will it help me? Will it make me not me? My head is exploding with a bunch of questions. I am so confused now. I guess it will take time to adjust.
Now I realized that what I wrote here is different from what I planned to write, but I can’t remember what did I planned. Normally I would just get frustrated and delete all of it, but since it’s adhd forum, you might just relate to this and excuse me if I have wondered off the topic and didn’t make much sense.
Oh I remembered! I was trying to say that older male doctors could be great! Psychiatrist does the diagnose at least in my case he did and I’m in NY USA. And don’t give up, a lot of ppl have been telling me that I don’t have adhd and making up an excuse for my flaws, but no I did not!