I tried to make my life comfortable for me, and i think it's took a wrong turn somewhere.

Hello fellows. This started as a video comment, but i figured it should be a bit longer.

For the introduction - my name is Nick, i’m a 28yo guy living in western Russia. I never was officially diagnosed, but first i heard of me maybe-having-an-ADHD was around 10-12 years. I suppose, i’m never going to be officially diagnosed, because of Russia being a hate state for any kind of non-standart people, and anything official will sooner or later lead you to lacking of some rights. As if you had a lot of them here anyway.
Also, any ADHD medication is strictly prohibited here as precursors of amphetamine drugs anyway, so there is no benefit, only trouble of asking for help. And i generally hate asking for anything, because it puts me in some kind of debt. I really don’t like being in debt, as i always thought of it like being some kind of enslaved. First for an hour, then for a day, then you shut your eyes for a second and there is like 40 years of debts, so it gets easier to go out in blaze than to repay.
So, i have to tackle my troubles all by myself. Let’s start my introduction with “i’m familiar with that”.

Original comment i was going to post under one of early videos(the one about why we can focus on games, and there was an idea of getting mostly negative feedback in real life, which kind of triggered me to think about it) was:

"I kinda figured i hate school. Then education at all. Then full time jobs. Then being self-employed. Then making my things by myself. In between - i figured i hate judgmental people. And weather, and roads, and all kinds of stuff. I almost hate to go outside at all, and i’m pretty sure i’m going to hate sitting all day at my pc very soon, since trading stocks is boring, and i feel running out of interesting stuff on the net. I went to 112kg of weight(because i hated the lack of feeling good), then reduced to 71(because i hated being fat) meanwhile. I hate to earn, and i hate to spend.
I probably have one of the biggest walls of awful there ever were, because i was really hyperfocused in my ingenuity to live without everything i hated, and i tried a lot. I have a lot of skills with almost zero motivation to use any of them right now. Sometimes i think that i built myself the perfect custom-fitted prison.
Also, looks like i almost never had positive feedback in real life. Or it was like a lot of dB quieter than negative.

*I like games. But sometimes i feel that i force myself to play a game, because it’s not giving me enough new feedback anymore to feel good about it - but the other options of what to do with my time are ever worse. *
I never got really good at them, or probably anything for that matter."

I want to expand that thought, and maybe tell my story more, if somebody’s interested.
Please sorry if my thoughts sound inconsistent, as it’s a bit hard for me to concentrate my thoughts while tackling a foreign language.

It always was like this: I try to do something. It’s okay as long as it goes well. When it stops going well, i have maybe 3-5 tries before something shuts my motivation to do that completely. Each being more and more desperate.
I learn very quickly, so i tried a lot of stuff. It’s not too hard when you can google up how to do or make almost everything. But i always lose all my motivation in every single work process. Like, i know(or knew, but forgot) how to do it, but i don’t want to anymore. Building houses, fixing cars, hauling loads, whatever. Not like a true master of that art would have done it, but enough to call it done and usable.
I ended up quitting almost every community i ever participated in, because sooner or later i got some arguements with them, and then there were judgements, and then there were meltdowns, and sometimes i was scared of possible outcomes(yep, ferrari with bicycle brakes here) afterwards, so it’s basically safer to be alone.
I had to grow acceptance, because i had no way to not live in unfinished projects. I suppose, i don’t even care anymore about anything around being unperfect. Or unfinished. As long as it doesn’t actively cause discomfort.

So, i basically live in a garage i built myself in the country, at some distance from town i was born in. I don’t have a lot, but not a dollar of debt. I have little to no expenses apart from power, heat and food. Almost nothing makes me get out against my will.
I had to develop a discipline to get any material and emotional baits out of my sight. So, no shops, no comments sections, attempts of incoming information filtering on myself, etc.

Then, that’s the time when a headline gets there. I’m not sure where that road leads me. It’s a life i dreamt about when i was feeling overwhelmed by stuff i hated. “I want all this out of my life!” And now, when all i hated is out, sometimes i feel that there is not so much left in it.

But there were reasons why i wanted it to stop, aren’t they? I felt genuinely bad when encountered every single situation i don’t want to get back to. It’s said that “first step to stop hating something or someone is to get closer to it”, but i don’t really want to, because i remember the discomfort, and sometimes even pain, when i already tried.

I fear that my own judgment became more of black-and-white type. I processed so much information that it was hard to accept a shade of gray for every single thing i heard. I recognise this problem, but it’s not like you can reload a lifetime of info and reevaluate every single fact.

I am curious about another people like me, who had similar problems.

Well, i have to stop for now, it’s becoming harder to focus. Thanks to everyone who had one to read through all that puddle of thoughts. You’re the best!

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I can relate to a lot of what you shared, including not being motivated to continue with things and also struggling at times to get out or interact. I find that I’ve started and stopped many projects, and started and stopped many relationships/friendships over the years. They say that one of the few consistent things about ADHD is how inconsistent it is.

I would say that in general it’s important to be kind to yourself. Acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can. And also take time to figure out what matters to you. What do you want for yourself in your life? Are you getting your needs met? Sometimes we have expectations for ourselves that aren’t really in line with what we truly want or need. We compare ourselves to standards that other people have, when really we can be happy with less. Find out for you what really means a lot and what you need to fight for in order to be happy.

Welcome to our community. I hope you find some good support here. :slight_smile:

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Thanks for your kind answer.
Thing is - there are controversies. In my childhood and youth i was always told that i am incredibly talented and smart as hell, and developed kinda high self-esteem. Which, i should admit, really doesn’t help in down-to-earth work. Which is in fact highly needed to achieve anything at all - and hard for me to perform. I feel not being rewarded enough for it.
Internally, i mean, as brain rewards. I don’t feel pleased with myself. Which leads in the end to not being rewarded at all - internally by myself, externally by recognition and payment, and whatever else pleasant there is.
I struggle with keeping both that facts in one head.

After some attempts of figuring out how to live a life, i came to the thought that in the end i just wanted to be left undisturbed, but now it doesn’t look like i really wanted it.
But at the same time all the other options i tried looked even less wanted by me.
I feel like being out of options left for trying.

Probably, the least what i want from life is “stop being worried”. Probably not like “left alone”, more like “not needed to make decisions every now and then and be able to relax knowing no bad things come to me”.
But i don’t know exactly how i can do it. If i’m tired of making decisions, then someone should make them for me. And i hate the thought of that. All my life i rebelled against it, because i felt abused. Probably, i just don’t trust anybody enough.

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Привет, Николай, добро пожаловать в племя!
Не волнуйтесь, ваш английский язык намного лучше моего русского.
Моя девушка из Уфы, я пытаюсь выучить русский с 15 лет, но мне нужен Google Translate … :roll_eyes:

I had a similar reaction, over a much longer period of time. I gradually weaned myself off things which provoked a negative outcome to my life.
Things like people, ambitions, uncomfortable situations…

Like you, that was after being the guy who was supposed to finish school and contribute greatly to the world, with very high expectations.

If I had followed expectations, by now I’d be famous for inventing a new colour, or a different flavour of soup, or making oxygen more efficient.

Didn’t happen.

So I slowly crawled into my box, and haven’t really come out again since then.

It’s a real shame… Nobody can live in a vacuum, and you still have time to reverse the direction you’ve gone.

The difference is that I never knew anything about ADHD until age 49. By then it was too late to do anything about it, or at least, more difficult.

You can’t take back time…

So I would hope for your sake, and for the rest of the world, that you at least think about taking yourself out of your prison (you shouldn’t have to punish yourself, and it is punishment you are facing here), and making small moves to rejoin the world.

You probably know this already, but I’ve said it anyway.

And you probably also know that it’s easier to say than do. But as they say, “each journey of a thousand miles, starts with the first step”.

It can definitely be difficult when the entire nation is in a place which puts you on the defensive.

Without getting into politics, modern Russia is a disappointment to me… You guys are in a place I’ve seen before… As an example, many countries in South America have just continued to swing completely from one extreme of politics, to allow the entire opposite side of extremism to take control, and the feeling is “what can we do about it? That’s just life”.

I sincerely hope that Russia (and many other countries that are in a similar boat, not mentioning any names) eventually get to a point where moderation and justice become the rule, not the exception.

But in the end, it’s what you do personally, that will affect your life. It’s your choices, however limited, that define your own future.

Living in a box is no fun. That’s coming from somebody who lives in a box, but would be happy to come out of the box now.

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Thanks for your insight!
Unfortunately i don’t have enough time right now to answer properly, but i try to in a couple of hours. For now - main parts of the answer, okay? :slight_smile:

Not a bit of arguement here. Russia was my main source of anxiety for like 8-10 last years. There even was a time when i was trying to be a pro-change public activist of some sort.
That didn’t go well. I probably became more bitter and anti-social after that. Started to think people deserve that state for their passivity and so on.
Part true, part coping mechanism, you probably can tell.

I’m not really sure i can achieve something around “developing more efficient oxygen” anymore. That would require too much refocusing to a single narrow cone of view. Probably, the best i can do for the world now is being a bit more succesful trader, to become an investor. In something world-changing, you know, not for maximising income like now.
But i’m having some inside fight. Part of me blames the world for what state it is now. I don’t know now to deal with it right now. It tells me i wasted my time trying to fix it, or a part of it. It’s very bitter, that part.

Okay, have to go, try to answer later today. Thanks again! :slight_smile:

P.S. One more short thing. Right now, three days after i discovered Jessica’s channel, i am feeling a bit overwhelmed by amount of info. If i really want to make a step to figuring out how to manage my condition, i need a first step, and right now i’m not sure what to start from.

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When I first found out that I have ADHD, I hyperfocussed on it. Read plenty, including Jessica’s videos.

Then something snapped. I made a conscious/unconscious decision to completely ignore anything about ADHD. I didn’t know how long that would happen, but I knew I needed time for my subconscious to absorb the huge implications.

So I smoked weed and played computer games for a few days. Didn’t think about ADHD at all.

Then, one day I knew the time was right without thinking about it, and got back into my research. I think that’s when I found these forums.

Don’t be shy about just living your life, and turning your back on ADHD if you feel the need to.

It’ll be there when you come back.

I can imagine. I’ve been a backyard, amateur activist myself, mostly to my cat, because nobody else seems to give a sh!t if the world goes to hell. And honestly, my cat doesn’t seem that highly motivated either.

Mostly I just say things to myself. “Can’t these clowns see what’s happening? Why do they believe this rubbish? It’s just like Germany in 1932 again… Why are we letting this stuff happen again and again?”

I’ve been banging that drum for 30+ years now, and things have only gotten worse.

Some things are better, but if I’m going to bitch and moan, positive things aren’t helpful to do that.

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Lucky you :slight_smile: I can’t smoke or drink. My second source of income is being a truck owner-operator, and i have to be roadworthy at any time of day. Also, it’s too easy for me to fall to addiction. I’ve been there. I smoked tobacco since 13, i also drank a lot. Not smoking for around 7 years, and not drinking at all for ~10 months now.
It was an experience, though. I believe that quitting those made me stronger.

I suppose, i already been on that step. I had a lot of thoughts about ADHD somewhere around winter 2019 - and i tended to see it as my strong side, something good i have that others don’t have. Like the hyperfocus ability, and amount of energy i have on my good days.
I’m like two completely different men on good and bad days. And it doesn’t require too much to turn a good one to bad - one bad encounter, or bad news, up to ridiculous situations like “I sat to watch a football game, my team lost, and now my whole evening sucks, and it wasn’t even my own fault”.
Well, it could be other way around also, but not so easily - i have to find fitting distractions, and sometimes there is no willpower left to do that.

And it’s just now when i had a thought: what if i could control that abilities, instead of them controlling me? That’s what led me here.

Heh, cats are just wired that way. I suppose, part of me wanted to think like my cat. I even feel some connections between how my whole essence works now and how my cat’s one does. I mean, it’s a lot easier for me to sneak and pounce on something i want to achieve, not outrun it like a dog does, right? :slight_smile:

I actually was a part of a political organisation back then. A volunteer. I spoke to people on streets, helped the organisation with transportation, donated money, etc. I can’t say i didn’t really try to make everything better. It’s just you can’t compete with Vlad’s personal corporation of a country. It felt like trying to outpush a car. Now i suppose i just wait for it to corrode itself.
Or maybe even lost any interest about what happens to it, as long as there is a bit more humane world behind my screen. Especially since i can be a part of it now via stock market.

Okay, enough of that bitter-political-BS. I really don’t want it to dominate my life, and my topic here as well, despite it being obnoxiously intrusive by it’s nature.
I have to go exercize a bit now, and then i try to figure out what i can start my self-treratment with.

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Good work on your sobriety and thank you for sharing your insights! I had been trying to learn Russian Alphabet (call it an ADHD hyperfocus), but ADHD struck and I stopped so I cannot respond in Ryssian, unfortunately but can relate in many ways!

Have you taken up any new interests?! Ones that do seem to keep you stimulated or interested long enough?

I went to school for accounting and never found enough interest in stocks, I suppose because I havent earned from them. Though I have gambled at a casino, thank goodness I moved or I’d be there all the time! Just as fast as losing money as stocks I think!

Best,

Harmony

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One cliche I keep coming back to, is that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

I had high hopes for Russia with the fall of the CCCP. I knew that it would take time, but I felt that Russia deserved better than it had gotten for pretty much its entire history, with only a few periods of enlightened rule.

I still have hopes, but can’t imagine an appropriate timetable.

I’m still waiting for a political organisation that makes sense, is flexible enough to handle change, and isn’t run by… Politicians. I might be waiting a while.

I operate what is essentially a big, complicated chemical plant. I get drug and alcohol tested for employment, and then randomly after that. Nobody wants their $300m poison gas bomb to explode due to human error, they can be funny that way.

I barely drink these days, but I do smoke weed from time to time, so I have to be careful. Never at work though.

Unfortunately, before I knew I had ADHD, it was the only thing that would stop the wheels from turning 24 hours a day. So I still have a soft spot for it now, which can be a problem.

Congrats on quitting tobacco. It’s not an easy one to give away. Actually, I can say it’s really easy to quit… I’ve done it many times!

I drank enough when I was younger to sink the Battleship Potemkin, but it was only ever social. Now, I don’t drink very often at all.

I think cats are a lot like people, but without the occasional malice or fragile egos. You have to earn a cat’s trust before they’ll fully give it to you. But they are definitely born hunters too. Very, very good at it. Also like people, I guess. :laughing:

I learned the Cyrillic alphabet when I was about 15. I liked codes and that sort of thing, so I was attracted to the squiggly letters. The alphabet is not so hard to learn, sort of. I used to write my secret notes using Cyrillic, but in Spanish (I learnt Spanish while I was traveling), because I didn’t know enough Russian.

Now, I can speak a little Russian, but my spelling is rotten, I can’t really write without looking like a two-year-old.

I can definitely recommend the Pimsleur courses for language.

Their idea is that you generally only use around 200 words regularly. So the audio courses have you learning and repeating those, while building a larger vocabulary as well. Pretty effective, and the easiest language courses I have ever tried.

I’ve actually done really well with blackjack at casinos. Almost always came out ahead, never lost more than I could afford. But gambling never did it for me. It was nice to have the extra spending money, but I never got too excited about it. It was all just rules and numbers, so I was able to stay clinical with it, just follow the rules.

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Hello, and thanks!
Same thing with me and my Swedish. I may be able to pronounce Ikea labels more or less correctly, but far from actually understanding anything :slight_smile:

It seems like i find one every now and then. Always spontaneously. I can’t really force it. Just get bored, spend some time bored, and then somehow i grasp a tiniest bit of interesting info somewhere - and then i end up a week or two later with some knowledge, and, most possibly, lack of motivation to continue it further.

Some interests come back eventually. Some don’t. I stopped forcing myself to try to finish anything. There would be time for what’s worth it, and if there’s not - it just wasn’t worth it probably.
Well, this rule has a side effect: i really can’t invest in hobbies, because it will result in massive financial losts, and cluttering. So most of the time i end up grabbing cheapest ingredients there is, and try to make something of it.
This spring i had a little quarantine project, for example. I got a dirt cheap motorbike which had a crash, lacked any papers, and had to be took apart, completed, fixed and tuned up a bit. Most people around me thought that’s a lost cause. I spent a month fixing the bike, and two more fixing the paperwork, and it is usable now. Well, still not pretty, as i lacked motivation to get acquainted with fiberglass forming technology, and therefore it lacks some fairings and a new paint. But i guess i will return to it some day. Or maybe not - time will tell :slight_smile:

Also already have a little old car rebuild project in my backyard, but looks like it has to wait till next spring. I usually have an energy spike when spring comes, and it’s the best time to do something massive and complicated.
And in the fall there’s usually a low point. Actually i was pretty low the day i started the topic. Looks like i’m not right now.

It seems to change fast, isn’t it? Are you guys experience this all the time like i do?

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It will take time. Just probably a generation or two more, if the end of the world won’t be there sooner. Problem was people not really changing. Not just communists in rule became capitalists as soon as it seemed fit for them. Soviet state was all about differentiation - and not just at workplaces. Ordinary people got used to outsource thinking processes to soviet state. They needed someone to hand them jobs, criterias and overall meaning of why they get up at morning. When suddenly there was no one to think for them, too much collapsed. Not just the state, but too many households. They remember that time and fear it. They need someone to make decisions for them. So, eventually here came Vlad, and you know the rest.
Most of people impacted by this are nearing their late years now, but probably their children heard about this time too much from them, or seen the troubles their parents had to deal with. So i hope for a generation born in late 90’s, or 00’s, all probably going to change when there will be their prime time.

It happens to anyone, i don’t see anything wrong with it :slight_smile: Nobody started using a perfect language skills from the start, right?

I had English at school, probably got basics in it. But most of my knowledge came from videogames, and occasional conversation on some game-modding forums back in ~2005-2010. It’s just slightly expanding now, i suppose. Mostly when i discover new activities and have to research it.
By the way, English is much more useful than Russian in the research. At least, for now.
There’s no russian ADHD community, for example. Or, at least one that at least looked worth the title.

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I always love dealing with bureacracy. :roll_eyes:

Yes. My house is full of half finished projects, tools, machinery, bits of wood, soldering irons and circuit boards.

I usually start a project when I’m not working, order components from a Chinese website, wait a month for it to arrive. Then, I’m working again, and don’t have time (often I don’t have motivation either) to finish them. Usually, I’ve moved on to my next project already.

Mt current project is building a flight simulator. I started trying to program one from scratch, and then the cockpit, but then I changed my mind. Now I’m just building the cockpit, and tieing it into some existing simulator software.

I’ve assembled some of the components, but still have to put it all together and interface it with the software. My current plan is to make part of it out of bamboo (just to be different, and cheap). But I only recently planted the bamboo in my garden. :laughing:

By the way, Russians program the best flight simulator software!

I have found though, that with medication I have been able to focus on projects for longer.

I swear that many Russians I’ve spoken with still think that Stalin is listening in on the phone, or in the background. The sorry thing is that I can’t say they are wrong, given Uncle Vlad’s previous career, and his way of thinking. I can’t blame anyone for being cautious with that history.

Russia went very rapidly from communism to capitalism. But in the west, we’ve had capitalism for a long time now, and it evolved and built itself over that time here. We have legislation and regulations to protect people from its worst excesses. Not always effectively, but the “checks and balances” are there, at least in theory.

When the Communist Party fell in Russia, there was a complete vacuum, chaos. Capitalism was grabbed by the horns, fully. But the checks and balances were not there, and opportunists made huge amounts of money very quickly, without a social conscience.

I think one of the problems in many countries of the former Soviet Union is that the social conscience which was once forced on people, is now completely lacking in the capitalism that has replaced it.

There have been attempts to make some kind of effort, but it’s still mostly missing.

People talk about “the Russian Mafia” like it’s an underground organisation, a group working in the shadows. But it’s now basically twisted into government, and business. There is almost no difference now between legal, and illegal.

Anyway, enough of my thoughts on your country, which I have never even visited, so what would I know? I’ve been to Ukraine, and have studied Russian history for a long time, but I still haven’t even walked down a street in Russia.

It’s true. The newer generations will not be as inclined to accept what their parents think is normal.

Many, many young Russians are traveling these days, and seeing the world. Seeing a new perspective. Getting ideas…

Yes, it makes us English speakers a little lazy, when we expect the rest of the world to speak English.

But it looks like our kids may have to learn Mandarin in the future…

I think the French are still a little unimpressed that French hasn’t been the international language for a long time now… It was… Now it isn’t.

Times change.

That’s funny… Learning Swedish from Ikea labels… :laughing:

I learnt most of my German as a kid watching old war movies. So if I go to Germany, I can ask them to put their hands up, and surrender.

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Well, not from labels. I used some youtube and swedish educational sites. It’s just my knowledge allows only to read labels. Mostly correctly, i suppose :slight_smile: Well, it was a rather short trip together.

I learned my share of German from some NDH musik like Rammstein, Eisbrecher, Oomph!, Unheilig, etc. Not the conversation level too, but my German understanding surely beats my Swedish. I might guess what other people said based on some words i get.

Do you like fighter simulators, or commercial ones?
I used to fly a bit using IL2 Schturmovik game, and just a keyboard. Just for fun, maybe ten years ago. I remember being able to pull some flying back then, but when i last tried the game couple of months ago i couldn’t even remember the takeoff sequence, or rather keys i needed to press. So, no simulated flying for me right now.

My neighbor has a ultralight trike, and i help him a bit with maintainence sometimes. He flies frequently, but i still hadn’t. I had a chance one day, but it was a very sad day for me, and i passed. Looks like we missed the weather now, it’s already got too cold.

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Aloha Space_Ivan,

Learning languages is certainly something I’m interested in but haven’t even thought of Swedish! I think it would bode well for travels around the globe, (space too, name pun lol). What brought you to learn Swedish? We don’t have Ikea in Hawaii, but when I lived in the mainland (continental U.S.) I heard they had them near where I lived in Washington State. I certainly think labels are a great way to practice what we are attempting to master in other languages. It is a fun hobby for me. I’m learning so I can incorporate it for students I work with who do not have English as their first Language.

I quite relate actually, Interests, I suppose that was a question we would all answer relatively similar, hard to stay focused on just one let alone finish it! I feel that way when I used to play video games or sewing projects or crocheting, that sort. Like you, I start and then once that euphoric and serotonin rush dissipates, the attention subsides. I also totally agree with letting ideas and interests ebb and flow, and how investing in any sort of “attention grabbing hobby” results in expenditures and clutter and secretly I love crafting so I am always trying to have set places for where things go so I can keep my crafty clutter lol.

So I am wondering, was the intention to get the bike pretty, or were you sort of “following where your brain takes you?” - that’s how I would best describe things I get excited to work at. I guess call me a girl or poet but there is something beautiful that you took a bike no one else saw purpose for, and it served the purpose and sort of visions you held for it while it did/does. My best friend used to fix street bikes of the sort, hope to see your bike through it’s progress, but if you also want to keep it hidden until it is completed, --your own sort of ‘dreams to keep,’ I 10,000% understand that also! When and if you decide, no pressure :slight_smile:

I notice that within myself also, I have my low points and quiet moments, daydream drift off during the day, and then other times I can get extremely hyperactive.

August and summer is usually the highest points of clarity for me, June however, is always a difficult time for me and I always get a little foggy. I think recognizing spring as your productive time is important, it wasn’t until this past summer I realized how much more focused and clear things are for me during late summer and beginning of fall.

Thank you for the connection and your story :slight_smile:

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Aloha Smoj,

Cyrillic alphabet is quite beautiful isn’t it? I’ve much more to go, so maybe the fact both of you know the language, will encourage me to persist! Spanish is also beautiful! I had put equal effort in also learning spanish. I am learning Spanish, Hawaiian, Russian, and others when I can through duolingo, to help myself when I work with students who do not have English as their first language.

Lol, we can have Russian handwriting competitions, for whose looks more childlike lol. I actually read something that said Cursive is the dominant way that Russian is written, do you know this to be true also?

I will look into Pimsleur courses, I think it sounds relatable with a baseline knowledge of words and building vocabulary! Looks as though I have some content to focus my studies :slight_smile:

Black jack is one of the things I learned first, but I’ll admit I think I met more slot machines haha! I can see the relationship you have with coding and rules and numbers when you mention gambling and learning Cyrillic alphabet! I wonder, do you design websites?

Thank you for the welcome!

Best,

Harmony

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Kia ora! From another Polynesian language…

I learnt from a book, so I basically write as it’s printed, not cursive. In some ways, I have a hard time reading Russian cursive writing.

But mostly, I’ve only ever used it to read street signs, menus etc. which are generally in block letters anyway.

Surprisingly, the most I’ve had to use Russian was in places like Thailand and Vietnam.

In Nha Trang, Vietnam, for example, there are so many Russian tourists that even some of the parks have the signs in Russian. If a Caucasian looking bloke sits down in a restaurant, they assume I’m Russian, and give me a menu in Russian. Nha Trang has a long association with the former Soviet Union, since the second Indochina War (The Vietnam War, or the American War, depending on your perspective).

It can be similar in parts of Thailand, most Russians flock to Pattaya or Phuket in homogenised tour groups. But they are starting to branch out in all directions now.

I studied “Interactive Multimedia” at a time when the World Wide Web was just starting to kick in. I had an argument with the lecturer about one particularly useless study unit, and asked if we could change it to HTML instead. No dice.

So I never learnt much about website construction. I can muck about with WordPress as well as any other amateur, but it’s not my strength. I was always more into 2D and 3D graphics.

You do have ADHD, don’t you! :laughing:

Once you learn one language, it makes the others easier. For example, I learned Spanish in about a year. Then I learned Portuguese in about three months. I considered myself to be pretty fluent in both. I can more-or-less understand Italian now, and French. I even had a conversation with a guy in Romanian, using a mixture of words from different languages, mostly Spanish.

The key to those languages is that they are all Romantic languages, based largely on Latin, as former Roman territories.

And then ancient Greek has similarities too.

They won’t help you much with languages like Arabic, or Mandarin though.

The Russian Cyrillic alphabet was invented based on the Greek alphabet, adapted for Slavic pronunciation.

And then there is commonality. How would you say “Taxi” in Turkey? I don’t know, but I’m guessing it would be something like “Taxi”.

The 1000% best way to learn a language, is to go somewhere that only speaks that language, and starve if you don’t learn it. That’s how I learned Spanish.

I knew a couple of guys who spent three months in Ecuador, going to Spanish language classes. One guy spoke better Spanish than I did after a year. My accent and informal slang was better, his grammar was better.

Where do you get cheap furniture which falls apart if you ever move house from? :slight_smile: Ikea can be good bang for your buck, but it has a tendency to fall apart and not come back together so well if you move it around. I’ve got a stack of it!

I’ve more or less run out of room in my garage. My lounge is full of stuff, I can’t even get into my office, and I’m thinking of building a shed so I can move it all out of the house, and fill the house with new crap. :laughing:

Me too. Post pics! @Space_Ivan

I had a plan to buy an Indian made Royal Enfield, and take it from India through “The Stans”. Pakistan, Afghanistan, Turkmenistan etc. Across Russia, and sell it somewhere in Europe. Yeah… Plans, plans, plans.

I also looked into old Soviet-era bikes like the Ural. Some of the bikes (specifically the ones based on the old BMW “K” series bikes looked pretty interesting I recall…

Here’s another piece of Google bait for you… Look into “Seasonal Affective Disorder” Or, appropriately, “SAD”.

I have enjoyed the civil simulators such as Microsoft Flight Simulator (got the new one, it’s promising) and X-Plane.

But I do enjoy watching things explode, so I’m into combat sims like DCS World (the base game is free) and the modern iterations of IL2 - Sturmovic (Known as IL2 - Battle of Stalingrad, although there are various modules expanding it).

I prefer the simplicity of WW2 mainly piston engined aircraft, and IL2 delivers those well.

But my cockpit is loosely based on the FA-18E, a more modern and complex jet aircraft, which is available in DCS, as well as several WW2, Korean War and Vietnam era aircraft from many nations.

My cockpit will be largely compatible with other aircraft, but optimised for the FA-18.

One of the things I enjoy about DCS, is seeing how the Soviet aircraft designers used a different design philosophy to the Americans, and they all have different strengths and weaknesses.

DCS and IL2 are insanely good with a virtual reality headset. But you pretty much need a joystick to fly. You can use a keyboard and mouse, but meh…

Ha ha… I guessed, but I liked the idea…

I had some artist friends who invited me to an underground art show. One of the art installations was a group of guys under harsh halide lighting, smashing an old car to pieces with hammers, to the tune of Einstürzende Neubauten. I was off-my-chops drunk, and thought it was great!

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Well, it was, but you know how hard it is to do as planned to the end. As soon as bike could run, i figured out it’s strong sides - it’s really simple, light, narrow profiled, consumes little and great at traffic filtering.
I have other bike with similar story, i rebuilt it three years ago. It’s completely different - more powerful, but a lot more bulky, lower, etc. One for city, one for highway, you could say :slight_smile: Both are as old as i am.
Also my wife started to learn how to ride, so it was really useful at a time.
I don’t have a good picture at the start, but here’s how it looks now:

So, told myself “i’ll do the rest in winter”. Perhaps i will, there’s not too much to do in winter here anyway.

I’m pleased that there is something poetic in it in your opinion :slight_smile: For me it was initially just a challenging undertaking of some sort. You probably know the feeling - we generally like challenges, it makes us feel a bit more alive. For me that’s 100% true.
Well, except when i try too much a challenge. But i try my best not too.

The season thingy probably could be explained through our expectations. It’s like “Oh, winter is coming, soon there’ll be cold, expensive and nothing to do” and it’s easier to let any minor failings on top of that to spoil your mood. Kind of synergy. Like peaks on top of bigger peaks on some kind of chart. When in spring it’s the other way - like peaks on the bottom of bigger dips.
Also there are stocks. It’s easier to fail in your everyday life when it’s your profit gaining week, and vice versa. I think of it as a medium sized peaks and dips on that chart.

Well, we do curse a lot… :slight_smile:
It is taught at schools, but not everyone continues to use cursive in their everyday life. We write less and type more. I prefer something in between myself. Like some letters are cursive, some block, and there’s no connection between them. My father seems to use something like that as well.
I’m pretty sure he has ADHD too, but more of inattentive type, while i am more of hyperactive type.

I can confirm the every word of that :slight_smile: Well, i have only a garage and living room, but the rest is totally same with me. I tried to make some shelfs but things tend to get on floor somewhere around the place they are used now. I probably need a tool trolleys of some kind, but those are considered professional equipment and are pretty pricey. And i lack motivation to make ones myself for now.

I’m not familiar with Royal Enfields, but been around old soviet Urals, IZH, Jawas, etc. It’s probably not as bad a bike as they are known as, but you really need one that wasn’t in hands of four generations of self-taught mechanics. Which is all too common here, since there were no alternatives back then. Every single one of them tends to be unique, and most of the time in a bad way.
My friend had an IZH like 5 years ago, and he was pushing that bike more time than it was pushing him.

I suppose :slight_smile:
Never been at any shows myself, but i like music. I even play guitar and bass a tiny bit. Made my own bass, by the way, from my friend’s old one that was lying stripped in his shed. I have pictures of start and finish of that journey :slight_smile:

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I read the autobio of Japanese WW2 ace Saburo Sakai some time ago. It was adressed there a lot. The difference between philosophies, i mean. Not just aircraft or tactics.

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True enough. Except, I find when I’ve gotten on top of a challenge, my curiousity disappears, and I move onto something else.

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That looks good! A Yamaha? You don’t need a fairing for that, it looks good without one. But I guess riding in winter wouldn’t be much fun without one…

You’d like Australia then! Here, it’s possible to form a coherent sentence with multiple swearwords, and only one or two non-swearwords.

Some people say that swearing shows a lack of vocabulary. But if you use swearwords like punctuation, you can gain an incredible range! :laughing:

I went to so mant schools as a kid, and each new teacher who tried to teach me cursive writing would forever tell me “No, that’s not how you do an ‘R’, you do it like this…”.

Then, I’d go to another school, and they’d teach me a completely different way to write an ‘R’. So it all just ended up muddy, to the point where I could barely even read my own cursive writing, let alone anyone else.

So now, I just write in block capitals. Easy. Neat. Readable.

I hear you! I have a habit of buying storage boxes, or tool boxes, that sort of thing, so I can organise everything. Then, I find that the box I’ve bought doesn’t fit all the components, or it’s the wrong size, or otherwise inconvenient. So now I have a collection of mostly empty boxes. Maybe I need a bigger box for those? I’ll just look on eBay… :roll_eyes:

That’s kind of the reason I was interested in them. Traveling through Peshawar, for example, it would be unlikely that I’d find a nicely stocked warehouse full of spare parts for whatever bike I chose.

But… Guys in goaty little villages can have incredible ingenuity. Where a westerner would wait a few weeks, and pay $300 for the factory original part, those guys will make a part that works out of a beer can and a hammer, with a cigarette hanging out of their mouth. And it will only cost you enough for the guy to buy his next hit of opium.

Sure, you might have a bit of smoke coming out of it, and an oil leak following you down the road. But the guy in the next village also likes opium, and he’s got a beer can too!

When the British were kicked out of India in 1947 (I think), they took over the old British factories. One company in India at that time made “Enfield” motorbikes (same company that made the Enfield rifles). The Indians continued manufacturing these old bikes, and called them “Royal Enfield”.

The quality was not great, and old technology. A friend of mine used to call them “Royal Oilfields” because of the constant leaking.

The company is still going, and has gone a long way towards improving the quality of manufacture, and added new models.


Is it a bike from the 1950s? No. This is a 2020 model with electronic ignition, and other modern features.

Nice! The first photo looks very much like my first bass guitar, which is still the one I play the most. Except mine is crappier, and still has a 5c coin stuck under the bridge to hold it up because the screws are too rusted to adjust the height…

Your bass looks much nicer now!

It was just a CD playing, while guys smashed the car in time with the beat. Not really my taste, but fun to watch anyway.

I haven’t read that book yet, but it’s on my list.

When he was with the Hainan Kotukai, he flew from Rabaul in New Britain, against Australian pilots in New Guinea.

At that stage of the war, the US hadn’t arrived in any great numbers yet, and Australia only had 24 semi-modern fighter aircraft to fight the same air fleet that attacked Pearl Harbour, and other elite Japanese squadrons.

After 44 days, only three flyable Australian aircraft flew home, after many replacement aircraft and pilots, that’s all that was left of the squadron (75 Sqn RAAF). But they’d beaten the Japanese.

The Aussie pilots flew P-40E aircraft. Big, heavy, well armoured. big guns. The Japanese aircraft were small, light, largely unarmoured. And they could outfly any allied aircraft at that time, very easily. Much more maneuverable, and they had incredible range.

The Aussie pilots found that it was pretty much instant death if they got into a dogfight with those zeros.

So they started using other tactics.

They were heavier, so better in a dive. They would try to gain altitude, and the zoom through a Japanese formation, and fire, then escape to come back again.

If they tried to turn against a Zero, they had no chance. But the unarmoured Zeros would only need one bullet in the unsealed fuel tanks, and they’d go up like a firecracker.

Australian high command heard about these tactics, and called the Aussie pilots cowards. They were ordered to dogfight the Japanese.

(Other pilots flying P-40s from the US and Britain against Japanese fighters had similar stories)

The commanding officer who had previously ordered his pilots to avoid a dogfight at all costs, now had to order his pilots towards certain death.

His last words were something like “Now I’ll show them what happens…”.

He took off, and got into a dogfight with a Zero.

They eventually found his boot, and had to dig the engine block of his P-40 from 2m out of a mountain.

There’s an interview with Saburo Sakai on Youtube…

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Yep, SRX400 '91. It lacks nicer and more functional wheel fenders, a tailpiece, and some small side plastic pieces. I probably won’t fit any big front fairing since this bike doesn’t like high speeds anyway, but some small windscreen would be nice. It’s not too hot here, +12’C now.
I also got Kawa ZL400 '92. Actually just got off from it right now, we went ~80km to the neighbor town and back - me and my wife.

It has it’s story too, but it came to me in a better shape than Yamaha did. Well, if you can say that about a bike without brakes, and rusty exhaust, and a lot of carb troubles, etc, and probably lot more stuff i simply forgot about already. But no crashes or lack of papers, at least.

I understand it is a form of adventure, but it’s probably not my type. I prefer knowing when and where my own beer can fix goes out from under me :slight_smile:

Well, i used such small photos for a reason. As usual, i got bored late in process of painting, and there are clearcoat smudges large enough that i gave up the idea of polishing them up. But it’s a pretty playable piece of wood none the less :slight_smile:
By the way, you can guess it’s the very same paint that i got Kawa sprayed with.


Alright, it is funny to tell more and more life facts. It was genuinely nice to remember all the good stuff there was in my life, since i tend to forget that quickly. Thanks for the opportunity!
Should turn more to the ADHD-themed parts. Somehow i’m not sure what part of it i should address first. It is generally there, and it was here as long as i remember myself, so it’s not like i know where the problematic part of me starts and where it ends.
Probably the most troubling problem i have is with emotional instability. It is too easy to get into wild mood swings, and hard to get out of it. Since we do not have a lot of good weather days here it is so shameful to lose them lying limp in bed.
Do any of you have this problem, or some ways to counter it?

Also, how to make myself finally using any kind of planner? It’s as if some part of me tries to block all that. Like screeching “Look, you don’t want to manage your time better, because you will do a lot of stuff more, and going to exhaust youself so much you probably would feel worse than now”
I can manage some work-related time planning, because i don’t have too much work anyway.
But i totally can’t force myself into personal time-management for now. How does one start?

I am going in a rather long haul tonight, probably will be back in two days, so sorry if there’ll be no answer quick enough. And thank you all very much for your support!

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