I'm lost

I’m thinking of going back to school, but all my life I’ve always had an extremely hard time doing the work. I’m not lazy, I’ve often worked two jobs and I never turned down at previous jobs. I am an extremely hardworking person, but given the choice between doing the work and not doing the work, I’ll always find a way to blow it off. If there was an option to lock myself in jail for 4 years with nothing to do but homework, I would happily sign myself up. I have read a ton of self-help books and books on procrastination and it never helps. I do know that my procrastination has nothing to do with a fear that the work won’t be perfect. So basically i’m looking for help to see if anything can be done to work on this problem.

It really makes me sad. My grandparents paid for me to go to very expensive private schools and I ended up going to community college and signing up for classes and withdrawing just a few weeks later. I did this SEVERAL times. About 3 years ago I was dating a lawyer and I remember sitting in a Target parking lot and crying because of the opportunities I have wasted. I called my Mom and explained what I was going through. She let me move home and I signed up for 2 classes since I didn’t want to overdo it with working full time. I moved home and did EXACTLY the same thing again! You’d think sobbing to your Mom in a Target parking lot while you’re working 2 jobs would do the trick, but nope. So yea, I’m the worst.

From 12-14 I was put on Ritalin because I ad ADD but no hyperactivity, it’s just easy for me to get distracted and daydream. In 2008 I went to my primary doctor and pretty much told him everything I told you about not being able to get any homework done. He wrote me an RX for Adderall and that didn’t work it just made me feel jittery.

I’m pretty type A, and well organized. I keep a pretty good calendar, but a lot of the time I just move the tasks on my calendar to later in the day and eventually to the next day and then just rinse and repeat.

I could have written this. I still don’t know the answer. Solidarity fellow brain. You’re not alone

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YOU ARE NOT THE WORST!!!

I had the same thing with self help books. Our ADHD Brains are literally wired differently than neurotypical brains. Self help books are often written for neurotypical brains, and don’t necessarily work for us.

Dr. Ed Hallowell has a book out called delivered from distraction. It’s 13 years old, so not necessarily completely up to date, but the core of the message is awesome. There is even an intro that gives permission to read the book out of order, or not even finish it.

Also, College does not equal success. Many people see college as a necessary step to get into a career that doesn’t require a degree. Maybe focusing on learning skills to make you more effective rather than a very expensive piece of paper would be a good idea

Don’t give up! You can be successful. You probably are already more successful than you realize.

Don’t let anyone else define what success is for you. I believe in you!

Good luck!

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