Im new here and im really struggling. i was newly diagnosed with adhd last year and honestly i hate having adhd. i feel like its ruining my life. I hate my clinic, I hate my psychiatrist, and I feel like their classes and the meds are doing nothing. I am considering abandoning my clinic and meds altogether because I don’t see a difference in my life. I have just been bumped up to 40 mg of vyvanse. (I was on 30mg and before that 40mg of ritalin).Ritalin makes me chew on my face. The only area ive noticed improvements in is in the area of my home and appearance. I am much more clean/organized and running errands is a little easier.) However those things are not important in the grand scheme of life. I find that i still have absolutely zero desire to do whats actually important. For me, that means: completing unfinished projects. i very badly want a career of my own that i enjoy. I have hundreds of unfinished ‘works’. For years, I’ve been sick and tired of re-visiting them and knowing i will NEVER complete them. I like too many things and no I can’t narrow them down to one. Maybe for a time, but eventually i get bored or have a spark for a ‘new idea’. I suffer from FOLI (Fear of Losing Interest) because it inevitably happens.
I used to love several creative hobbies (i am really talented in most of them) i could prob make an attractive income if i could just finish 'em. Heck maybe even make six figures and buy my first car, house, dog etc. But i can’t finish anything! My passions are like a drug…i love them and will be hooked on them for a week…and than days later i absolutely despise them. Which is such a shame because so many of my friends tell me im really good at what i do. That I am smart and i should start a biz. Im sad I can’t stick to projects to build a career for myself. I am jack of all trades, moving from one obsession to the next, yet master of none. My hobbies cost money too so im broke all the time. The financial walls prevent me from going all the way too so i give up. Im very much in debt. I quit every job i have after a few months cause they’re so monotonous. Does anyone else have the same issues?
My current regimens:
- Yes i have 5 agendas & calendars…they work until they dont.
- Yes i exercise at least 30-60 min 3-5 days a week.
- I eat well (i dont drink, smoke or do drugs)
- i have no social life…what for? Im so behind on life, goals, cleaning, self-care, sleep.
- I binge a lot of youtube. After 5pm im done for the day.
- I have 101 unfinished projects and a room full of abandoned tools/crafts.
- Lets not forget the impulse purchases (which i frequently return…or run into debt)
- Def single…what do i have to show for? mid-thirties, barely work…dont have a career im proud of because of incessant procrastination no matter how hard i push. Even though im super loving and would make a great partner…im embarassed that i dont have any cool things going for me. No sense of identity or calling to present.
- In my younger days i could finish some stuff. But Im an adult now who has rent, food, debt to pay…i have responsibilities and can’t freely ‘play’ all day.
- i hate working for other people.
- Why do i love something for 3 months…than f*cking hate it for 3 months? Then love it again for 3 months…then hate it for a year?..The cycle repeats like groundhog day.
- If i cant finish projects and cant fulfill God’s plan/purpose for me; what kind of life is that? Am I doomed to be a couch potato? It feels like i’ll just be a manic/lazy piece of crap for the rest of my life – forever running on a hamster wheel of insanity until i burn out.
- My adhd psychiatrist sucks; i cant switch to a new one, cause they’re the only specialist in town!
- i was offered ‘executive function’ classes and CBT to help with life/schedule planning…but honestly…i dont have ANY faith left in my doctor/counsellors. The last councellor gave me some bs “wellness wheel diagram”…did i keep on top of it? hell no…forgot all about it. It was a very unusefull worksheet meant for 5 year olds.
Help Im really sad and struggling. Every time i go to my specialists i end up throwing a tantrum of frustration and crying because i feel like they have no idea what im going thru. Their remedies suck. I feel alone, trapped in my mind/body.
feeling doomed, couch potato.