So, I’ll admit, today I am not in the greatest of moods. I’m a bit irritable today. (Going through a level-out of medication as I stopped taking them for 3 days for a combination of reasons.) But I was managing okay.
Now, I work with my Mom as my Office Manager, while I’m the Production Lead. So sometimes we butt heads over certain things. Today my ADHD got the better of me… multiple times… I was supposed to submit something in our work system so it could get approved ASAP by someone who was waiting to see the submission. Well, the system sometimes takes a minute to load. Literally just a minute. 60 seconds. Of course by 10 seconds I was bored. So I popped out to look at Facebook or look through the here (heh, oops?)… then went back to work… by working on other things. I TOTALLY forgot about the thing I was supposed to submit. I had to click 3-4 buttons to accomplish this and only had clicked the first one… got distracted for 30-60 minutes… clicked the second… got distracted again… it wasn’t great. Then I forgot to hit taht final button and x’d out… then went “OH GOD I DIDN’T SUBMIT IT DID IT” so went back… sure enough I didn’t. So I had to click 2 of those buttons again. Got distracted. Again. Because I didn’t learn to just sit there and deal with it. Cause that’s just too hard okay? So about 3 hours later I FINALLY get the thing submitted.
So I tell my Mom since she’s the point of contact for the company system I’m working with. I tell her it was taking a few seconds to load, so I’d pop out and get distracted… saying “it’s me, not the system”. She tries to tell me to tell her when that happens and I just kind of look at her like… what? Like how can I tell her I forgot and got distracted when I don’t even notice it? Like this was me telling her… like I couldn’t do it earlier because I legitimately didn’t remember. So I try to explain again. She tries to explain her thing again. I end up staring at the ceiling trying REALLY hard not to roll my eyes … fully.
She shoots back with “You don’t understand what I’m saying” and with a very rough exhale (because I couldn’t hold it in) I go “It’s because you don’t get what I’m saying.” She then hits back with “Yes I do.” and left. OOHHHHH MAN. Just call me Fuhrer King Bradley because BOY WAS I FILLED WITH WRATH. So much of it. Hello emotional dysregulation. So I’m struggling. I’m so angry but know if I try to talk to her then it wouldn’t go over well.
WELL SHE SENT AN EMAIL TO THE PERSON WAITING FOR THE SUBMISSION… stating how it would’ve been done sooner but we were having trouble with the system and had to go off and do other things.
I don’t often lose enough control of myself when I’m angry that I actually snarl outloud… but I did this time. Thankfully I have my own office soooo no one heard it. Ah. hahaha. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
So I compose an email.
The first rendition is fairly sharp and a little demeaning.
I re-read it before sending it because I know myself. I know it’s probably angry and mean.
I change a few words. Okay sounds a little… better.
I change more and it goes from wrathful and mean to very diplomatic.
Am I still physically angry? OH YES. I don’t calm down easily.
AM I STILL PROUD OF MYSELF FOR ACTUALLY HOLDING BACK MY IMPULSIVE ANGRY RESPONSE?
TL;DR: Mom & I had a miscommunication that I saw but she didn’t. Behold, my name is Wrath. She sent a company an email about how their system screwed up and made it sound like it took an absurdly long time to load. This further infuriates the hell out of me. I respond very diplomatically despite REALLY wanting to be snarky, angry and mean.