Intro, Realizations, and in need of Support <3

intro

#1

I am a 28 y/o junior in college (transferred out of community college) and obtained nearly a full ride. But I have been struggling at my new school, and after some serious reflection, I came to realize that my ADHD finally “caught up” with my abilities.

Here’s the thing: I was diagnosed with “ADD” back when I was 14. I was on medication, but remember not feeling like myself. Additionally, it made me constantly tired and not willing to eat. So, I stopped taking medication.

Fast Forward: Since I was struggling, I decided to really look into ADHD, (believe or not, I really had minimal information on my own disorder). Suddenly, after being fully engrossed with all of this information, I realized that this disorder runs my life.

All the negativity, the years of depression, the rollercoaster emotions, the inability to do mundane tasks, the constant anxiety and procrastination, the inability to answer questions that I know the answer to, or just to even articulate words correctly. All the problems I had as a child, and the difficulties I had facing my strict and emotionally abusive parents. The difficulties being around my VERY big family, and feeling overwhelmed, but being chastised for not being around, ducking out early, or for isolating from the group.

All of these things that cost relationships, friendships, jobs… the things that have been dictating my life in every aspect has been because of this disorder, and I had no idea. To be honest, when I was diagnosed, so was everyone else. I assumed I was misdiagnosed for several years.

I’m very upset, feeling like my life isn’t my own.
I’m considering trying medication again, but I have to wait until I have health insurance (hopefully soon).

Hoping to find some support, similar experiences/feelings. Genuinely, trying to reach out to others who might understand me.

All the best, fellow brains


#2

Hi Andi. I can definitely relate to the lack of information. I was diagnosed with ADD in 8th grade and was only given very basic information on what ADD is. I started taking medication for it but didn’t really know how it was supposed to be helping me other than, it will help you focus.

Fast Forward: I’m nearly 22 and have only just started learning (just these past 2 weeks) just how much my ADD Affects me. Suddenly a lot of things started making more sense. I realized a lot of the things I’ve been dealing with had an explanation. It wasn’t just affecting school, it was affecting so much more. For me it was kind of a mind blowing realization.


#3

I totally agree. It sounds like we are in a very similar situation. As I don’t want to shame my doctor, I can’t help but feel that he failed to accurately describe the disorder. All I knew was that I had “attention-deficit.” To me, that felt suspiciously questionable. It’s not like my brain goes “SQUIRREL” every 30 seconds. So, I had a hard time seeing any struggle with the way my brain works other than I what sent us to the doctor in the first place: reading comprehension issues. Again, at the time, I didn’t really see any correlation between the reading and having ADD. After having the medication that made me feel like a zombie, I just dismissed the whole thing.

I’ve only now realized how different my mind really is, and it is absolutely mind-blowing!


#4

Growing up my parents realized that I was having trouble in school and thought a tutor would help so they set me up with one for a while (this wasn’t so much about homework help as it was about memory and reading and math exercises). And it did help, a little. But I was still having trouble so they set me up with a tutor that would work with me on my homework. Again, it was helpful but I was still struggling. My parents decided to take me to a psychiatrist to give me some tests and see if there was anything going on we weren’t aware of. And that’s how I got my diagnosis. they said I had ADD and I had really great memory but My brain has a really hard time accessing it. So, all I knew was its hard to focus and remembering things can be a challenge. Other than remembering to take my medication and getting frustrated when I couldn’t come up the date that so and so did that thing while taking a history test, I really didn’t think about it.

As I’ve been researching more I started to wonder If I was the only one who didn’t know about all the other ways ADD affects me. I mean I’ve been diagnosed for years I should know all this right? Its nice to meet a fellow brain that can relate.


#5

You know, it’s funny. It wasn’t until much later that I accepted the idea of having ADD, since I didn’t see any real issue for myself, and medication didn’t seem to do much.
(I do remember having that clarity feeling, but it was underwhelmed by the grogginess)

It wasn’t until like 10 years later that I became informed that people who don’t have ADHD and take the medicine have a much different experience on it than I had. It was eye-opening, like “OH, I guess I do have ADD and my Dr. wasn’t a quack.” But again, for whatever reason, I just dismissed it. I mean, I feel completely normal, this is my everyday. There are things I’m good at and things I suck at.

I only happened to research about ADD because I wanted to get accommodations at school since I’ve been struggling. Just wanted to get an idea of what others do, have, or suggest. It’s a little difficult because here, there are no “tests,” every assignment is a paper, using discussed material in a practical way. So, of course, I’m diving more and more into research on ADHD because I go to a non-traditional school. Teachers don’t even write on the board in most classes.

(Note on the New School: 10 week terms instead of 16-week semesters are at a much faster pace… and my brain does not like to cooperate under serious time constraints)

That’s what ended me up here… It was kind of depressing to learn about all of these added symptoms that I had no idea.

It really does make me feel better that I’m not alone in my ignorance of my own disorder.


#6

All of us are learning every day how the ADHD affects us. Some days I do something weird, or something goes wrong, and I stop and think, did my ADHD have anything to do with this? And when it clicks, it’s like a mini epiphany bomb going off in my head. OHHHHH, well of course I did that because of this thing that my brain did! And understanding that, it’s a little easier to figure out a workaround that will keep it from happening in the future…


#7

I can really relate to all of this. I am nearly 51 years old and have been just recently officially diagnosed. I didn’t realise there was so much more to it than having trouble focussing and being a bit chaotic. I found out for myself not from any professional.

Also I had lived inside my own skin for so long, trying so hard to cope. I didn’t know any better. I didn’t even consider myself thàt chaotic. I considered myself lazy and a failure.

I have joined just a couple of days ago but it is overwhelming how much I recognise and can relate to. It is sad and liberating at the same time.


#8

What’s hard is that there’s a reason for all the madness, but that reason comes with a price. The cost we pay for having this disorder is a blurred line of who we are as a person and what is the disorder. To me, it’s aggravating. Many of the things that I thought make me unique as a person is just the consequence of having ADD:

Good at video games
Emotional, angry, and overly sensitive
A night-owl
(sometimes) a couch potato
forgetful and tardy
Humorous and silly
introverted
Extremely self-critical

These things I just always assumed were me, whether I like traits or not. Here, I find out that ADD influences all of these things.


#9

With recent discoveries I look back at my failed marriage with such sadness! I know it takes two to tango but alot of problems would have been solved if I (we) had known about the way ADHD made me tick. I wouldn’t have had to look at myself as failing as a wife, mother, lover, etc and feel such shame because of it. Silently suffering, I read somewhere and it is true. I wouldn’t have had to perceive myself as a horrible, moody person. I am actually sensitive and nice but I just was under continuous stress, I realise now. No wonder I was depressed alot of the time.

I feel like having to get to know myself again and I just don’t know how that looks like.


#10

@Andi, you put it into words so recognizable!