I've finally told my parents


#1

So here’s my story. I’m 26 I was in the UK and around June I was seeing a counsellor for my anxiety which towards the end (after about 2 months) the issue of ADHD came up. Now once it was mentioned I went strait into research mode, cause I’ve always known sth was wrong and other stuff could explain some of it but I had to force myself to fit into it. This fit like a glove. It explained so much of my unexplainable problems. Issues that I had tried to fix over and over again but never could…
I tried to get a diagnosis and managed to get on the waiting list but it was around two years long and I couldn’t afford to go private. Because I did have a tendency to find issues in myself a lot I didn’t wanna come to the family with this till I had an official diagnosis, but that wasn’t happening, even thou 4 counsellors and 3 different GP’s agreed.
I’ve come back home now and living with my parents again and I finally told them. It’s more affordable to get help here but I need my parents to help and they are very reluctantly coming along this with me. But every time I feel like I finally have gotten them to understand their opinion seems to snap back to step one of disbelief and resistance. and the more I try and explain it and try and give examples it makes it seem more and more that I’m using it as an excuse. (in fact, that was their first response, since I’ve just had to redo a uni course)
Today my mother finally came out and said: “maybe you’re just average” and the thing is, I know I’m not. When my school work had to be done in a short amount of time(cause that was the system) I was top of the class but when I tried to fit a lot into a short amount of time, I was average. I’m just frustraited and I wish I could let it go and just get on with the process myself but I can’t afford it and I just don’t know what to do!


#2

Hi @stonerose,
Where are you now? As in, what country?

In a lot of places you can get around the parent issue by bringing old school reports and bringing along a trusted friend or partner or sibling who has known you for a long time and has seen how you react in various situations.

I am not sure what happens if your parents are a bit hostile to the idea but come along with you anyway. A good psychologist who has experience of adhd will probably get the information they need from their amswers anyway, even if everything they say is accompanied by ‘but everyone does that sometimes’ or ‘that’s just the way he is’ etc etc. As long as you trust them to not actually lie it should be ok.

The most important thing is to go to a place that does a lot of work with adult adhd. Otherwise there is indeed a risk that they will set too much store by your parenta’ attitude. It shouldnt be that way, but thia forum is filled with people’s less than good experiences with professionals who should know better.


#3

If you’re 26, then your parents are part of the generation that believes that ADHD isn’t real I’d guess

What I would do would be to show them the “Failing at normal” video and explain that in order for you to take responsibility for how your ADHD can contribute to the difficulties in doing seemingly normal things, you must first understand it so that you can develop coping skills.

There is another great video on shame versus guilt online that does a great job of explaining the difference, and how she articulates this difference might be useful for you in explaining to your parents why it’s not an excuse, but something you’ll need help in building skills around that others do not have to work as hard at developing.

You can also explain to them some of the advantages you have that others do not (better focus under pressure, etc.)


#4

Thanks for that. I’m going to get an appointment with the psychiatrist that my councillor suggested. My mother did say that she will come with me to the appointment to be there for me.
Also i’m in Iran


#5

You’re right, they’re part of the you just need to try harder and if you can’t you just can’t. But thanks for the recoms, I do have to space them out a bit but I’ll go with that next


#6

That sounds positive :slightly_smiling_face:


#7

I’m 29 and just told my parents of my recent ADHD diagnosis. Their response was basically “We don’t believe you have ADHD, but good luck in your search for happiness.”

Parents can really suck sometimes.

I was the exact same way in school. I knew I was really smart, but that didn’t always show. During grad school, I had to withdraw from a class that I was definitely going to fail. I had another professor tell me to withdraw from his class because I had fallen behind. That made me mad, so I pushed hard and ended up getting just high enough on the final to get a C- (anything lower would have meant that I needed to retake the course).

I definitely agree with the @Tomo’s video recommendations. Understanding the difference between guilt and shame and learning to let go of shame once I understood that my symptoms weren’t moral failings was life changing for me.

I’ve decided to just not talk to my parents about my ADHD anymore. I’m hoping your parents come around!